I'm a second year analyst at a BB and have decided I'm going to quit when I receive my next bonus because I have burned out - for the reasons you would expect. I've spent the last few months recruiting for a private equity position, but have had no luck securing an offer at this point. I don't have many friends in NYC so I spend a majority of my free time going on Tinder / Hinge dates for one-night-stands and smoking copious amounts of weed. The relationship I have with my immediate family is impaired, and I have drifted away from them over the past few years as I don't have much respect for them. I have a psycopathic, narcisistic personality, and perhaps this has driven me away from people as well.
I feel like I'm losing my drive and motivation to be successful, and slipping into a hedonistic, semi-depressed state of living. I look around me and all I see is this country slipping into greater levels of inequality, despair and disfunction. I have always wanted to make a lot of money in finance, but failed to recognize the commitment / effort it takes for this to manifest. I've always been able to cheat my way through life, but I don't see many viable paths forward. I feel lost, regretful, pathetic, disconnected and don't have much hope for the future. I could go much more into detail here but I'll leave it at this for now - have any of you been in a similar position and climbed out to be successful? Any advice / suggestions would be appreciated...
When do you receive your bonus? What do you want to do after this?
3 months from now. I'm taking interviews in private equity, but kinda worried that I'm just following the herd and will get burnt out again after two years. I'm open to other roles in strategic finance / corp dev but feel that taking one of these could stymie my career potential.
What career potential are you thinking?
Sounds like burnout. The despair comes and goes in cycles. Many of us realize that money is a good motivator temporarily but the marginal utility of it diminishes quickly at a certain point. Of course that only fuels the desire to get more of it hoping gobs and gobs of it will change your life once you hit that next tier of money.
Going to PE will refresh you for a while but then the novelty wears off and you realize it's very much like banking. I don't have any good strategies for dealing with this, it's just something you get through in time.
There are many other spots in finance like VC, asset management, etc -- or you could leave finance entirely. That may seem impossible right now and I felt the same way starting out but I realize my focus was very narrow and actually your career trajectory is NOT LINEAR. I thought if I didn't do certain things at a certain time it would be a problem but I've seen so many people break that linear narrative.
You're still early career and have a lot more flexibility than you think. People end up doing so many different things after their analyst job. The WSO dream career track parroted here is not what you should latch onto unless you actually want that. Think about things some more and make some firm decisions. If you make a mistake, you can fix it.
I know it’s a very temporary solution, but try and take a week off this summer for vacation without checking emails. I can’t imagine your firms deal flow being too active right now
It can only benefit you to stop smoking weed. I used to be a regular user and things just went better for me once I stopped. You’re like 5% sharper and more motivated off of it and tbh that can go a long way. Best of luck man.
Im thinking about stopping as well. Been nomstop for like 4 yrs
I have similar lifestyle but don't see any problem with it. On opposite, my life goal is to spend my whole life banging chicks, traveling, and indulging in other non-productive activities like playing video games, listening to music, watching concerts, series, movies, etc. Living life like this is much much better in my opinion than having kids and listening to their crying and changing diapers and spending millions on raising them (that's what people think a healthy life is lol).
I also think the country is doing just fine. Inequality only makes sense cause in the age of technology some people can be literally more useful than thousands of others, cause technology allows you to learn and develop earlier and quicker and then leverages your outreach as a professional and allows to scale your worth.
Yes.
You rn
A friend gave me this advice - Get a piece of paper, draw a line straight down in the middle. On the left, is who you are now, point A. On the right, is who you would like to be, point B. Do this for each personality trait / physical traits / action items. Than connect the two with a horizontal line, which shows how you will get from point A to point B. It seems like a stupid exercise but It can work.
I've been there. A couple suggestions in addition to the above. Make sure you're eating right, working out, spending time outdoors as much as you can (10 minute walks here and there). I know booking in therapy is time consuming and not always helpful, but try to consider it (maybe one of those apps.. I don't know). Don't make any rash decisions. Try to stay away from weed + alcohol as much as you can. I find those things typically don't make things better down the road
Weed will do that to you. Cut that shit out asap.
Dude, sounds like you are managing director material. Stick with it!
Jokes aside. Wonder why you think this? I don't think most narcisists would actually admit this. If true, of all your listed problems above, this sentence is the most alarming. Everything else is small potatoes in comparison.
Would say I'm self aware and introspective. I try to be humble and self depreciative around other people, but I think I'm honestly quite a selfish person. I don't have many ethical boundaries, and will cut corners and manipulate others to reduce my workload / marginally succeed. This has worked for a while to get where I am today, and honestly I probably wouldn't be where I am without it, but feel like my reputation for this has permeated to a lot of people within my social circle. So I've begun to feel lonely and disconnected which has led me on a path of increasingly hedonistic behaviors. It's kinda fucked up but I was bullied growing up and I think that trauma shaped me.
Yeah that sounds pretty bad. I'm not a psychologist so not sure how to deal with sociopathy or narcissim, but you probably need professional help on this.
You've gotten a lot of other advice on here, but who cares if you exercise more, smoke less weed, date different girls, etc. if you are still suffering from sociopathy at the end of day, right? I think that's the root problem and most important issue to tackle here.
EDIT: Also, if this is truly the problem, which it seems like it is. Then, there are no short term solutions. Sure, find some new girls and some new friends and you will eventually let them down from a cycle of lying and manipulation that characterizes all your relationships. The honeymoon phase of new friends will fade as they get to know the manipulative side of you. May take months, may take years but then you're back in the same cycle. You really have to fix yourself mentally to break the cycle. Seeking professional help should be the #1 thing on your list.
I would advise you to not quit with nothing lined up. The geniuses giving you that advice probably have as much work and life experience as you do.
Try to take your gas off the pedal at work, but don’t quit. Especially if you’re at a chill BB.
Incorporate working out into your dating and weed schedule.
Finally, avoid the skanks for awhile and only go out with wife quality girls.
echoes how my mind works. been in the business for a decade, happy to chat. it is definitely a tough thing to reconcile all this
I wanted to comment on the same line that NoEquityResearch did:
I would 100% agree that this sentence in particular stood out to me as problematic. This and the fact that you've really found yourself in a place with no close people around you. It sounds like you've found yourself in a tough spot and might not have the best understanding of your situation.
Can I ask you a couple of questions:
I think you just need a little more interaction with people and to get outside a bit. When I saw you said you don't have much respect for your family, I really wanted to ask why. There are definitely people in my family who can be "a lot" sometimes, but I love them still, not even just because they are my family but because I truly want the best for them.
I open to talk if you really want to. I think you could benefit from opening yourself up a bit here.
Find a remote gig. Pick up the bags and move to Argentina and live a fun life traveling South America for a few years
Go to therapy
Got severely burnt out myself towards the end of my analyst years. Slogged through for a couple more years and have only started to get rid of the apathy/depression after stepping aside and doing fuck all for 3 months.
The one piece of advice I can give is to cut out the hedonistic shit. Going to seriously exacerbate/accelerate the apathy, which spirals into anxiety about losing your drive, which spirals into depression about dedicating so much of your life to pursuing something you don't give a fuck about anymore. In hindsight, I think that discipline/moderation in my lifestyle very well may have prevented my burn out. But eating tomahawk ribeyes & scallops every night, hammering substances whenever possible as hard as possible, hiring professionals routinely, and not being disciplined about working out burned me out on pleasure. That lifestyle will make you numb to anything pleasurable. Indulgences are only enjoyable if they're not regular. When they become routine, they just numb and hollow you out. When you pile that on top of feeling burnt out / down to begin w/, you're setting up for a bad crash.
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