I (22M) recently moved to NYC and got into hinge. I have a date next weekend, we are getting drinks on a weekend evening.
How common/expected is it to bring a girl home after the first date? For context, I am looking for a relationship (put the "long-term relationship, open to something short" label on my profile), and the girl seems more on the wholesome side. Obviously it would be nice to have a good time at night, but I worry that if I ask her to come back to my place, I might come off as a f-boy and lose her interest if she doesn't want to go back with me.
She seems “wholesome” but 50/50 shot she’s batshit crazy and a freak. If you’re getting dinner and drinks then it should be a bit late. You can hit up different bars after and then you’ll both be drunk and you can do the “wanna get outta here” or phrase it however. Check your phone and be like “wow it’s late” or stuff like that. If she’s hung out with you for the 3-4 hours it should be at this point she’s probably down, but if not no big deal. If you like her but don’t hook up, you can still go out on a second date lol it’s not the end of the world
Don't stress out about that. Go and have fun. Don't plan on bringing her back to your place -if it happens it happens.
If you're tall, white, and handsome, there's a good chance you will be able to take her home
Different strokes for different folks, man.
They already matched on the app. As long as OP wasn't egregiously lying about his height, he's good to go on the looks front.
Unless she’s talking about her relationship with Christ, it isn’t rude to ask her back to your place for another drink after a drink or two if you’re vibing. That said lots of girls will say no to this, 3 date rule is common.
also, you sound inexperienced so might have lower odds of pulling this off. If you really want a relationship the lowest risk approach is to wait a date or two
Actually I've pulled it off before, but I was just curious the norms post college and in NYC. But that was a casual thing, now I’m looking for something a little more than that.
if you end up going somewhere else besides where your date started, you're probably in the clear
Sometimes they even ask you too walk them home !
Go into it with no expectations, first dates are first dates meaning you can leave 30 mins into it or spend the whole day with them if you vibe well. Wouldn’t say I’m a f boy but definitely have been on countless dates and would say it’s about 1/3 for first nights but about 2/3 after 3 dates or less. Have fun, the worst thing you can do is over think it.
I wouldn't try to after the first date if you're looking for something long-term. Date 2 or 3 are fair game but don't be too forward about it, see how she is responding
Was looking for this answer. Also would suggest reassessing your own LTR criteria for someone who’d causally bang the first time you meet. Most likely long-term thing you’re gonna get doing that is The Clap.
Fun question!
A girl that rejects you because you asked her back to your place is a red flag. Nothing wrong with asking, but don't rush to ask. Talk a bit, I would say at least 1hr - 1hr 30 min, and both of you should be tipsy. You can pose the question want to go somewhere else? If she says sure you can propose we can go to this bar or my place. If she says let's go to a bar, go to the bar and then after some time you can ask again, and then you probably shouldn't ask anymore.
Most importantly, don't overthink this. You learn by living, and sometimes you will be shocked by how things go. I've had people over after 1 hr, I've also had people absolutely lose their shit because I asked, and to me, such a strong response was a giant red flag.
I agree that getting extremely upset is a red flag, but a lot of these "wholesome, relationship quality girls" are not going to sleep with you on the first date and probably think you only want sex if you're asking so early. It might be a sexual compatibility mismatch, but I don't think being offended that you ask is that uncommon in NYC
FWIW, all of the NYC girl facebook groups ask questions like "Where do I find guys who won't ask me to sleep with him after date 2". Some girls are totally down on date 1 but in NYC I wouldn't ask a girl I was looking for anything long-term with
does everyone in nyc work in finance?
Yes
No its finance / law / real estate / fashion / medicine
accounting, tech, consulting, marketing, etc. Really, the high paying jobs of almost every industry can be found in NYC.
Don’t think you have anything to worry about buddy
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