The Definitive Top 10 Alcoholic Beverages
Let's talk booze. You all knew the time would come that the discussion would branch out from my tried and true (WoodfordandCreatine) and get more adventurous. There's no rules when it comes to alcohol, except obviously don't be a pussy. Try everything once.
Also, girl drinks are off limits in public. You know what? Now that I think of it, there are some rules. Vodka before beer, you're in the clear. Beer before anything, man the fuck up. Your dad was right, scotch will put hair on your chest (so will HGH, if you're up for it). Finally, when in doubt, choose from Fear The Bulge's list of the Top 10 (non-W&C) alcoholic beverages:
10) Four Loko (Old Recipe)
This has not been available in stores since early 2012 at the very latest. Am I suggesting you get on eBay and pay an outrageous sum for a five-year-old can of caffeinated malt liquor? God, no. I mean, if you want to, knock yourself out, champ. But it can be closely replicated so you can rage with extra vigor, and regret with sincerity.
9) Budweiser
The perfect end of night go-to-bed drink for when you're too drunk to remember water exists.
8) Airplane bottle of Jameson
To put in the coffee at court-ordered AA meetings.
7) Moonshine
Everyone's got a cousin who makes this stuff. Pairs well with hunting and bonfires. Does not pair well with office parties or first dates (unless in West Virginia).
6) Sparkling wine
Look, it doesn't need to be from the Champagne region in France. Bubbly is for spraying on girls at clubs that you want to spray on later at home. If whatever seedy joint you go to has Andre available for this express purpose, by all means, go with that.
5) Bulleit bourbon
It's legitimately good. It's my everyday bourbon I refuse to put any adulterants in. I keep it in my globe.
4) Beaulieu Vineyard Georges de Latour Private Reserve 2011
If I'm really feeling myself, I'll drink this during my skincare routine, but otherwise, I keep it in the globe to offer to women who come over. If I run out, I'll fill up the bottle with Charles Shaw from Trader Joe's. If she doesn't let me get away with this move, I'll consider a second date.
3) Crystal Head Vodka
Dan Ackroyd is always hilarious and his vodka is no exception. Warning: bring this bottle out at the wrong party and you better be prepared for some pompous actor to go Full Hamlet with it.
2) Pliny the Elder IPA
This is the only beer I will session when I'm not already drunk, breaking one of my own aforementioned cardinal rules. Take that as a ringing endorsement coming from this degenerate. If you don't believe me, read the reviews and get your hands on some yourself. If you're looking for the perfect showerbeer after work, this is it.
1) Laphroaig 18 Year Scotch
It's hard to put into words how good it feels to step out on the balcony with a Riedel glass full of this stuff, light up a Nat Sherman, and look down 9 stories at the plebs who aren't living the high life. I take a sip. I consider attempting to ash my cigarette on the head of a man in a dirty trenchcoat. But I feel like such a god damn gentleman in that moment, so I let him pass and ash toward the head of a Pomeranian.
That does it, monkeys. Before you question my judgment, examine your own habits and ask if they are worth writing about. If they are, feel free elaborate below (I'm right and you're wrong but go for it).
I drink beer without being drunk just because it's Monday. I am also not an alcoholic. Also, I didn't know you were so picky.
My man. Thing I'll miss the most about college.
It doesn't need to stop. I know of many bankers who like to unwind with a drink or two at night.
Beaulieu Vineyard Georges de Latour Private Reserve 2011.. up one spot and golden
I needed this today, thank you FTB
Good list
Frieds, thoughts?
I read this and I just want to shake my head when it comes to people's choices of alcohol. Oh these poor lost souls...
That crystal head Vodka may be the most douchey think I've ever encountered.
p.s. Vodka is for pussies, Whiskey/ Scotch are all a man needs.
I'd generally agree, but I'm a huge fan of Moscow mules. Delicious and hit you hard. But then again, I would readily substitute for an Irish mule if needed.
Readily substitute both for a Kentucky Mule. Most bourbons work fine but Maker's is the way to go.
ever watched Louis CK's show Horace & Pete?
The goal is to get drunk why do you care if someone likes vodka over whiskey? Never understood the people who say certain booze isn't "manly" enough. Trying being a little less insecure, it'll go a long ways
"Man's Drink"= I buy what marketing tells me to buy
whoa, learn how to take a joke bro. Perhaps you're the insecure one here?
"...when you're too drunk to remember water exists." Instant Classic
As I progress in my drinking career, I am now strictly a Johnnie Walker or Coors Light guy. The IPA hangovers hurt too bad to continue down the craft beer road.
No Bombay Sapphire?
Hendrick's>Bombay anytime, anyplace. But I agree, that the gin should be on the list.
most impactful piece of advice my father gave me: "coors is for queers"
Just died laughing cause my dad was redneck as shit and said the same thing. Because Bud Light is the only true beer haha.
What is it with you Americans and light beer? Tastes like drinking cooled piss. Pour yourself a Guinness, ma boy. Also, no one likes scotch. It's for kids who want to look sophisticated and old rich dudes whose kids hate them.
Scotch is fucking great. You know Guinness is a dark colored light beer right? 'Incoming Analyst' - I should have known.
Bulleit, Woodford, Buffalo Trace are generally in my collection. Not much of a fancy beer guy. Also a fan of Auchentoshen Scotch, Talisker -- really any solid, $75-100 bottle of single malt will do the trick.
My ex was such a drunk I'd get a buzz from eating her out. And I miss the days of 4 Loko. Literally the best thing that ever came out of Ohio State.
This makes me regret the fact my GF doesn't drink. I can already imagine, a whole new incentive for diving face first into her crotch... not like I need any.
Wtf is woodford and creatine? All creatine would do when mixed with alcohol is give you kidney failure.
Number 1 drink is Vodka redbull, or if you're out of redbull, mix in some preworkout and have a blast. You won't be able to apologize enough the following day, I (unfortunately) guarantee it.
Lmao @ preworkout and vodka. Never sell out, TopChedder.
>Budweiser, ever
At least spring for the Steel Reserve or Hurricane. Those are basically 2 Buds shoved into 1 can for the same price. As a bonus: they're somehow not quite as shitty-tasting.
But then again, my Top 10 might just be the same list as my 10 Favorite IPAs.
Got to give you props for the Hurricane reference. "Brace for the smooth taste", indeed! This was all I drank in college, well mostly what I drank in college; one of the drinks I drank in college; amongst one of the alcohols I drank in college was Hurricaine, Vladimir vodka and Natty Light/Ice.
Seagrams Gin and tonic all day long. They go down like water and leave you feeling marginally less horrible than whiskey and cokes do in the morning.
Kraken Rum should be at least #8
One of the first times I went out legally, I ordered a long island iced tea. My bartender friend advised that wasn't really an ideal drink to order when trying to impress someone (if I was on a date, with coworkers etc.) and advised me to order Bulleitt Bourbon. I can totally agree with this list, although I still need to try drinks 1-4. Thanks for the contribution.
I prefer the Rye to the Bourbon
Just looking at that picture of the four loko gave me the shakes
This. Fuck that stuff. Twice.
had a buddy who use to funnel these - three years out of school and I still think its awesome
Surprised there's no mention of tequila on the list. I'd put a lot of premium tequilas up against a single malt scotch any day of the week and twice on Sunday. Plus there's this:
metro.co.uk/2016/09/16/the-la-wellness-crowd-are-now-saying-that-tequila-is-the-most-body-friendly-tipple-6131329/
I found the lack of tequila odd as well.
and chage the bulleit bourbon to their rye version, please
The people who drink quality tequila don't often discuss the fact that they prefer a quality anejo to most other liquors. Plus you can't find a good selection of high end tequilas at many bars.
Personally, I will drink Mezcal over Tequila, but I won't discriminate on against the pride of Jalisco if offered a quality dram.
Was just about to mention that as well +1
Angel's Envy Bourbon, also tastes good mixed with Disaronno.
Bulleit is a great go-to bourbon (Bulleit rye is also great), but I think it's also ok to mix with it and go further up to Blanton's or Jefferson Reserve for drinking neat or on the rocks
+1 for Jefferson
What about butterbeer? How does that not qualify?
Idk where you're located but in NYC you can buy 4 loko at pretty much every 7-11
You're in NYC and you go to 7-11?
This is the best list on this site.
Fear The Bulge, you make this site great again
White trash meets alcohol? Still appreciate your posts none the less
Well... you're missing this...
!!!
That was entertaining!
I'll second the Guinness nomination and add Beefeater Gibson to the list...especially if the goal is to black out and wake up in a hotel lobby (except not the lobby of YOUR hotel).
Sierra Nevada harvest Lagunitas Ipa Glendronach 15 Highland park 15 Lagavulin 16
Woahh A drink of tito's vodka and all of lives problems are solved.
discovered a new one this weekend: pickleback shots. quite the crowd pleaser.
Is this pickle juice and vodka?
no. shot of Jamo followed by pickle juice as a chaser. some bar in NYC
All you chumps and your Bulleit. You do know this swill is mass produced in Indiana and nothing about it is 'craft', right? You can find 17 other brands that have the exact same taste because they came from the exact same distiller.
Get a clue and by some Hudson. Better yet, head out to the country on a Saturday and hit their distillery.
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