UBS to introduce “toilet tariffs” -employees must now pay to use the bathroom
Fresh Zurich whisper: to hit those aggressive 2026 cost-saving targets, UBS is rolling out mandatory “facilities usage fees”
Every trip to the loo will be deducted straight from your bonus pool - €2 per visit, scanned via new facial-recognition turnstiles at the stall doors. First 5 pisses per month free for “loyalty tier”, then it’s pay-to-pee
MDs get unlimited platinum access, obviously. Analysts already calculating how many coffees they can afford before going negative for the quarter
Reason given in the leaked memo: “Optimising human capital throughput and reducing non-revenue-generating downtime.”
Classic UBS efficiency play. Who else heard about this?
Is there an ex Barclays exemption?
They’re the ones clogging the toilet
You see it’s funny because it’s a punn because shit clogs toilets and they are also performing like shit
Congrats on UBS!
Amazon delivery drivers are highly efficient, so they pee in bottles. It’s not dystopian labor abuse—it’s a logistics-optimized hydration workaround.
Why is it €2? They should charge 2 Swiss francs
Congrats on shitpost!
The massive MD in M&T is gonna spend his whole salary on bathroom usage.
If you read the fine print they’re actually allowing you to use pre-tax dollars to pay the facilities fees, so you get to use the bathroom AND reduce your taxable income. Honestly really grateful that UBS is looking out for us
Pre-tax bathroom fees almost certainly wouldn’t qualify as a legitimate benefit under Section 125 or similar rules - too close to a penalty, not a welfare expense. Tax authorities would likely reclassify it as taxable. Any savings (~€10–15/month) are tiny and dwarfed by compliance/audit risk. Not a real perk.
is this real?
Yeah you're an idiot
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