Bonus Bananas September 16, 2011

1) How Wall St. 'fixes' kill jobs (NY Post) - Charlie Gasparino's take on the news of 30,000 layoffs at Bank of America. In his view, it's all Dodd-Frank's fault. He lays out a good case.

2) Amish investor charged with defrauding his community of millions of dollars (Cleveland.com) - Who knew Bernie Madoff had a cousin named Hezekiah? I'm only kidding, but you don't read stories about Amish con artists every day. 77-year old Monroe Beachy orchestrated a Ponzi scheme worth tens of millions of dollars with only a 10th grade education and some classes at H&R Block. His victims grew suspicious when the crew from "Pimp My Oxcart" showed up to interview him.

3) Rogue Trader Blame Game a Joke (The Street.com) - With news of yet another "rogue" trader, this time at UBS, Phillip van Doorn says it's time to cut the crap and quit blaming individual traders for FIRM screw-ups. As most of us who've been around for any length of time will tell you, the UBS trader and Kerviel and Leeson and all the rest of them didn't do anything their banks didn't allow them to do. It's all rainbows and unicorns when you're making the bank money. Have something big go sideways, though, and they'll throw you under the bus so fast it'll make your head spin.

4) Finally Some Good News for Yahoo!: Marc Andreessen Wants To Buy It (Business Insider) - Yahoo! has to be the worst managed "major" Internet property on the web. With the ouster of Bartz and the For Sale sign on the lawn, I actually thought the company might go away forever. But now it looks like Andreessen Horowitz might have a real interest in buying the hobbled search company. If anyone could make a horse race of it, they could.

5) Bubble Boys (New York Magazine) - While we're on the subject of Silicon Valley whiz kids, this article is a MUST READ if for no other reason than to perhaps inspire the entrepreneurial spirit within yourself. Two weeks ago I wasn't aware of YouTube Instant; now I use it at least once a day. And this kid put it together in a couple hours. Incredible.

6) Banker owes Elton John charity £700k after auction (Mirror UK) - Let this be a lesson to you boys: they serve free drinks at charity auctions for a reason. Dubai banker Spencer Lodge availed himself of too many free cocktails and then bid $1 million for a little alone time with Sir Elton and his life partner David Furnish. Not the kind of thing I'd bid on, but whatever. Now he can't pay and Elton is pissed. A few years ago I bought a book for $600 at a charity auction and my wife still breaks my balls about it. Bid with caution.

7) Berlusconi ‘called Merkel an unfuckable lard-arse’ (The First Post) - For those of you naive enough to think the European crisis is all about sovereign debt, let me assure you that it has a lot more to do with Silvio and who he's doing, who he wants to do, and who he wouldn't even do with your dick. Evidently Germany's Angela Merkel falls into the latter category. This guy's all class.

8) Wife Performing In Sex Tape Doesn't Know She's A Star (Yahoo! News) - Not only do I find this hysterically funny, I have a feeling it's going to start happening all the time. This guy was obviously checking out some porn online when he came across his wife working for the money shot. Now he's wondering if he should tell her, and how to break it to little Johnny that Mommy's a slut.

9) A Porn Bunker for the Apocalypse (CNBC) - While we're on the subject of porn, those of you concerned about the world coming to an end in 2012 and finding yourselves in a post-apocalyptic nightmare without porn can breathe a sigh of relief. San Fernando Valley-based (natch) Pink Visual is building an underground bunker of porn designed to withstand asteroids, biblical rapture, solar mass ejections, and all other Earth-killers. Also, they'll have a number of fully stocked bars. Now that's thinking.

10) Top 10: Things Not to Say to Your Girlfriend (Dating For Today's Man) - Thought I'd rap this week up with some really useful advice. They need to change the title, though. Because these are 10 really solid things to say to a woman you're no longer interested in seeing. Use it as you see fit. You're welcome.

You're going to want to go FULL SCREEN on this week's Video of the Week. This is just bad ass. I can't believe how fast this guy gets going and how close he comes to the ground a couple times. This has to be the ultimate rush. I'd love to hear from anyone who's done it:

Along the same lines, I found this one courtesy of @pkedrosky. Equally awesome in its own way. Go FULL SCREEN on this one, too. So here's the Bonus Video of the Week:

Experience Zero Gravity from Betty Wants In on Vimeo.

Let me know what you think of this week's Bananas, and have a great weekend guys!