Help with Summer Internship Application

Generic points but check your spelling, consistency and grammar. A few things jumped out with a skim read:

• Capitalisation of Stonewall Organisation Award (1st answer)
• Leukemia spelt correctly and capitalise Day (3rd answer)
• "In addition, learning more about Business Risk Area from JP Morgan staff will be more beneficial to me than any other banks because it is one of the few banks that prioritise risk as an important part of their wider organization." - reword the middle part of this, it reads a bit clumsily

Content aside, the writing style of your answers has to be perfect. Imagine yourself as an analyst; you have a lot of applications to read through and not much time to do it. Any which are a struggle to read you will probably just put in the 'No' pile.

From reading your answers I'm assuming English is not your first language (if it is, then I apologise...). You should get a friend to read it over and help you reword some of it, just to improve the flow.