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Quite doubtful this would get past an IB screen at a BB or MM without a rewrite.
Line spacing is inconsistent.
Typos/grammar.
Don't list three bullets for your finance club and then only three bullets on your internships. I'd say one bullet max for both extracurriculars because you did nothing important there anyway.
Not one bullet adequately outlined a situation, action, and result.
With 9 prior internships/jobs I'm sure you have some good content to put down so just be more descriptive and try again.
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