Recent M.S. grad looking into new career paths, please roast my resume

Thank you for taking a look and please be brutal.
Quick background: Since mid-undergrad, I've been trying to finesse my way into working for an accelerator and/or eventually break into VC. After a pretty rough start to the year and taking a couple of months off this Summer to take care of family, I'm realizing it would be better to scratch my new venture itch by working in a less demanding field and pursuing entrepreneurship on my own time. 
Goal: Leverage what I have into a corporate finance (ideally remote) job.