Roast My Resume; old-timer lacking experience

I have previous post (https://www. wallstreetoasis .com/forums/msf-graduate-proj-manager-wno-finance-experience-need-advice) outlining my situation, but the TL&DR is that I'm attempting a career shift into finance while in my early 30s after a poor stint in project management for higher education publishers. Hoped on getting into an analyst role for an investment or wealth management firm after a MSF program, but I don't have the work experience they're looking for and have been failing to making headway with my alumni network. To prove my dedication I passed the CFA Level I exam; I didn't expect it to open six-figure openings but I was hoping it would at least demonstrate my commitment to the career change.

I realize I'm late to the game, so I get that BBs and other boutiques want someone younger for entry-level/analyst roles, thus I need to change strategies. I have a background in coding, and have taken the liberty to improve the processes for some projects by automating some of the grunt work. At my last paid job I essentially wore a hard-had and carried on everything from project planning to design to coding to analysis. Recently I've been helping a startup with site design, setting up analytical reports to plan next steps, prioritizing features in development, reviewing copy for pages and marketing, and preparing materials to present; I just didn't want a prolonged absence on my resume and really wanted to keep busy.

Welp, destroy my resume I guess and make me fully regret my life choices:

• Version 1 - https://www. pdf-archive .com/2020/05/12/resume-rip-to-shreds/resume-rip-to-shreds.pdf
  The first version is one I tried using based on the feedback from a director at KPMG, he originally wanted me to list course projects and some visuals on secondary pages, but I still wasn't getting any call-backs so I cut them out.

• Version 2 - https://www. pdf-archive. com/2020/05/12/resume-rip/resume-rip.pdf
  The second is WSO's template, but I personally think it pertains more to undergrads and wouldn't be relevant.

After I finish wallowing in self-pity from reading your comments, I hope to better identify which groups and specializations would benefit from my skillset and start laying the ground work for making connections there; I'd rather my degree not go to waste, but I gotta pay the bills at some point.