Balancing relationship and career decisions

haxx0r31337:

Fellow monkeys,

Online probably isn't the best place to seek for advice but would like an external perspective regardless.

Some background: HYP undergrad, and a current 1st year associate at a BB Financial Sponsors Group in NYC. I recently got an offer to join a PE MF at another location (London). I'm from Europe and I've always wanted to return home post graduation so this is one area of interest for me as well.

This PE MF checks out and I've networked with a couple of alumni who have all said decent things about the culture of the firm and the team that I'll be working with. On a financial perspective, this is also a c. 70% increase over total comp vs. what I would get in BB IBD, but...

I recently met this girl who's an absolute 10 and I think I could go all the way with her... would definitely like to see where this would head but at the same time if I take this PE MF offer I would be effectively ending my chances with her (long-distance never works).

Honestly if she wasn't a consideration I would take the PE MF offer in a heartbeat, but I feel like if I go ahead and take it, I'll regret burning my chances with her forever.

Am I completely retarded if I choose to remain in BB IBD and stay with her - what do you guys think?

I was friends with someone in a similar situation. Was in NYC and had option to move to London for a better position.

He was in a relationship and this fast forwarded their commitment to being engaged. He proposed in NYC. She had a good job in the city too, but he was in PE and she was in advertising/marketing (at a reputable company, but salary was likely 1/3 of his).

It was apparent that this was a baller opportunity and she seemed very ecstatic about the whole situation. Almost bubbly. They must have given him some offer over there, lol. She just quit her job. She knew this was a big deal for him and for their future relationship.

I think you have to try to pave the way to that point at least, if you want to continue the relationship. Are you even in a relationship? You just said 'met' the girl, so I wasn't sure. I think taking the offer should be a non-issue. It sounds like a good opportunity - go for it.

The only option should be if the chick is going to come with you and how you're going to play that card.

if this is your dream job and aligned w/ where you want to be long term, then you're crazy to bail on it for a 5 month relationship. at the end of the day, women vote w/ their feet. in other words, if she chooses to move w/ you then you know you have the real deal. if she doesnt, then it wasn't a strong as you thought. don't project your own interest onto her and assume it's her own thoughts.

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It might be a harsh perspective but yes as to others' points, girls do come and go. I can see this being more of a worthwhile debate if you were already in a committed long term relationship with this girl but 5 months?

We've all gone through it, we fall for someone and over the next few months, you think they're the "one" but once you get past that phase, different criteria is taken into account on whether you should continue the relationship.

Just think about it, if this really is your career and life goal, it's going to come back to haunt you if you don't seize the opportunity. Even worse, you might even come to resent the girl undeservedly if it doesn't work out in NYC professionally.

That being said, you moving away doesn't necessarily mean things can't work out. There's plenty of scenarios where you two can end up together, it won't be easy but it'll prove she's the one for you.

Feel free to PM me if you just wanna chat, I went through a similar thing about a year ago, except I broke off a 5 year relationship.

Pussy is one hell of a drug...

Mr. Burns knows

PE MF in London all the way. Speaking from experience here, Euro girls are hotter, esp in London..... She's very easy to replace. Only saying this bc it's been 5 months and she still doesn't want to be exclusive with you. This is one sided bro.....

Opportunity of a lifetime vs girl who’s not keen to be exclusive after 5 months.

You are head over heels and she’s keen to be selective and make sure all her eggs are not in one basket to make sure she has choices.

You are blinded, London and never look back.

I guess I'll need to talk to her even if it's gonna suck

Thanks y'all

Go make tons of money. Shes already basically told you that youre not the one. I wouldnt need a job opportunity to dump her if thats what I was looking for when she made that comment :).

Your dream girl is waiting for you in London.

Take the offer and don't look back.

Stop being a pussy and take the job

London is about to open. You should call them asap and tell them you're accepting the offer.

Bro, just take the PE MF offer - are you fucking out of your mind?!

You seem heads over heel for this girl and ready to sacrifice for her - but will she do the same for you? Relationships need commitment from BOTH sides, you can't fucking clap with one hand.

If she can't see the value in you even after all of that, this just sounds like an endeavor that's not worth it (from YOUR perspective).

When this all boils down - trust me you will have NO regrets, but perhaps she will for letting you go.

Plenty of women out there in the sea, and you have the pedigree - Ivy League graduate, working in a PE megafund - why the fuck is this even a doubt?

no matter how hot she is, there's always someone hotter, and remember if you get married, plan on it being for life. is she still a 10 with stretch marks, a wrinkly forehead, and bags under her eyes? if not, it's not love mate.

move to London and spend your relo bonus on a bender in prague or spain, you'll have plenty of opps with 10s

Take the job. Shouldn't require an explanation.

Lol you're not even in a relationship with this chic yet? Please don't be a simp. Go to London.

Background: I'm one of the older, more grounded guys on here. I have a wife and kids that I love and I value a great work/life balance. I'm one of the most likely to tell you to give the girl a shot.

However, you've been "together" for 5 months without being exclusive (?) and "I've tried popping the relationship question with her recently (we're not exclusive yet) but she told me that the next person she will date she will likely go all the way with, and that she's not ready yet." IS all you need to know.

We get it she's hot. That's cool, but will become less important in 10 years. Given that she wants to go to London she's really paved the way for your attempt to keep her. You can fly her out for a few weekends, help her job hunt, etc... Ultimately you can try everything in your power to make a long distance relationship work, but you CAN NOT turn down the job.

Honestly, there's a 90% chance this doesnt work out with her when you move, but there's an 85% chance it doesnt work out in NYC.

You'll 100% find out how she feels about you when you tell her that you have a job opportunity in London that you dont think you can pass up and you know London is her dream too so you want to make this work. Within 3 minutes of saying that to her you'll know exactly where you stand and what the likely outcome of your relationship was going to be (regardless of location).

there are 7B people on earth. Take the job and if it's meant to be you guys can work it out, if not move on.

Simple rule in life - You should never make someone a priority if that person only treats you as an option.

Take the job in London. London is a fantastic city (I used to live there) and you will easily meet someone who will make you forget about this girl. Plus, believe it or not, English girls dig the American accent in the same way American girls dig guys with English/"British" accents.

OP is basically a bachelorette contestant proposing cancelling life-altering plans to have a 1/26 shot at maybe having a chance to just date this girl exclusively. Dude, come on I assume you don’t have a ton of experience with women if you are even considering this but your life will be much better off improving yourself first.

You and her need to sit down and have some serious discussions on what you want as individuals, and together, to happen in the next month, quarter, year, 3 years, etc. Have a deep dive chat on career aspirations, thoughts on marriage, potential kids, religion, the heavy stuff etc. Might be tough at first, but I think it’s absolutely necessary in this situation.

To move forward, you need to be on the same page. You might learn you’re aligned and you can move to London together because you’re aligned on what you want, or you might both want completely different things and I guarantee you’ll find a babe elsewhere. You’re an HYP grad pulling fat cash. You’re every 10s dream guy.

My opinion is if it’s 5 months in and you’ve discussed being in an exclusive relationship but she’s wishy washy on it, you have ZERO reason to prioritize her over your career.

UK is going to be a shitshow for the foreseeable future. Stay in the US.

This has got to be one of the funniest threads on WSO. Poor guy getting trolled.

I think you’ll find another gal in London. Unless you were dating for 5+ years not sure why the hesitancy lol

I am a girl and I suggest you go all the way with London no hesitation...

As a girl -- take the job, go to London. I would do the same.

Future said. "Chase a check never chase a bitch"

You can put all your eggs in 1 basket with this chick or you can take the best opportunity & down the road you'll have more options with several 10s. Self-improve & get out there. You'll meet so many chicks and your Game will improve.

Hey man,

While no one here can know the precise dynamics of your relationship with this girl, from the description you've provided, it sounds like she's just not that into you. It also sounds like you're infatuated. That's a bad combination. If you had been dating exclusively, and it looked like things were about to get really serious, I might have different advice, but that's not the case here.

If you've only been dating casually for 5 months, and she's not even at the point of making your relationship exclusive, you're probably reaching. If she were that into you, it probably wouldn't have taken 5 months to commit to something. Right now, she's sleeping with other people, and you're considering giving up what sounds like your dream job. That doesn't sound like a smart move.

Perhaps I've characterized the situation incorrectly, but if she's a '10' in your book (or anyone else's), there's an excellent chance she has a glut of options from very eligible men. Even coming from a HYP/BB/MF background, and even if you're in great shape, great looking, charming, worldly and cultured, you might still not measure up favorably to what a real 10 in NY or London has to choose from.

A 10, to be clear, is mostly not based on looks. It's a compatibility thing. She has to be extremely good-looking, your ideal body type, well-educated, come from a good family that you get along with, enjoy at least some of your hobbies, tolerate your foibles, have a great sense of humor, fuck like a demon, have a similar libido to yours, have career ambitions that mesh with your goals (and vice-versa), and essentially want the same things you want without stepping on one another's toes all the time. Given this, you don't know that she's a 10. You see high scores in some of those stats, and mistake that for circumspection. It sounds like you haven't done the due diligence to make such a high-risk decision. Since you'd be punting on a sure thing with a high payout in the hopes of converting on a low-probability event, the payout on that event has to be much, much higher in your mind than the MF job offer. And like I said, it seems you haven't done the DD to make that call.

You should take the job, if you were in a serious relationship I suppose you could ask her to weigh her opinion and her feelings but if the relationship is new you should probably prioritize the role. If she is the right one she will totally understand/work things out with you. If she thinks you're worth it there is always a solution. The big question that might help is how would you feel if you took the job and she left? vs how would you feel if you stayed with her and she left? which option would make you feel more regret. That's your answer as far as which one is more important to you.

On an encouraging note, sounds like you are doing well for yourself, regardless of the decision you make sounds like you have a bright future ahead of you. Hoping for the best regarding the role and your lady friend. I hope you get to have your cake and eat it too!

ake the job - and don't ask for her permission to go. Just tell her that you're moving to London and that she can come visit. Play hard to get and play it cool.

If you play your cards right, she might just be blown away and become even more interested in you. How many guys would tell her 'hey thanks for everything, but i'm pursuing my dreams and moving to London..'

If you tell her straight up you're moving to London, you'll appear like an Alpha in her eyes. She probably thinks you're Beta right now and isn't sure if she should commit. Teach her a lesson by 'letting her go'. She'll never forget you then.

Why not make her your Fuck Buddy? That way, you can still visit her/or she visits you and you can still smash. Problem solved.

Dude, first of all congrats on your offer. Now, my 2 cents of advice:

1) Ask your dad for advice. I don't want to sound lame here, but I actually to this once in a while. It's surprising how wise our parents can be in common life matters (such as love vs carreer, etc).

2) Think of both the best and worst case scenarios if you go and if you stay (4 scenarios in total). Then try to describe them with as much details as you can and write them down. Our minds sometimes exaggerate things - for the better and worse. Writing them down helps me to keep a clear head when thinking of consequences. Hope it helps you too.

3) Follow your gut, man. What do you really want?

You just busted your ass for years to get this job and now you'd honestly consider dropping it because you.....might.....end up with her? What if she dumps you tomorrow?

If she's a real "10" she'll stick around and support you.

Bring it up to her. If she isn't equally willing to drop her shit to go with you and take advantage of your good fortune and prosperity as you are to give that up to be with her, then you're not on an equal footing here. If you're meant to be, then you can reconnect a few months after you leave and see if she's still sticking around.

But as others have said, she's as likely to view you as a booty call right now as a boyfriend, so it's a little crazy that you're considering giving up a dream opportunity to hope that maybe in a few months she'll be ready to stop being physically and emotionally intimate with other men.

Also... anyone woman says "the next person I date will be the man I marry" is also going to be divorcing that person before marrying again. Putting that kind of timeline on it is a GIANT red flag

How you perceive this as "balancing relationship and career" is beyond me.

Given what you've told us about your "relationship" with her, the only thing you ought to be "balancing" is the balance sheets.

Have a great time in London, and congratulations!

First on location: I have lived in both London and NYC as a single guy, 5 yrs and 6 yrs respectively. NYC has a lot of 10s but London doesn't have nearly enough. Not a good place to be single. Ratio is always against you and pretty unpleasant overall even with online dating. Even 5s are just too cocky because they are aware of the situation. However, great place to raise a family as I'm sure you know. I also would like to end up there with my wife at some point in the future if it becomes more immigrant friendly.

You'll never be this age again, but you will be able to find another job offer in London sometime in the future if you keep working hard, while bringing your 10 of a wife with you.

Second: Yes, long distance never works, never waste your time on that sht.

Distance works when both are willing. Grad school took my girlfriend across the country 8 months ago and we're still going strong. Just got to have a plan to rekindle once it makes sense.. without that, then there's no real point....

But with relevance to your story, jump back across the pond and forget about her my dude. As countless others on this thread have already stated.... she's not even down to commit to only you.. and you've been seeing her for 5 months. Sack up, pack up and don't look back. You'll thank yourself sooner than later

I took the offer. I think infatuation is the right word here.

But I'm still a greedy bastard so I want to take the cake and eat it too.