Hi chimps.
My work related anxiety has been on the rise recently - I get a spike of anxiety with every email and get anxious on every staffing (mainly scared for the work ahead, hours, people being dissapointed in my work, not being able to do the work, etc). I’ve been at the desk for a year now, but not sure how to deal with this still.
do any of you experience the same? How do you cope? I’m miserable like this and not sure I can take this for much longer :(
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I pretty consistently experience the same - I'm inclined to think it's some stealthy imposter syndrome creeping up that I just dread doing things because I'm afraid of them going wrong. But let me ask you this - when do these awful outcomes ever really happen? In my experience, the idea of the work is often so much worse than the experience once I get the ball rolling, and I almost always end up happy with myself and proud of what I've done to help my team. If I were you, I'd focus on changing my mindset about these things - be cognizant of how you are visualizing the task ahead, and pick the version of things the way YOU want them to be. You could view a big bakeoff as a dreadful and scary tidal wave of work and anxiety in front of you - OR you could focus on the positives, view it as a challenge, and a chance to better yourself. A chance to take on more responsibility. Focus on what you'd like to learn - where do you want to improve this time? What do you think is interesting about this company? Think about the outcome, the feeling you'll have when you finally get the deck out the door and get to listen in on the bakeoff call where your MD is using your hard work to impress a CEO. There have been many psychological studies done, highlighted by some smart guys like Naval on Joe Rogan's podcast, about how so much of who you are is just what you tell yourself you are - if you tell yourself that you are a happy person, someone who confronts challenges head on and focuses on the positive, you will find yourself DOING those very things, and becoming that image of yourself that you've projected out into the world. It's worked reasonably well for me, hope it can do the same for you man!
Stop viewing banking like you'd view a normal career (where you're in it for the long haul, where you want to keep everyone happy to grease the wheels for promotion, where you feel like you're part of a big team that's adding value etc.). Banking isn't that way, it's purely transactional. You're there to do work, get paid a bunch, get a name on your resume, then leave within a few years. So fuck em. Proper fuck em. Still TRY, of course. But just realize that some jackass being a dick to you now isn't going to matter in a few years and certainly not in ten. So fuck em, who cares. I think people who have to deal with extremely toxic seniors frequently get hardened this way more quickly (or they just break and quit).
I can relate here - I used to get scared of excels and all the technical work, but at the end of the day, the worst that can happen is you don’t understand how to do something and you ask your associate. If they don’t help you, the issue is on them - you asked for help and can’t do it without them. As others have said, you’re in banking for the name on your resume, you can preform how you want once you get the exit or have learned enough. Don’t stress too much buddy :)
I too have been dealing with a little imposter syndrome that has gotten somewhat better after being at the desk for a year, but I still struggle with the anxiety and thoughts of not being good enough / smart enough mentioned above. I've found it extremely helpful to take time to remember that this is my first job and it's just a stepping stone. I didn't know anything when I first started and there are still moments when I realize I don't know that much, but with every new staffing I remind myself that it's an opportunity to learn new skills, new knowledge that I can put onto my resume or use in interviews to eventually get a better job that I can actually enjoy. I would also emphasize that it's important to ask questions when you're unsure of something. I was afraid of asking questions for my first few months because I didn't want to look stupid, but I've sort of embraced my lack of knowledge and that enables me to feel more comfortable asking questions. I really don't care if I have to ask my associate or VP the same thing multiple times because I want to know the right answer. I want to know how to do the work they're asking me to do and I want to know what it means and how it fits into the materials we're showing.
From personal experience, I think the only way to truly overcome imposter syndrome is to let your insecurities and fears take a back seat while you embrace your curiosities. I'm not sure if your firm has already started placing you with interns, but being able to walk our interns through simple tasks that I once considered daunting has helped me realize how far I have gotten. Just keep doing your work and asking questions and the anxiety will slowly start to fade once you realize that you are capable of doing whatever you're asked to do. Sure the hours may be long. You might get staffed with a hardo or with someone who just doesn't have the time or patience to help you out. Use your resources and actively ask around for help. The struggle and accompanying sense of fulfillment once you've figured everything out will help you see that you're not just capable of doing this job, but you're capable of doing any job regardless of whether or not you know what you're doing. Keep your head up and don't forget that the struggle is only temporary!
Listen to music during work can help calm down.
Take it one day at a time. Go for a walk to clear your head.
I would say you have to start caring a bit less. As you develop your own confidence, this gets easier to do.
Thank you all! This has made me feel a bit better :) any other tips appreciated below for fellows who feel the same
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