Finding time to date in your early-20s?

Currently working around 60-70 hours in asset management and am putting in around 20-30 hours outside of work trying to grow a software company. I see my friends maybe once every couple weeks and it seems like they're all trying to get into a long-term relationship with the intention of settling down in 3-4 years. We're all 24 years old.

In the past 12 months, I've probably only gone on 4 dates and they've all been friends of friends. Literally after each one, they'd tell our mutual friend that they see some potential in the relationship and I'd have to tell them I'm not looking to settle down until my early-30s.

I don't really feel any burnout since my job is pretty low stress and I find personal fulfillment in programming. I just don't know if I'm wasting my youth by devoting all of my free time into my career.

Have you guys experienced this? Most of my friends are female working traditionally female dominated jobs (i.e., teachers, nursing, marketing, fashion, etc.), so I find it really difficult to get them to understand my thought process when I talk to them about relationships.

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Comments (50)

Jun 28, 2018

While I think you do not tofind time for mother stuff besides career it's your life.

Plus your judgment is skewed as females generally want to settle down and usually sooner than dudes.

The bigger question is why you got so few bro friends? Usually that alludes to something else.

Jun 28, 2018

I have someone that manages my Tinder/Bumble profile and usually allocate time for 2 to 4 dates a month but I haven't really been too thrilled at the prospect of a serious relationship either. Most of the girls weren't very bright or interesting. IDK, not something really worth forcing. Just have fun.

Jun 28, 2018

Need more color on outsourcing your tinder swiping.

Funniest
Jun 28, 2018

this

    • 27
Jun 29, 2018

I hired someone off UpWork. It's like $50 - $80 a month. They do a few other platforms for me. They close dates and then I get emailed about them and let them know if I want to follow through or not basically. It's 100% worth it! There are some online agencies too that offer it.

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Jun 29, 2018

Are you really not seeing how that's a bad idea? Just cause you're getting dates doesn't mean they're the same quality you'd get alone. I guess it's whatever your priorities are. You're on track to be married at 37 and divorced at 42.

http://arthuxtable.blogspot.com/2014/05/tinder-end...
http://arthuxtable.blogspot.com/2014/06/art-huxtab...

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

    • 3
Jun 29, 2018
GoldenCinderblock:

Are you really not seeing how that's a bad idea? Just cause you're getting dates doesn't mean they're the same quality you'd get alone. I guess it's whatever your priorities are. You're on track to be married at 37 and divorced at 42.

http://arthuxtable.blogspot.com/2014/05/tinder-end...
http://arthuxtable.blogspot.com/2014/06/art-huxtab...

This guy's a regular Shakespear, what you talking bout

Jun 29, 2018
m_1:

I hired someone off UpWork. It's like $50 - $80 a month. They do a few other platforms for me. They close dates and then I get emailed about them and let them know if I want to follow through or not basically. It's 100% worth it! There are some online agencies too that offer it.

Saves time on finding dates. Wastes even more time on shitty dates. Logics.

    • 1
Jun 29, 2018

Like I said, not overly concerned with finding a long term relationship as I'm 25 and work 80+ hours a week anyways.

Jul 1, 2018
m_1:

I hired someone off UpWork. It's like $50 - $80 a month. They do a few other platforms for me. They close dates and then I get emailed about them and let them know if I want to follow through or not basically. It's 100% worth it! There are some online agencies too that offer it.

Jesus Bro

Don't break yourself on the way to making yourself

Dec 1, 2018

thanks for the comment I found Matchmakrs dot com they are great ! They provide me with weekly dates and they host private network parties. It's a cool community(only finance ppl) and like I said the hook you up with girls. I pay $600 bucks and you can cancel at any time.

Jun 29, 2018

Where can I hire this guy to manage my profile?

Jun 29, 2018

Tons of them on UpWork.

Dec 1, 2018

I made a comment above try out Matchmakrs dot com they also offering a free trial for new members. They are professionals and they manage everything for a fair price! Just count the hours you would waste on tinder copy pasting .....

Learn More

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Jun 28, 2018

Everyone has different priorities. Everyone has different risk tolerances in terms of career and personal life. Live your life as you see fit.

Jun 28, 2018

Just go live on IG with some cool shit going on in the background (BBQ, Jacuzzi, etc.).

Keep the lighting low and the trim will be coming through.

Jun 28, 2018

Don't worry about dating. You're 24, your stock is going to rise. It kinda sucks, girls in college are all about the frat bros, then immediately after you run into them and you're like, oh i guess you're only dating successful 30 year olds now. Hard to be the cool frat guy in college then move on to a successful career immediately after, but it definitely happens. If you can't do both you gotta pick one.

I'm in my mid 20's and it's a strange time for dating. I think it changes in your mid-late 20's when you're more established with a career and connections/friends, and have a real life built out for yourself. My dating life was terrible my first two years out of school, now it's much better as I've built up a solid group of girl friends and guy friends and meet people organically. I think your 20's is the best time in life to focus on career. The rest will come a few years down the line.

    • 12
Jun 29, 2018

Ditch the apps. Invest in yourself and your career, and you will garner attraction from the right women. No need to force these things at your age. You want to meet someone and build organic ties from the onset of the relationship.

Long hours in financial services seem more bearable when you have a significant other waiting for you at home that is understanding and supportive of your career choices. No more fear of missing out..

    • 4
Jun 29, 2018

Early 20s. I found an incredible girlfriend on Hinge who is equally career driven, very fun, went to an equally good school, has similar values, and is very pretty. YMMV, just one data point.

    • 1
Jun 29, 2018

If you're not ready to settle down until your 30s, why are you wasting your time going on dates?

Jun 29, 2018

You don't like getting laid?

Jul 1, 2018
m_1:

You don't like getting laid?

For the sake of fucking because you're horny?

No

Jul 1, 2018

Do you have low test? :p

Jul 2, 2018
m_1:

Do you have low test? :p

Actually I don't, and my sex drive is quite normal. I guess I might have been misinterpreted, I was saying that I wouldn't like to get laid in the context of just fucking (lust). FWB/ONS aren't for me (tried it), I would rather prefer a loving relationship (which I am in) over just filling up the void of loneliness for short term pleasure :p

Jul 3, 2018

1) If OP is going on dates under the guise of getting into relationships when he doesn't want a relationship, he's wasting his time.

2) If all OP wants is to get laid, taking girls out on dates is also a waste of time.

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Jun 29, 2018

You can meet people socially as well as advance your company at networking events...

Most Helpful
Jun 29, 2018

As a former subscriber and recent convert from the "I'm gonna grind until 30 and then marry" crowd:

I think a lot of you guys have it kinda backwards about how romance works out when you're in professional services in the city. The vast majority of 30 something people I know in law/finance with good relationships and marriages started in their 20s. The dating pool gets very limited when you hit your 30s in a way that resembles a sad version of musical chair, and for everyone dreaming about finding a 20-something wife looking for a successful 30 y/o guy, this is not the norm in my observation of things.

If you find the right S/O, they will be happy to support you in your professional aspirations, not be a hindrance to them.

Jun 30, 2018
Fugue:

As a former subscriber and recent convert from the "I'm gonna grind until 30 and then marry" crowd:

I think a lot of you guys have it kinda backwards about how romance works out when you're in professional services in the city. The vast majority of 30 something people I know in law/finance with good relationships and marriages started in their 20s. The dating pool gets very limited when you hit your 30s in a way that resembles a sad version of musical chair, and for everyone dreaming about finding a 20-something wife looking for a successful 30 y/o guy, this is not the norm in my observation of things.

If you find the right S/O, they will be happy to support you in your professional aspirations, not be a hindrance to them.

Very interesting to hear. The MD and directors from my office all met their wives when they were late-20s and early-30s and most of their wives are a lot younger than them. That's only a data point from one office though.

    • 1
Jul 1, 2018
Fugue:

As a former subscriber and recent convert from the "I'm gonna grind until 30 and then marry" crowd:

I think a lot of you guys have it kinda backwards about how romance works out when you're in professional services in the city. The vast majority of 30 something people I know in law/finance with good relationships and marriages started in their 20s. The dating pool gets very limited when you hit your 30s in a way that resembles a sad version of musical chair, and for everyone dreaming about finding a 20-something wife looking for a successful 30 y/o guy, this is not the norm in my observation of things.

If you find the right S/O, they will be happy to support you in your professional aspirations, not be a hindrance to them.

Holy hell that is depressing. Interesting take though

Don't break yourself on the way to making yourself

Jul 1, 2018

Agreed. Nothing is really a hindrance. It's like saying that you won't get into a relationship because of work. lol, there's like more obstacles on the way and if you stick with that mindset, GL lasting in a long term relationship

Jul 5, 2018
Fugue:

The dating pool gets very limited when you hit your 30s

For guys?

hahahaha riiiiiiiiight

https://gifimage.net/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/sensible-chuckle-gif-imgur-10.gif

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

    • 1
Jul 5, 2018

IDK man, depends what you're looking for. No doubt there are a lot of single women in their 30s in NYC. The question is whether those are the people you want to be limited to when looking for a wife.

Was just on NJ Transit the other weekend headed back to the city, and across from me is this woman in her mid thirties catching up with a friend, telling her about how she broke up with her long term boyfriend recently because she's "Not ready to settle down" and "Wants to be a boss ass bitch."

I felt bad for her. Her looks were fading, and it sounds like she won't try to find something lasting until she makes the million that it didn't sound like she is ever going to make.

Not that I want to paint the whole 30 something crowd with one brush - but there's a selection bias within that pool for people who are iffy about marriage etc and who have very rigid ideas about the preconditions for a successful relationship that don't really comport with reality, imo.

Jul 6, 2018
Fugue:

IDK man, depends what you're looking for. No doubt there are a lot of single women in their 30s in NYC.

What, you don't like chicks in their 20s?

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Jul 6, 2018

Honestly, as a 30-something looking for an equal partner in life? No, probably not.

Jul 9, 2018

Bro just go to Russia and wave your blue passport around, you'll be married to a gold digging smokeshow in 24 hours.

    • 8
Jul 9, 2018
brosephstalin:

Bro just go to Russia and wave your blue passport around, you'll be married to a gold digging smokeshow in 24 hours.

Burst out laughing at this. "Wave your blue passport" and "smokeshow" took me out. LMAO.

"From now on, I want you to put an equal amount of blueberries in each muffin." -Sam "Ace" Rothstein

Jul 12, 2018

Works the same way in Slovenia too... and then you can become president.

Jun 29, 2018

I also dont plan on settling down until early 30s, but I still spend most of my free time chasing girls. Its fun, but I kinda wish I was more focused on a side hustle instead as most of these relationships are pointless... I date them 2-3 times fuck them 2-3 times and then just move on the the next. Rinse and repeat.

However, there are some upsides, like im getting really good with girls so I can see it being easier snagging a dime to settle down with once I am ready.

Jun 29, 2018

I'm a female and I'd say just focus on your career. If you end up being really successful you'll have plenty of opportunities to find women. Not that women are only interested in financial success, but some women just prefer older more accomplished men. There's no need to rush into marrying some kindergarten teacher that can't comprehend the need to work long hours.

    • 4
Jul 4, 2018

Original poster read this book ASAP!

https://www.amazon.com/Oooooh-Say-Again-Mastering-...
I find the audible version to be the best of all choices to receive this information.

Stop going on dates and wasting your time (VALUE YOUR TIME)!

Big bodacious goals will get us to another galaxy.

    • 1
Jul 5, 2018

Dude... This shit is hilarious. I wanna listen to book 1

Jul 6, 2018

Hahaha, I agree! But it is the reality. It makes no sense for the original poster to meet women and spend time or money on them if he does not want to. I hope the original poster stops wasting his time and continues to focus on his career since that is what he wants right now in his life. @itsanumbersgame it is all about going for what you want!
@BryceLarkin I really hope you buy this audiobook and change your approach to dating (value your time).

Big bodacious goals will get us to another galaxy.

Jul 8, 2018

This is why Pfizer (NYSE:PFE)'s Viagara was/is such a bit hit.

Able bodied men in the prime of the lives forced into wage slavery. Missing out on fornicating with all the young(er) girls during this time.

Finally retires at age 60. Suddenly has ample time, but it won't stand up.

Alas, the sadism of capitalism/agriculture. Gotta love it.

    • 1
    • 1
Jul 8, 2018

I have a lot of data points on this. As a 24-year-old guy, I'm not sure what type of woman you can realistically date. If you're really good-looking, you can definitely still get laid, but you're honestly still kind of a child. You've only been out of college for (probably) two years. Working in asset management, you're probably not even an associate yet. You probably make $100K per year base (max) with 25%-40% bonus at the moment. That's not exactly 'poor', but that's definitely not great money either.

I'm in my early 30s, and have dated some excellent women through my 20s. I didn't seriously consider getting married until my late 20s or maybe even 30. I'm still not convinced I want to get married, and I have almost no interest in having children. A schoolteacher/nurse/etc. wife would annoy me.

I once had a boss sit down everyone in the NY office to talk about different dimensions of success. People had been whingeing about compensation and promotions, and he was trying to make the point that they didn't have their priorities straight. He had made it to the C-suite of Solomon Brothers in his mid 30s precisely because he always put his career first until he was at least 30. He made the point that doing so wasn't for everyone, and that there are many dimensions of success outside of financial or career success. But if you want to be rich, you want to be powerful, and you want the accolades that come with those things, you generally have to make some sacrifices along the way. You might have to sacrifice having a family of your own for a little while. And you might have to compromise on your time with your family when you eventually have one.

You can have a fulfilling relationship in your 20s, get married, have kids, and still thread the needle and become a boss, but for every dimension of success outside of work you choose to prioritize early in life, the less likely it becomes that you'll actually become a major success. That doesn't mean you won't make MD/Partner, but it might be the difference between you taking that job in Hong Kong or London that really moves your career forward because you can't move your family/your wife doesn't want to move/you're too comfortable in the other areas of your life that are going well.

The thing is, even if you make all of those sacrifices, you might still not make it to the top. And if you don't, you still have a shot, though that shot is at a much narrower target. It sounds like you've already made up your mind to focus on your career, and are getting a bit of FOMO about the path not taken. You only have so much time, and your job/side hustle take up almost all of your waking hours. A relationship in your mid-20s might make sense if you lived in Dallas, but you live in NY. Unless you have family money, if the woman you marry doesn't make her own income, you're too poor to get married anyway.

Are you going to go back to b-school or graduate school? If so, you have 2 full years of dicking around to meet new people and still 'settle down' by the time you're 30 if that's what you want. As you become slightly more mature and more successful, you'll also become more worldly and more of a catch in general. The types of girls interested in cultivating a relationship with a 24-year-old in New York with the view to marrying them in the next few years aren't generally worth marrying anyway if you have big career goals.

My one caveat to that is if you can marry a legitimately rich chick. If you can cultivate a relationship with someone who vaults you out of your current social class, then knock yourself out.

    • 10
Jul 8, 2018

Agree with this.

Best time for dating also is late 20s early 30s. Man I loved it smashed the puss and found the one.

Early to mid 29s just smash any pussy you can. Ugly or not just experience it, it's great too - and don't worry about the relationship stuff if that's not your priority now. Who knows you may meet "the one" who changes your mind about it early.

Jul 9, 2018

Have at least one or two hot friends. This sets you up for success as their hot friends wanna "date" the guy that has been vouched for and isn't sending them "s3nd nudes" at 3AM on bumble.

Jul 9, 2018

I've been in NYC for 3.5 years now and met maybe two women I'd even consider dating seriously with the intent of possibly marrying. The only one I could say is both really hot and a really sweet girl is already dating some dude and has been since years before I met her.

Women here look nice, but a majority of them would probably make lousy wives. So many are materialistic, or militant feminists, or have some other non-starter characteristic that makes them someone I would not even consider marrying and raising a kid with.

I think I'm cursed by having started my career in Texas. That place exposed me to what "great women" look/act like. Most NYC chicks I've met aren't hot enough to pull off their attitudes. I'm probably going to either move back to Texas when it's time to settle or convince one of my old Texas girls to move up here. Maybe I'll meet a couple more worthwhile NYC chicks, but I'm not holding my breathe.

"From now on, I want you to put an equal amount of blueberries in each muffin." -Sam "Ace" Rothstein

    • 3
Jul 9, 2018
Jul 10, 2018

Maybe I led you to believe that this was a God given gift and not something I worked for, every single day of my life.

Jul 12, 2018