How to not suck at work?
I am posting this under a throwaway account but post on WSO semi frequently. I currently feel like I suck at my job. I keep forgetting things, keep doing things incorrectly, and am overall frustrated with it.
I wake up at 4:45AM to get to work by 7:30AM because I am sent all over the place in a major city. I get off work late (not IB late) and get home around 8:00PM. Just enough time to eat dinner, get ready for the next day, and spend an hour of my time to learn how to code. I don't move closer to work because I am sent all over the place and really do not have control of my situation. I have voiced concerns to management and gotten, "Yeah.. it's rough." and they increased the distance to another place they send me. Saturday traffic isn't as bad, but still isn't fun to wake up early all the time. Sleeping in is 6:00AM.
Additionally, I outright hate my job. It's not a personal thing against a specific person- I genuinely have as much interest in my job as watching paint dry. I am not a paint enthusiast. It's boring and I feel lost. I am unsure of the processes of my job most of the time and nobody has time to sit down with me. I have been proactive about this and asked for their input, guidance, how they prefer things labeled. I reference old documents but each specific manager likes things very differently. The files here are so screwed up that I never know which manager is in charge of what.
I thought they genuinely disliked me or were hazing me. I talked to the VP in charge of me for a performance review and he said I am doing great. No complaints other than lack of experience within the company. So I asked how I can improve. Nothing, doing great.
I look around and it seems like everyone is dealing with mostly what I am dealing with. They sacrifice their lives and health. Unlike IB, we don't get paid for it. I make about half of what a 1st year Analyst makes. I know people above me aren't making it rain either. It's not like a "hockey stick" pay structure. No commissions, just a base salary. Bonus is $3k PRE tax.
Am I really stupid? Do I suck? Or is this pretty unreasonable? I really am trying to learn to code my way out of being miserable. Maybe the grass is always greener? Just want to hear if I am missing something, work is just like this, or I am just in a bad spot right now.