It has been an year and unexpectedly came across a recent picture of my ex, now I feel real shitty about myself. What should I d

From her picture, it looks like she's been having wonderful time whereas when I think of myself, and it has been an year since the break up, I feel like I've mainly just limited myself to work , workout and studies. I got rid of some bad habits after the break up and just got a lot better emotionally and physically than I was a year ago. However, I feel like I've missed on the "fun" part of life, which can be difficult af when you work in finance. Secondly, I feel like she's didn't have any issue forgetting about me and moving on and I was the only one stuck in the past for so long. It's kinda hurting. It reminds me of that meme where the woman has a great time after break up while the guy is depressed for a long time. Is this the case with all women? Or am I making assumptions as I broke all ties with her that day so I have no way of knowing about her struggles?

I know I should focus more on the positive side of this. Even if I missed the "fun" part, I got to know a lot about myself along the way. I developed patience, perseverance (I used to suck at this), learned to focus on the brighter side of things, healing my rusty connection with "higher energy", as Wayne Dyer says, and just became more spiritual. I also got rid of bad habits and became more strong, character wise... and more.

But still, looking at her picture (all smiles and shit) creates this void in my heart and it hurts like a fucker. I don't know what I should do.

Comments (38)

Sep 8, 2019

Girls move on a lot faster than guys do.

Also assuming she's like most girls, they put on a show on social media.

My advice is just to start meeting new girls, it's so easy to forget about someone when you've got a new one.

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Sep 8, 2019

Yes but there's a problem. I don't like superficial stuff like hooking up on bumble et cetera. Even my coworkers and those in my social circle have different mindsets and I've been looking for someone whose at least like minded. Not exactly looking but that my main criteria and so far, it's been difficult to find one. For a while, it felt like it clicked with this extremely intelligent Muslim girl but since we are so different culturally, I'm not sure if it will work. Secondly, her parents wouldn't approve of any relationship like people normally have... in romantic context of course-- unless it's a marriage I guess.

Sep 8, 2019

If you're not finding like minded people then you're not looking for like minded people.

Also dating apps are a terrible way to meet girls that are good long term prospects. Any girl on a dating app is already talking to 5 dudes by the time you get to her, one wrong move and she can just open the app again and get a new guy.

Put yourself in a position where you're consistently meeting people that have the same mindset.

Sep 8, 2019

This is the lamest shit I've read since I opened my ex's 50 shades of grey.

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Sep 8, 2019

Stop acting tough.

    • 4
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Sep 8, 2019

I get not wanting to censor anyone but this shit just shouldn't belong on this website.

Sep 9, 2019

Lol, this is obviously a troll post.

"I developed patience, perseverance (I used to suck at this),learned to focus on the brighter side of things,** healing my rusty connection with "higher energy", as Wayne Dyer says, and just became more spiritual."

Time to practice what you preach.

Sep 8, 2019

Think about it from a math perspective. There are millions of other women out there you can potentially date (in your country/area). Statistically speaking theres no way she was in the top half. The longer you stay stuck on her, the more you're preventing yourself from finding that better girl. Start making small talk, hang out with people more. Focus on enriching your life and someone better will gravitate to you.

Sep 8, 2019
no1cap:

Think about it from a math perspective. There are millions of other women out there you can potentially date (in your country/area). Statistically speaking theres no way she was in the top half.

What kind of math is this? Statistically speaking, there's a 50% chance she's in the top half. However, considering she probably is in her twenties, has all of her limbs, and (presumably) doesn't have a penis, it's probably fair to assume that she's more likely to be in the top half than not.

How did you run your calculations?

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Sep 8, 2019

I was just trying to make a point, its the weekend dude

Sep 8, 2019

Just don't go on social media. Easier said than done, I know. People are only going to post the best parts of their lives. It's like watching an NFL game and thinking it looks so fun to run down the field. Most people don't watch the countless hours of boring and tedious that go along with it. Same with life- social media is a highlight reel. If you compare your entire life to a highlight reel you'll feel like you do right now.

Also, breakups are hard. They're hard to move on from. Accept that. Going out with a bunch of girls won't help (at least for me anyway). Just taking time to be present and enjoy life will. It's a conscious effort to truly find fun in life.

Also, dated this girl for just shy of 4 years in HS. She moved on quickly at the time. Fast forward to recently and one of my friends ran into her a few weeks ago. Her life sounds like a mess. Honestly made me feel bad for her. But such is life, I remember back at 18 thinking my life was horrible and hers was awesome after moving on. Today, situation seems reversed. Life happens man. What you feel now is not what you will always feel.

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Sep 8, 2019

"My ex said she gave me the best years of her life. I saw a recent picture of her, I guess she was right."

-Ye

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Sep 9, 2019

fire

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Sep 8, 2019

I spend very little time on social media and it's not that I'm comparing my life to others, it's just that, in a way, I'm jealous of her for having fun and and it kind of hurts that I was probably the only one serious about it.

Sep 8, 2019

Here's something I have learned and am trying to master- life is how fun you make it

If you go to work thinking, shit my job sucks and my life sucks and I have no time and I worry about what this person thinks all day, your life will suck and be miserable. If you go in thinking, "Well shit I've got a sick job and a 7.2" BSD and I'm KILLING IT, gonna have fun and if my boss yells at me- well screw him I'm gonna run my own firm and surf on the weekends" then life becomes fun and you'll feel happy. A huge amount of life is how you see yourself. That sentence needs to be repeated. A huge amount of life is how you see yourself.

Obviously if you're some kid given an AK in Syria and told "Good luck" then this doesn't apply. But you (presumably) have a job that pays well over the median income where you live and you (presumably) don't have kids to take care of. You're golden man. Have fun with life.

One of my best friends (who I met on WSO btw) told me this great Allan Watts quote, "It [life] was like a song, you were supposed to dance while the music was playing."

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Most Helpful
Sep 8, 2019

It's always rough ending relationships because you've essentially made a significant other an integral part of your life for a period of time. Mentally, you're conditioned to "expect" the continued presence of that person--even though reality may deviate from this.

What you need to do is take a step back and examine things differently. Look around you; there are hundreds of thousands/millions of people that all have their own unique thoughts, perspectives, and "universes". When you get to know someone in a relationship, naturally, you form attachments to them, and you appreciate their "nuances"--which IMO is what makes someone endearing to us. There are tons of other women out there that are all unique, each with their all nuances--get to exploring them.

It happens to the best of us, but the primary reason you're missing your ex is because you have nothing new going on/nothing promising on the dating front, and your brain is screaming that you messed up. It's coming up with a justification for why this is happening--predominantly by telling you that your ex was the best thing that has happened to you and/or installing doubt in your mind.

  1. You don't know that this is a true statement
  2. Don't listen to your brain; ignore any mental dialogue that is counterproductive to your mental health (just turn it off)

Invest your time in meeting people and being social, and don't chase relationships or people. The ones that are meant to show up in your life always do. I am a big believer in the Universe and the mantra that everything happens as it should, although it may not be on your timeframe. Focus on improving yourself and enjoying your life. Life is a blessing and not something you should take for granted/spend a majority of time thinking about things that you can't change.

You need to take action and put forth effort in creating the life you want, and it won't happen overnight, but stay consistent and strong in your effort. Keep your head up.

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Sep 8, 2019
Anon1254:

It's always rough ending relationships because you've essentially made a significant other an integral part of your life for a period of time. Mentally, you're conditioned to "expect" the continued presence of that person--even though reality may deviate from this.

What you need to do is take a step back and examine things differently. Look around you; there are hundreds of thousands/millions of people that all have their own unique thoughts, perspectives, and "universes". When you get to know someone in a relationship, naturally, you form attachments to them, and you appreciate their "nuances"--which IMO is what makes someone endearing to us. There are tons of other women out there that are all unique, each with their all nuances--get to exploring them.

It happens to the best of us, but the primary reason you're missing your ex is because you have nothing new going on/nothing promising on the dating front, and your brain is screaming that you messed up. It's coming up with a justification for why this is happening--predominantly by telling you that your ex was the best thing that has happened to you and/or installing doubt in your mind.

  1. You don't know that this is a true statement
  2. Don't listen to your brain; ignore any mental dialogue that is counterproductive to your mental health (just turn it off)

Invest your time in meeting people and being social, and don't chase relationships or people. The ones that are meant to show up in your life always do. I am a big believer in the Universe and the mantra that everything happens as it should, although it may not be on your timeframe. Focus on improving yourself and enjoying your life. Life is a blessing and not something you should take for granted/spend a majority of time thinking about things that you can't change.

You need to take action and put forth effort in creating the life you want, and it won't happen overnight, but stay consistent and strong in your effort. Keep your head up.

This - especially the last two paragraphs. OP - I am hoping that you have deleted all social media contact with the ex so that she doesn't magically pop up? Some wounds take longer than others to heal and for you to feel this way might suck but it is totally normal and ok.

Hang in there. Go out and do different stuff. Explore, be busy. Focus on you and building your social circle and your interests that you now have time for.

Good Luck

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Sep 9, 2019

Believe it or not, I broke all ties with her and blocked her everywhere. A few days ago, I was in block list of my Facebook account (for some other reason) and there she was with the new picture.

Sep 9, 2019

This comment is so underrated.

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Sep 12, 2019

double post

Sep 12, 2019

THIS! Very well said. Focus on developing your friend base and getting closer to the people already in your life.

Sep 8, 2019

1 year ? seems like a lot

you didn't even say how long you were together

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Funniest
Sep 8, 2019

go to Walmart when you need a self esteem boost.

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Sep 9, 2019

Lmao, got a good laugh out of this one +1.

On another note, you have beta soyboy written all over you. Be happy you get to have a career and spend money on yourself. Get out there and bang the noodle.

    • 1
Sep 9, 2019

Get a therapist man. They are really helpful.

Look for one through your work or school and you should be able to find which is either free (especially through school) or relatively cheap.

You can also use app's that have therapists on their portal. You can speak with them over the phone / skype etc. I used one and it helped me.

Sep 9, 2019

You didn't say if her pic was a social media post but you should know that most people who are going out of their way to post happy pics on social media (aka "bragbook") are actually sad. FYI.

Sep 9, 2019

Be with someone who wants to be with you.

That's it. That's all relationships are.
If it didn't work with that chick, guess what ?
There's literally billions of others.
Go have fun finding some and get as much strange as you can in the process.
Lawd a mercy.
Sounds like a case of one-itis.
It's easier said than done, but really once a relationship is over, you HAVE to move on.
You have to be at peace w/ the other person getting on with their life too, so that each of you can find your better match.
It really is just that simple (albeit not always easy).

    • 1
Sep 9, 2019

I Miss Her Sometimes (Poem for the Brokenhearted)

I miss her sometimes.
I ran into my old girlfriend the other day.
.
.

Then I put it in reverse and ran into her again.
.
.
.
I miss her, sometimes.

Sep 9, 2019

This asshole might the theaccountingmajor or another troll..the other day I saw a depressing post from his username: https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/i-see-some-...

What do you call an economist who forecasts? Wrong!

Sep 9, 2019

You need to realize and this is probably what you don't want to hear, you need to move on. You can't have a mindset where you think that previous ex is your world. Instead of focusing on her and her successes, focus on yourself. If you keep being sad about someone who is moving on with their life, you need to be confident and realize the goal is improve yourself. It's going to take time, I remember a girl I met 6 years ago, she moved on and doesn't care about me. Instead of me being sad and upset, she had her own goals and I realized I needed to set my own goals. Keep your head up and invest in yourself, life is too short for you to be concerned about one person who doesn't care about you.

"It's okay, I'll see you on the other side"

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Sep 10, 2019

My man, it sounds like you just need something new in your life- meeting new people, picking up new hobbies etc.
I don't think you necessarily miss your girlfriend (although you may), but it sounds like you are just feeling bad because she's made you realize you haven't taken time to enjoy yourself and enjoy your younger years.
Switch up gears. Start talking to new females, and stop being so serious about it man. I'm not saying hook up with anything that has a pulse, but it sounds like you have your guard way up. Tone it down a little, because you might write somebody off before they get to "be their selves" around you - and their real personality may be what you're looking for.
As for social media, its all bullshit. As somebody else mentioned, everybody puts their best face on, so don't let this lead you to believe you're the only miserable 'loser' with struggles; EVERYBODY has them. Best of luck to you OP, there is nothing but great advise on here.

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Sep 10, 2019

This is some of the lamest shit I have ever seen

Sep 10, 2019

That is the lamest comment I have ever seen.

Sep 11, 2019

No, it isn't. Get your shit together.

Sep 10, 2019
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Sep 12, 2019
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