I have always believed that location is one of the key determinants of one's happiness, along with health, money, and close relationships. So this study should not come as a surprise. For single men, location may be even more important, as the city plays an important role in one's dating prospects and probability of success.
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I feel sorry for the author of the article. It sounds like she truly loved living in LA and her husband forced her to move to somewhere completely different. Tough compromise happens in relationships but the article reads like she will never truly get over it. Trouble ahead!
Location in order of importance: Family (schools, safety, enrichment) > Single Men > Married Couple > Single Women
For me, living in the city makes sense for business. But for health and personal lifestyle preference, I'd like to live in a moderately remote place in the mountains, forest, or on a farm. Living in the city now, but I'd like to make that happen in the next 5-10 years. Sucks when business and health goals are at odds. Which is most of the time.
I’m in the exact same camp. Want to make enough money to live in a very rural area and raise my future children on a ranch away from all the cancerous shit of big cities and society at large.
Yeah man. You get it. Living in a city reduces average lifespan by 10 years. Living near an airport docks you another 10. But having money and freedom of time is a prerequisite for a ton of healthy shit in today's world. Like, you could be a hippie and live in a commune. But that's just not who I am. I want to accomplish shit. But also, I want to be able to afford stem cell injections in a few years...
Same sort of thought of here. However, I'd say it gets a lot more tricky. Personally, I want to live somewhere rural but not backward. Especially if you've had a very interesting career in many different major cities, it is hard to settle in a place where 99% of the population has never left a 30 square mile area.
For sure location and happiness are correlated and I have lot's of friend who are also on the 'living outside of a big city' bandwagon but honestly it really depends how you live. We tend to think of cities as the monstrous jungles that are London, NYC or Hong Kong but there are plenty more cities where you can spend your 30s, 40s and 50s living happily. Sure, for finance you have to make the big city sacrifice at the start but moving to some smaller cities around the world can bring about a lot of happiness too. I like the rural area idea when it comes to retirement but whilst I'm working or raising kids...perhaps not.
Behavioral economic theory uses a term called the hedonic treadmill. It's basically the idea that some decisions in our life are made with the attempt to increase happiness, but once achieved our reference point adjusts and our new house/car/job, etc doesn't make us any happier than before. They found there are only three main things that are immune to this hedonic treadmill affect. 1. Commute time to work. 2. Quality time with family/friends. 3. Exercising.
Food for thought.
That's really interesting - can you point us to any more reading material? I've heard of the hedonic treadmill but not the three things that are immune.
I just finished reading "Thinking Fast and Slow" and it discusses this exact concept. Once you adjust to your new location, you only realize you're happy when you think about it and compare it to other options. Otherwise, other aspects of your life take over.
The author also points out that you will give way too much weight to factors that you think will make you happy but that actually won't. A couple of his examples: 1) how often do you derive happiness from a nice car? (only when you actively think about it, which doesn't even happen most of the time when you drive it). 2) people living in cold climates think living in California would increase happiness, but it doesn't. 3) Happiness peaks around your wedding, but as the situation becomes normal again, it basically returns to where you were before on a satisfaction scale.
This is discussed in the very last chapter (38), but I recommend the entire book.
This is generally true, but it's important to practice gratefulness and mindfulness and to constantly zoom out and look at the big picture. And you can keep this at bay mostly if you practice this. I try to think of 3 things/people/whatever I'm grateful for every day before I even take off my eyemask and remove earplugs. And I try not to use the same thing more than once a week.
Do you apply a cold compress to your face in the morning in case there's any puffiness around the eyes?
No. Puffiness in the face would be indicative of systemic inflammation and applying cold topically wouldn't make much sense. I do take a cold shower daily and do contrast freezing showers with the steam room sometimes.
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If you enjoyed "Thinking Fast and Slow," you should look into reading "The Undoing Project." Deals with many of the same topics Kahneman discusses.
"Desire hath no rest, is infinite in itself, endless, and as one calls it, a perpetual rack, or horse-mill."
-St. Augustine
If it's that real for you then just move back to Chicago/ NY. You have a great pedigree, I'm sure finding a solid job won't be that hard... you know... unless you're a prestige whore gunning exclusively for PJT RX, or something similar.
Author sums it up well at the end, surround yourself with loved ones and good people and happiness will come. Whether you're in DC or LA.
Those three things are very true.
Lol couldn't disagree more. Most major cities are essentially the same - Bars, restaurants, clubs, and work. Sure the weather is a bit different but we as humans are HIGHLY adaptable and about 2 weeks you forget about the old city.
Our generations is just a bit soft and entitled to be honeset. My parents moved often and made it work. Fewer and fewer millealials are moving and I see several people ruining their career to stay in 2nd-3rd tier cities near "family and friends ". To each their own but it's laughable to me. You can always move back in 3 years to the old location. Nothing is permanent.
Man up and grow a pair and try something new. Momma can't tuck you in every night (not to be disrespectful but it's true). We are rich spoiled and so soft as millealials. During my mba I had friends who only recruited in one city. Guess what they struck out and have a job that pays poorly now... all in service of loyalty to a silly town. Fear of the unknown sinks many careers...
This is true up to a point. Once you've lived a bunch of different places (and I mean actually tried to fit in and plant roots as opposed to living an expat lifestyle or just hanging out with people from whatever town you grew up in) it starts to stretch you thin. I've already lived 4 fairly distinct places and it gets really hard keeping up with what were once really good friends or even being able to visit those places regularly.
And as I'm saying this there are another city or two I really want to add to the list, and they don't really fit into my career trajectory which is a conundrum in of itself.
This, especially "and it gets really hard keeping up with what were once really good friends or even being able to visit those places regularly." I grew up in Illinois and have worked/lived in Dallas, Houston, and now NYC. I love NYC, but miss my friends in Texas and Illinois, my parents are getting older, etc. I've been very fortunate to have traveled to former home cities for work quite often. I'm still riding it out because high finance is so NYC-centric, but yes, it can be difficult at times.
I'm in no hurry to leave NYC. If I do, I'll probably go back to Texas.
I respectfully disagree. I have lived in several major cities and am significantly less happier now than before, even though I'm working at a FAANG tech firm and making more money.
For single men, NYC is truly unique. It is the only U.S. city that possesses all of the following characteristics:
If we were comparing say Atlanta to Charlotte, then yeah, the difference isn't that big. But NYC and to a lesser extent Chicago, stand alone at the top of U.S. cities. They are like Newton and Einstein, towering over the others and are truly unique.
You mention a lot of good points but there are several counterpoints which make it not great for single men: 1) The weather really impacts people's moods. I know that many will disagree with me, and there may even be studies on this I'm not aware of, but I would guess that during certain parts of the year it is harder to date in cold cities just because of logistics coupled with people being in foul moods.
2) In a city like NYC, yes, you do meet a lot more people, but I think that it increases the likelihood of FOMO. So if you really are trying to date someone seriously, there's a lot more temptation and a cultural aversion to settling down which may make some people pass up on a truly great partner for the thrill of 'the chase'. This obviously applies more-so to people in the late 20's+ crowd.
3) Sort of related, it is also such an effort to actually plan anything/execute on plans in NYC. Even though the distance is not that great to certain places within Manhattan, the weekends I've been there visiting friends it seems like we spend 50% of time just figuring out what we actually want to do instead of just doing it. I imagine that this cuts into downtime and time that could be spent out meeting people. Not that this doesn't happen in other cities, but I think it's more pronounced in NYC from observation and from what my friends have said.
Anyways, to summarize, I get your points and generally agree, but I don't know if the added stress (at least from my perspective) that comes with living in NYC is justified by the dating situation alone. In a lot of cases I think that the dropoff to a select few other places is not all that pronounced and the quality of life/stress level is a lot lower. But again, to each their own!
Sounds like you are frustrated with the dating scene in your city and not the city itself. Be optimistic the older and wealthier you get the more options you'll have.
If you don't know much to attract quality girls then work on that weakness and don't blame the city. Be optimistic there are hot girls everywhere. Dating apps are not good, meet people in real life.
It's not just the dating scene. There are multiple other reasons such as the city's lack of diversity, people, restaurant and nightlife scene, culture, etc.
I disagree with the nuances of this thread.
It's not the location that brings happiness, but the constant CHANGE of location (that brings happiness).
Humans, despite our attempts to fool ourselves, are still wired as nomadic hunter gatherers. To travel / live in new places is natures way of an oak tree dropping acorns for the squirrel to spread (the seeds).
I've lived in over 20 countries in the past 4 years. My biggest fear is that (maybe soon) I will have to actually settle down in 1 city for 1+ year. It'll be the worst experience of my life, since I am so used to a semi-nomadic way of life.
That's what traveling is for. But constantly moving (aside from it being a pain in the ass) would suck because you don't get to establish a strong social network in any city.
What do you do that allows (requires?) you to travel so frequently?
Wouldn't actually mind staying where I am for the rest of my life. I agree that a change of scenery is good, and I would jump at the chance to work in another city/country for a brief period of time. However, I would always get the longing feeling of returning to where I am currently located.
If you don't mind me asking, where are you currently located?
One of Seattle/SF
NYC
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