NYTimes - What Is It About 20-Somethings?

Things have changed. I think following are the few factors playing big part in procrastinating marriage:-

1) These days many people are in debt in their early 20s because of undergrad education and like to payoff before they start their married life. 2) Once they are done with this loan, they start preparing for MBA and hence additional loans. More or less, MBA is a norm in the industry if you want to move forward. 3) People working in financial firms make decent money in their 20s and spend money on booze, girls etc and hence do not want to tie down with one girl so early. 4) Focus is on career in 20s and do not want to distract their focus by marriage or commitment in general.

My take:

1. A) You can't get a job because middle-skilled jobs are disappearing. Everyone out of college wants a job that requires few skills but intelligence and a willigness to learn. However, there is increasing stratification in the labor market. You either have experience and a specialized skill set, or you don't, and the job landscape is increasing becoming a binary landscape such as this.

B) Because you can't get a job you live at home.

C) Because you live at home you can't get girls. You're singled because of your lifestyle.

OR

2) You have a job (there any middle-skilled ones, so it's a high skilled one). It's a high skilled job, so you make a lot of money. You party hard, go out late, travel, and hook-up - living the life. You don't want to be tied down when you're living this lifestyle. You're single because of your lifestyle.

Great topic Mezz. Like the posters before, I think there is a number of factors that play apart in the departure from the "traditional course".

One is the internet has had a huge impact on people's lives, in more ways then most people even give thought too. What does this have to do with relationships? Well, growing up you would only know what was common place in the place you grew up, the place you vacationed, and the place you went to college. Now, the internet provides everybody a greater exposure to what the world is doing. Before people always felt pressured to follow a certain path because there was a local standard that they were held to and like Mezz's mom did, you would be compared to that standard and if you deviated significantly from it then you were a weirdo of some sort. Now you can come to places like WSO and see that you aren't alone and that there are many other people treading down the same path you've decided to take and, despite what your mom says, you know you aren't the only 20 something not married yet. Additionally, the internet has brought to the world an "appreciation" for uniqueness (whether good or bad). So before, when you would have felt pressured to find a wife so you could be normal, you now realize that, throughs the powers of the inters nets, that you don't have to conform, etc.

I know for me personally, I doubt I will be married for a significant amount of time, which means more being that I am 27 (and a half, lol) already. I got into the game late due to my stint in the Army so I am 4 years behind the curve. I have 1.5 to 2.5 years left in this position before either going to Bschool or to another 2 year position, then on to Bschool. I don't know where I could possibly get a job and I don't know where I could possibly go to Bschool, so it would be irresponsible (in some sense) to get involved and have to either drag the person I loved through the hell that is the aforementioned path or be crazy to want to try and make a relationship work its way through that whole mess.

And that is not to say I would pass up the woman of my dreams because I didn't want to hassle with all that, but, having been in a long term relationship before (nearly 4 years...ah, no, not in high school either) and knowing what I would have done to make things work, I realize that sometimes hope is not going to get you through...so sometimes not putting yourself in that situation again is the best thing to do. I was trying to do finance, she was in med school...we would both had to go our separate directions, me to ATL, CLT or NYC and her...who knows. Turns out she is in DC for a year, then back to FL for 4 years before she is done with all of her training/residency. Maybe I eventually end up back and FL and we work things out, maybe I end up in NYC and never see her again...who knows. It is hard to make a commitment to someone when both are "young" and building careers, especially if the other isn't willing to give up on their dreams just to be with you. The catch 22 is, if you care about the person you can't ask them to do that and you certainly can't expect them to.

At any rate, I feel bad for my parents but am happy they have plenty of other children because it will likely be a long time before they have grand kids from me.

Also, I think being sexually promiscuous has become more acceptable, so there aren't likely to be actual relationships between 2 people that are smooshing. Thus not likely to be anything romantic going on and not likely to development into something long term like marriage.

The student debt and the increasing "need"...probably more like perception...to obtain further degrees and higher-higher education delays the whole process.

Truthfully, I think that delaying everything can actually be good for out society. In theory, people will be older, wiser, more financially stable and less likely to make a 'mistake' that they can't take care of like they should. I didn't read the article due to time constraints, but I think the negative view the article excerpt casts is silly. It seems to me that more people are delaying the process because they are making a mature, rational decision to do so, not because they are trying to avoid becoming adults.

Regards

I actually thought about writing a post about that very article, but I thought you guys might think I was dogging you.

You guys really have a pathetic generation, but like I've said before, it's your parents' fault, not yours (basically, my generation). We've made you soft. If more parents would have the courage to jerk the rug out from under their kids at 18 (and only help to fund college studies if the child is truly exceptional), the phenomenon the millenial generation is experiencing now would have never happened.

Yes, many of you would be working at McDonald's and living 6 to an apartment for awhile, but you'd work hard and appreciate what you managed to scratch out of this life. Instead, you're a generation of professional students, for the most part.