Overcoming Inferiority Complex
I am 19, a student and have an insane inferiority complex.. I always feel as if I am behind in some way, that I don't "look" the part, or that I can never achieve X because (insert bs reason here), etc. Basically a bunch of bull shit that I keep feeding myself for idk what reason. Has anyone ever experienced this early on in their careers? I am not an underachiever in any way. I am actually pretty proud of where I am in my life but I have this constant fear of peaking and falling behind. How do I get over this?
Use your peaking fear as a means of motivating yourself. That's a perfectly valid fear BTW. A lot of people stop learning in life and that's when they stagnate. :)
Confidence is what you're lacking. Confidence comes from experience. Not being "good enough" is generally just an insecurity founded in lack of experience. You're young and literally don't know if you're good enough to do X. Two major ways to view this:
Always comparing to the future . You're A and you want to get to B. B is a construct (like the horizon) and is continuously moving. So you never get there. You get a lot of places and you achieve a lot of things, just never to the construct so you're not happy with your progress.
Comparing the present to your past. You're at A and you were at B. These are real points because you were or are at a place in time. Look at the progress you made. Look at all the accomplishments. (I was in HS. I made it to a good college. I'm getting good grades. I joined interesting clubs. I've grown. I've expanded my horizons dramatically. I'm more comfortable speaking with adults and networking, etc). These are all things to celebrate.
You'll likely get to the same place but you'll enjoy the ride A LOT more if you allow yourself to acknowledge and celebrate achievement along the way.
Use the future (point B) as a goal. Figure out the steps along the way and celebrate each time your reach one. Each time you get to the next step you'll have more experience. Experience breeds confidence.
Thanks for the reply. You definitely make a good point. I often downplay some of my achievements and it might be having a negative affect on me.
Wise words... esp. with the horizon construct analogy
Have you tried not being a SOYBOY BETA CUCK?
Lol far from it.
chill dude
The advice from rickle is spot on.
Also, use that feeling to be productive. Listen to successful people speak (YouTube is a beautiful thing). You'll find many are driven by the fear of failure. I constantly write lists of what I don't know within my field and its just a check list of stuff to learn. Constantly read, practice excel modeling if thats where you feel weak, and keep meeting people.
Looking back, the way I built my self confidence is the following:
Accept that you are born alone and die alone. You are responsible for your own happiness. No matter what happens in this world, you are born and designed to overcome adversity. It is not the sign of being overly optimistic, it is just the way it is. Whatever problems you have - it is created by the mind or by the people - then there must be a way around it.
Follow through your decisions. Unless a) it was clearly a badly planned decision, or b) it will create more harm than good for you in the long run - always follow through your decisions. I think that is how character is being built and that is how you gain self confidence in life. If what you are doing clearly do not violate point a and b, then follow through all the way.
Break big goals into chew-able small pieces. If you goal is to get a job in private equity, instead of going over 0/1 binomial approach - you get it you are great or you don't get it you are a failure, break things down into smaller pieces. For example, list down all the smaller pieces to get to your bigger goal. In this case, 1) networking > 1.1. make a list of people to call > 1.1.1 draft intro email + 1.1.2 follow up, 2) learn technical materials > 2.1. buy WSO PE Package > 2.2. find time to study the material > 2.3. find mentor to explain you technical stuffs. And when you finish doing all those smaller tasks, the bigger goal will eventually take care of itself.
Hope this helps.
Great advice - truly appreciate it!
Well that got dark in a hurry
Always be as prepared as you can be for whatever task/conversation/presentation. If you know your shit inside and out you will be much more confident in your delivery and answering questions.
good advice in here above
I would recommend reading/studying psychology as well, especially books about cognitive behavioral therapy if you have the time for it. Learning how your mind works, and becoming more conscious of your thoughts/reactions to different situations is useful for overcoming issues and making you a better, more self aware, person
Theres this technique I use called manning the fuck up.
I sense some inferiority complex in you.
That isn't the problem. This post isn't about overcoming some huge burden that's mostly due to being soft. It's more about overcoming dumb thoughts in the back of my mind that are subconsciously affecting my decisions. Posted it here because I wouldn't be surprised if other people have had similar phases in their careers which they had to overcome in some way.
Yes, we all have these thoughts but then, at the end of the day we man the fuck up because fixating on shit that can't be controlled isn't productive.
Vote Donald Trump -->> inferiority complex gone.
Geez, guys... what's with the high snark factor here, can't a young person ask for insight or guidance without so many of throwing the cuck-fag-loser-beta phrasing around?
rickle and Naoki and several others offered some really sharp perspectives and suggestions.
OP, part of life is feeling clueless and don't let anyone try and tell you otherwise - how else would you be able to compare and see the improvements/advancements/corrections/differences you've made to yourself and your skill sets over time?
You're going to experience countless situations [work, life, play, sex, politics, health, sports, cooking, fitness, travel, etc] where you aren't going to feel 100% confident about your abilities. But you are [god willing] going to continually learn and continually improve your game in each facet and topic.
Learn as much as you can, prepare as best you can, there's no single trick or tip that will magically reduce or rid you of your feelings of inferiority, but over time and with each experience, you will gain confidence and self-assuredness,
Good luck.
Your inferiority complex is either due to:
a) An irrational defense mechanism in your psyche, acquired at a younger age, likely due to some sort of trauma (whether small and sustained or instantaneous and brutal, or some admixture thereof), or
b) A rational understanding of your place in your society.
Either way I can't help you. My only suggestion would be i) never take what psychiatrists are pushing you (but feel free to use them as you see fit for your own benefit) ii) Turn your neurotic disadvantages into advantages for others by pushing yourself to becoming extremely successful such that your (future) family will benefit significantly from the pain of your miserable internal existence as an inferior human being who constantly strives to out-due himself and others because of his lack of person-hood. iii) Stop watching television and never drink tap-water again - as an aside I would recommend reading (or listening via audio book to) Seneca's "On the Shortness of Life" and also "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius.
Thank you both TheStory and InfoDominatrix for the advice - I will definitely look into the reads. Also, thank you to all the helpful contributors on this thread. Some great advice on here that I hope others will benefit from as well.
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