Should a student in college ever be lending his parents money?

Kinda feel embarrassed. Have been lending my parents thousands for basic stuff. College doesn't cost me a dime, and I have a part time job. Have you lent your parents money as someone who isn't even out of college? They are also super religious, and are on top of me to do prayers and all that junk. Last time I checked actions got shit done, not hope.

Comments (38)

Best Response
Feb 22, 2018

Your parents sound like toxic influences if they're constantly asking you for shit and passively guilt tripping you. Cut 'em off before they start asking for more and more and more and more.

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Feb 22, 2018

See man here's the thing. They are amazing people with humble roots, and have raised me right. The problem is they hit a very bad divorce to the point where there is money grabbing (I wonder who's doing that?), and it's starting to trickle down. I pretty much have no social life or anything right now, just want to transfer schools and gtfo asap.

Feb 22, 2018

Yeah I'm probably projecting a bit. A lotta times I think it's easy to let your parents get away with stuff because they're your parents, so they're literally your learned moral compass and anything they do seems justified. Sometimes ya gotta look at it objectively and recognize that certain things just aren't appropriate though. That's kinda the route I take and I think it's better for the relationship in the long run.

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Feb 22, 2018

If you can afford it (ie, you're not in debt and grades don't suffer from working extra hours) then it's not a bad thing. I don't think your ever obligated to do it, especially as a student. But if they genuinely need the help and can't earn their own dough then it makes sense.

A person who is generous, nice, and smart is like a unicorn in finance. Just make sure you've got a nest egg of ~5k or so for post graduation expenses like moving and settling into a new city. My parents came from blue collar backgrounds, they had to help family a lot when they were young. The key is help, not enable.

Feb 22, 2018

Well, my plan is to transfer to a good school either next year or the year after. I feel like stuff like this popping up is just going to really ruin it for me down the line you know?

Feb 22, 2018

Just saw your comment about the divorce. Maybe if you want to help, pay the bills directly dont give money outright. But this is complex. You probably should focus on you. They will figure it out one way or another. Tell them you don't have the money, because you really don't. Working all those extra hours is taxing on you right now, and also jeopardizing your future.

Feb 22, 2018

Just don't consider it a loan. If family and close friends ask for money (for legitimate reasons, not for gambling and booze, but food, etc.), yeah, help them out. Nothing wrong with that. I know from personal experience that you'll never see the money again, so don't think of it as a loan and you'll feel better about it.

With that said, create an actual, like, one page loan agreement. After a year or so, forgive the entire balance. If you realize a total loss on a loan you can write off the entire amount on your taxes.

Feb 23, 2018

It's not really about the money quite honestly, I can afford it. It's just that I'm going to incur a lot of debt if I transfer to a better uni so I'm just hoping stuff like this throws my plan off.

Feb 22, 2018

Was in a similar situation a few years back. I cut them off. They then turned to my little sister who just graduated hs for cash. She finally cut them off too a few months ago. They're adults, they can swim on their own. I don't mind helping people, but there's a difference between helping and enabling bad habits. If your parents are willing to listen (mine weren't) sit them down and walk them through their budget and show them where they can make improvements so they can stand on their own. This may mean you continue to help them, but only for a while, not forever. It's totally fair to say that you have your own financial priorities, and you cannot afford to keep giving so much. Then set a cut off date, and help guide them through until that date ends. But you HAVE to stand firm when that date comes

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Feb 23, 2018

I didn't think 'super religious' people got divorced. What religion are they?

Instead of giving them money, tell them you'll do one better for them.....you'll pray for it.

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Feb 23, 2018
DickFuld:

I didn't think 'super religious' people got divorced. What religion are they?

Instead of giving them money, tell them you'll do one better for them.....you'll pray for it.

As of a few years ago, divorce rates were higher among self identified evangelicals than people who aren't religious. My assumption is likely due to the race to get married at such a young age so you don't have to feel guilty about sex, but that's just speculation.

https://www.baylor.edu/mediacommunications/news.ph...

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Feb 23, 2018

Also, if you know as many evangelicals as I do, you would know that 90% of them are the world's biggest hypocrites and completely full of shit. Guess why Trump got so many votes from them - technically, he shouldn't have gotten a single vote in the primaries from them based on what evangelicals are supposed to stand for.

I've always found that the most truly religious people are those somewhere in between the agnostic and the self-proclaimed born again evangelical. People in the middle, have a firm enough belief in God, but do not pretend to be the holiest or best people to ever walk Earth either, a characteristic which fits in well with the humility which Christianity teaches.

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Feb 23, 2018
AllDay_028:
DickFuld:

I didn't think 'super religious' people got divorced. What religion are they?

Instead of giving them money, tell them you'll do one better for them.....you'll pray for it.

As of a few years ago, divorce rates were higher among self identified evangelicals than people who aren't religious. My assumption is likely due to the race to get married at such a young age so you don't have to feel guilty about sex, but that's just speculation.

https://www.baylor.edu/mediacommunications/news.ph...

I grew up in an evangelical Christian church, and while I no longer consider myself a Christian (let alone an evangelical), the core of my friendships remain evangelical Christian. I know a TON of divorced evangelicals, but almost every divorce I'm aware of pre-dated their conversion to Christianity (in fact, in many cases those divorces prompted spiritual searches). I'm the product of one of those divorces. My dad got divorced, met and married my mother and converted and never got divorced.

So it goes back to the core statistical principle--correlation does not necessarily equal causation.

Feb 23, 2018

This is exactly what I was thinking on both counts. +1. Would have given +10, but site doesn't allow it.

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Feb 23, 2018

Thank you Mr. Fuld.

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Feb 23, 2018

Should've left the religion part out :/

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Feb 23, 2018
Pump And Dump:

Should've left the religion part out :/

Yah, people love to talk shit about religious believers. It makes them feel good. It's like you used to pick on gays that way, now you pick on those of faith. What would people do if there's no one to bully?

Feb 24, 2018

Well yes, but also this (only a minute and a half):

Feb 23, 2018
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