Successful Social Climbers and their jealous families who remain in poverty--A Snapshot of my friend's story

Rashers's picture
Rank: Orangutan | 333

You break into a high rolling career from a low class background. How do you deal with those family members left behind? This is my friend's story on the feeling for the left behind family members and their interactions with her. This question was from another WSO post on visiting parents still in poverty.

"Don't find it particularly embarrassing because that level of contempt is not worth the effort. Harsh, yes, but they're just as greedy as any other humans, and had the option to choose how they live. Everyone made the decision to remain where they are, stasis. What's a little disappointing is seeing those that surround them reinforce this behavior and way of living. So it doesn't particularly strike them that something is off with their low living.

A close friend in a similar situation once commented she often feels like she was born into the wrong family, because all her relatives and grandparents are very, very well endowed, but her father happened to be the weirdo black-sheep who married a working class girl that brought all kinds of lowly influences that constrained and sucked all ambitions of maintaining dignity of his past; partly through her pathological following of religion, and a diabolic hatred and desire of wealth combined with a self defeating pursuit of it. This led to their half executed risk taking to achieve it and the half executed measures to leave the inevitable poverty trap they remain in due to their lack of follow through.

My friend is part of the 0.01 percent or somewhere wayy up there, achieved all through her own wills and ingenious maneuvering. She read Classics at Yale and now represents an institution where the name is just as big and important as the salary she commands. She's more comfortable around her private-jet-setting milue just as she was comfortable in her grandmother's tender arms who came from and held immense wealth, than she is around her mother, a lifelong stranger to her, who slaves away for the county government for just the right amount to keep her working but never enough for her to retire, she's well over 50. My friend's grandmother indicated to her she'd take over the family's wealth (passing over her son and daughter in law) which partially includes several acres in an emerging economy now experiencing an aggressive boom in high-end real estate development. Seems like nature chooses who should receive her fortunes.

My friend is oddly obligated, as her parents are the ones who brought her into the world and kept her alive just long enough for her to flee from the mess she found when she entered it, to visit them once in a while. A sort of human courtesy at a minimum for it would be rude not to. Dinners are an interesting fiasco. Her well trained face that never reveals what she truly feels like, if she feels anything at all, saves her from arousing embarrassment from her parents. The sad thing however, she lamented to me, is that they wouldn't even notice that there's something wrong. That their animals: they sleep, eat, work and repeat with no pretense of human dignity. No culture, besides a culture of work-work-work, bills-bills-bills, god-god-god. They're barely functioning machines who's biggest fear is not being able to function in their mind numbing work. Art is dead for them, and so is literature. The oft predictable evening news serves as entertainment; fatal car accident, robbery at the convenience store, a shooting--they never cease to elicit subdued "sympathies for the families" before getting on their knees and praying to god "for another day" to which they promise they "shall never fail to thank" for.

My friend feels nothing for them other than a responsibility to "keep in touch" and to avoid provoking jealousy from them for her achievements--she earns more in a month than both her parents do in a year."

Comments (45)

Oct 19, 2018
Rashers:

You break into a high rolling career from a low class background.

No one in a "high rolling career" comes from a low-class background.

Rashers:

A close friend in a similar situation once commented she often feels like she was born into the wrong family, because all her relatives and grandparents are very, very well endowed, but her father happened to be the weirdo black-sheep who married a working class girl.

Jesus Christ what a brat. Hows she to judge someone else's status when she hasn't earned anything in life? Classic trust funders smh.

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Oct 19, 2018

I agree. lol not sure what I just read but don't wanna read it again.

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Oct 19, 2018

Did it activate things you wish to never activate? :)

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Oct 19, 2018

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Oct 19, 2018

Your post is very well written, almost like a book. Kinda makes it hard decipher if its about an actual person or fiction (mainly bc most people on this site are like myself, we write in-between doing work, so it's not as articulate).

In regards to your topic/question, your friend shouldn't be ashamed of her family or the way they live. Most people live their lifestyle because A) its what they're use to; B) they don't want to change, or can't change (or a combination of both). It's only a problem if your family has the means to take care of themselves, but chose not to, then expect a handout.

The think to realize is, most of us will pass our parents in terms of income and education and lifestyle (that's kinda the American Dream). It's hard to constantly keep up because thinks change; even things were use to. For example, my grandmother is a great lady, shes 86 and in great health, but leads a simple life. She hasn't really kept up with the times, so shes kinda living in a world that isn't hers. Example for an example, what was on news channels when she was 30 is way different than whats on news channels now; you have to change how you interpret things, which she hasn't really done. Bottom line is, I don't chastise her this, its her life, and it doesn't really effect me and how I live.

The true apex of success is being able to support yourself doing what you want to do, but also not forgetting where you came from and what got you there.

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Oct 19, 2018
ironman32:

The think to realize is... It's hard to constantly keep up because thinks change; .

You're killing me dude.

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Oct 19, 2018
iBankedUp:
ironman32:

mainly bc most people on this site are like myself, we write in-between doing work, so it's not as articulate

You're killing me dude.

you are murdering me man

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Oct 19, 2018

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Nov 14, 2018

ok lit major, please feel free to spell "site" correctly

Oct 19, 2018

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Oct 19, 2018

Enjoyed the post, but kind of ruined your credibility in saying your friend is in the 0.001%. To be honest, I highly doubt that. To be in the top 0.01% the average annual income for that group is $35.1 million and to be in the top 0.001% you'd have to be making about $152 million a year, which is absurd. Congrats if she is/if she's rich, but don't know why you'd exaggerate on that & if you did assuming this entire post isn't really 100% truthful.

Source: https://www.cbsnews.com/news/how-much-do-the-1-01-...

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Oct 19, 2018

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Oct 19, 2018

This is 100% a story about you. Not sure what the point is.

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Oct 19, 2018

What makes you say that? Did I not make clear it's about a friend? Lol

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Oct 19, 2018

Sure.

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Oct 19, 2018

Look, there have been posts like this before... I'm sure psychology can explain a lot of what's going on here intra and interpersonally, but the fact is - everyone's trying to do their best. People come from different backgrounds, endowed with different gifts, presented with different opportunities and challenges, and live in different socio, political, and economic times. The fact is, success and failure is partly due to the work of the successful or failed and largely (more than the successful would admit, less than the failed would admit) due to circumstances and chance. You can't judge someone until you walk in their shoes. Most people are doing their best. Most people just want to be loved by their family and are hoping they're enough. Most people are filled with insecurities and have different ways of dealing with that (e.g. religion). There doesn't need to be understanding, just acceptance. Life's over before you know it.

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Oct 19, 2018

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Oct 19, 2018

I see these posts a lot but I kinda hate people who shun their families for not being driven or rich. It's kind of like what that Michigan dickhead said a few months ago. At the end of the day, we work so hard reaching for something we barely comprehend, something we cannot physically hold. Something intangible. The only thing we really can see firsthand is the connections between people that result from our actions. Your friend sounds like she built her life off of hating her parents and proving to those around her how she is different from them.

She still totally cares about her parents and seems to almost feed off of the dream that they will have this world shattering realization that their daughter is better than them, and express their hate for her--thus proving her right and letting her sleep knowing that her parents really are trash. She seems to be driven by the fact that her parents don't hate her and aren't aware of how much money she has. It doesn't sound like they were awful parents to her and did nothing to actually hurt her. It seems like they were complacent and did what they though was right in their efforts to raise a child, without knowing the disgust that their kid had for them. You say that the wants to avoid provoking jealousy, but I feel like jealousy and some dramatic outburst just so she can be right.

Or I could be wrong about this.

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Oct 19, 2018

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Oct 19, 2018

She changed her family name? Damn thats really intense. I feel like that is almost an insult to her parents rather than some change for her own benefit.

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Oct 19, 2018

It's very weird of you to share the intimate details of your friend's personal life on a financial forum.

"Work ethic, work ethic" - Vince Vaughn
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Oct 19, 2018

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Nov 14, 2018

Can't figure out if I don't understand this because of how sleep deprived I am...

Nov 14, 2018

Yep skim read this after a full on day at work and don't know what the fuck is going

Nov 14, 2018

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Nov 14, 2018

ok definitely a troll

Nov 14, 2018

Whenever I read stories of wealthy children who murdered their parents b/c they cut their allowance, I always wonder, who is depraved enough to do something like this? Then I read this garbage and it's clear; some people are truly emotionless sociopaths.

"had the option to choose how they live"

Also, this sentiment couldn't be more wrong.

Nov 14, 2018

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Nov 14, 2018
Rashers:

My friend feels nothing for them other than a responsibility to "keep in touch" and to avoid provoking jealousy from them for her achievements--she earns more in a month than both her parents do in a year."

Those family dinners would probably be more enjoyable if your friend wasn't such an arrogant cunt.

Nov 14, 2018

Ding ding ding. I have crazy religious zealot family members that I avoid at all costs. However, when my immediate family visits and we visitthem I just shut my mouth and endure.

Nov 14, 2018

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Most Helpful
Nov 14, 2018

Can we prevent people under the age of 21 from posting anything other than questions?

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Nov 14, 2018

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Nov 14, 2018

Weird flex but ok...

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Nov 14, 2018
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