The worst place for relationship advice

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For some incredibly intelligent people with nuanced views on global events and who can speak to so many of the pressing social and political issues such as the importance of dashes in emails, man, relationship advice on here is a dumpster fire.

I think one common misconception that I'd like to quickly correct is that women are a lot smarter than you think. We're not all gold diggers whose relationship checklist is abs and a credit card (and hopefully that's not what you want either), so when you job interferes with a relationship, you have no time to develop a relationship, or you distance yourself emotionally and go back to your place when times get tough, those things are noticed.

I promise you, your wife/girlfriend/girl you're talking to is logical in her own twisted way and these things will be factored on how we think of you. The dating scene is a market, and imo it's perhaps one of the more sophisticated ones. It's not that easy to pull a fast one on us, if you're 35/40 and unmarried (which is totally cool) there's definitely is a reason for it (career, too much travelling, you're a weirdo) and some/most/all of it won't be made up for the fact that you have a good job, or a good body, or have money.

I'm not trying to say that women should be looked to in awe, or your relationship should be the upmost priority in life. But please, just acknowledge we have a brain. Have fun selling one bedroom condos in new jersey, cause that's exactly the vibe some of you guys put out. Happy Friday :)

Comments (30)

 
  • Prospect in IB - Gen
Aug 7, 2020 - 5:05pm

I’m planning to be 40 and unmarried because.... I don’t want to get married. That’s the reason.

What’s past is past and can’t be undone. It has led to the circumstances we now face. All we can do is recognize our circumstances for what they are and make the best decisions we can, “given the givens."  - Howard Marks

 
Funniest
Aug 7, 2020 - 5:11pm

Intern in IB - Ind:

For some incredibly intelligent people with nuanced views on global events and who can speak to so many of the pressing social and political issues such as the importance of dashes in emails, man, relationship advice on here is a dumpster fire.

I'm not here to write a dissertation but I think one common misconception that I'd like to quickly correct is that women are a lot smarter than you think. We're not all gold diggers whose relationship checklist is abs and a credit card (and hopefully that's not what you want either), so when you job interferes with a relationship, you have no time to develop a relationship, or you distance yourself emotionally and go back to your place when times get tough, those things are noticed.

I promise you, your wife/girlfriend/girl you're talking to is logical in her own twisted way and these things will be factored on how we think of you. The dating scene is a market, and imo it's perhaps one of the more sophisticated ones. It's not that easy to pull a fast one on us, if you're 35/40 and unmarried (which is totally cool) there's definitely is a reason for it (career, too much travelling, you're a weirdo) and some/most/all of it won't be made up for the fact that you have a good job, or a good body, or have money.

I'm not trying to say that women should be looked to in awe, or your relationship should be the upmost priority in life. But please, just acknowledge we have a brain. Have fun selling one bedroom condos in new jersey, cause that's exactly the vibe some of you guys put out. Happy Friday :)

so you're basically 21F and you know relationships?

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

 
  • Intern in IB - Ind
Aug 7, 2020 - 5:25pm

I've never said that. I'm pointing out that relationship advice on wso is generally terrible because theres zero credit given to how your partner will perceive some of the advice on these forums

Array
 
Aug 7, 2020 - 5:14pm

Intern in IB - Ind:
It's not that easy to pull a fast one on us, if you're 35/40 and unmarried (which is totally cool) there's definitely is a reason for it (career, too much travelling, you're a weirdo) and some/most/all of it won't be made up for the fact that you have a good job, or a good body, or have money.

I think guys can pull all kinds of chicks at 35-45 if they keep in shape. Unfortunately, it is not the same for girls. Also the fertile age of a woman is an important factor for a guy. But, the guy's sperm can be like Strom Thurmond and still going well in their 80s.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

 
  • Intern in IB - Ind
Aug 7, 2020 - 5:28pm

I would agree with you, however, pulling a girl and having a relationship that might be considered serious are separate things

Array
 
Aug 7, 2020 - 5:28pm

Intern in IB - Ind:

We're not all gold diggers whose relationship checklist is abs and a credit card (and hopefully that's not what you want either), so when you job interferes with a relationship, you have no time to develop a relationship, or you distance yourself emotionally and go back to your place when times get tough, those things are noticed.

The people who think women are after their money are the people who lead with their looks and their money. If the way of attracting and interacting with women involves conspicuous consumption, men will meet women who are interested in their money and nothing more.

You aren't wrong to criticize that, but you're fighting a losing battle. You're just not talking on the same wavelength.

It also doesn't help that a third of this site seems to be teenagers and college students dreaming about some kind of baller lifestyle and who have the typical fantasies of losers who live in their parent's basement, dreaming about what it's like to be some rich Chad who pulls 10s every night because of their six figure job and six pack.

 
Aug 7, 2020 - 6:53pm

There's a ton of terrible relationship advice out there. Some of it's because people are idiots, but I think a lot of the advice would be good in one context but is bad in others.

One guy I know, older, dated forever before finally getting married at a later age. He dated some great girls whom he probably could have been happy with, but he was too afraid of making a mistake and couldn't pull the trigger. Paralysis by analysis.

Another I know has jumped into a series of train-wreck relationships, causing all kinds of problems and making his family and friends miserable with worry. All because he acts on momentary instinct and never bothers to think things through.

If you said as general advice "don't overthink it- you've just gotta take the leap", that would be great advice for the first guy but a disaster for the second. People are different.

Now factor in different moral frameworks along with the personality differences, and both of those for each of the people in the relationship, and so much advice is going to be way off the mark.

A lot of people feel really strongly that "what happens is X..." because that's what happened to them. Not sure why that is. Maybe they feel their experiences are more meaningful if they're shared by others. Whatever the reason, it produces a lot of garbage advice.

 
Aug 7, 2020 - 7:29pm

If you havne't been on this forum long enough, you'll come to realize a majority of the comments you're referring to are trolls and just done for a laugh. If people acted how they do in real life as they do on an anonymous finance forum...then lmfao

 
Most Helpful
Aug 7, 2020 - 9:36pm

Women are the masters of self-deceit. Tomi Lahren's now-famous recent rant about men included the advisory that women don't need their men to be tall, handsome, rich, athletic or successful, while a 2 second Google search shows that she was recently engaged to a tall, handsome, rich, athletic and successful man. Women SAY they want one thing, but attraction isn't a choice. You SAY that people on this forum over emphasize looks/money, but that's exactly what women prioritize in men. Women SAY they want a "nice" guy but most women aren't attracted to nice men. My dad was a complete jackass and he married a woman (my mother) half his age when he was in his 50s. That's the way of the world.

As bizarre as this sounds, the worst thing a man can do is listen to women when it comes to advice about women and relationships. Women are self-deceivers. I'm not calling women liars; I'm saying their conscious minds want one thing but their lizard brain wants something entirely different. That's millions of years of primate evolution that modern trends can't overcome.

Array
 
Aug 7, 2020 - 11:46pm

Disagree. I don't think anyone said attraction isn't important? Looks certainly matter to an extent, but over time they fade and what's left is your personality and core qualities/beliefs. At the same time, looks aren't everything. There's plenty of attractive people who are jerks or maybe you're simply incompatible with. Looks and standards of beauty can also be quite subjective as well. (Many people tend to have specific "types" they find more attractive... some of the guys my friends find SO hot, I just don't see it). There's a lot more to a relationship than just looks alone, though that doesn't mean that physical attraction is insignificant.

To the point about money, men with money can be super stingy and unkind, as well. Sure, it's fair to say that that historically women married men for financial stability and support, and maybe some still do seek that out, but chasing men for their money alone isn't truly fulfilling either, if you want want an actually successful/meaningful relationship and not just social climbing. Being employed should be the bare minimum though?

Women (who actually value themselves and don't buy into the stereotype that their only worth is their beauty/body) do want genuinely nice men who put in effort and treat them like the queens that they are. Unfortunately, most self-described "nice guys" are not nearly as nice as they proclaim.

As George Carlin said, "Here's all you have to know about men and women; women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid."

 
Aug 8, 2020 - 12:01am

The only thing you've done is presented a woman's position on what's important in a partner. What I put forth was reality. Women lie to themselves all the time. When it comes to dating, looks is everything. Online dating studies have shown this to be the objective, proven truth that women compete for mostly the top 1/5 or so of men in terms of looks. Women DO NOT CARE about personality, education, intelligence, etc. in a sexual partner. It is nearly all about appearance.

In terms of dating relationships, again, studies show that women, on average, are more likely to be turned off by a partner who earns less than them. Women are biologically programmed to be attracted to men who they consider to be higher status than themselves. Studies also tend to show that men and women date people of approximately equal physical attractiveness, on average. It's all about money/status and looks. That's pretty much all it is, on average (obviously, there are exceptions).

It's cute that you have a conscious perspective about dating. It's precious. But like I said, the worst thing a man can do is take dating advice from women. Again it's not that women are liars, it's that what they want consciously is the exact opposite of what they have been programmed to desire. In other words, your opinions are worthless because your behavior almost certainly contradicts your opinions.

Array
 
Aug 8, 2020 - 11:51am

real_Skankhunt42:

Women SAY they want one thing, but attraction isn't a choice. You SAY that people on this forum over emphasize looks/money, but that's exactly what women prioritize in men

Yeah definitely psychologically true.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

 
  • Analyst 2 in RE - Comm
Aug 8, 2020 - 12:08am

I think partially anonymity brings out the worst in people. Even I just wrote a shitty response before editing it whoops

Array
 
  • Associate 2 in PE - Other
Aug 8, 2020 - 11:23am

If someone is posting relationship advice on WSO, then they probs don't know shit.

If someone is listing to said advice on WSO, we have a larger problem at hand.

 
Aug 8, 2020 - 4:31pm

Hello to you as well, madame.

You can certainly expect some misogyny and sexism here, but that's not really what I want to talk about. I want to address some of your points because I've recently been looking to figure out who it is that I want to date and how I can best get there. This will be a somewhat thorough analysis, so lets get started.

Intern in IB - Ind:

We're not all gold diggers whose relationship checklist is abs and a credit card (and hopefully that's not what you want either),

The fact that you're on this forum is already a signal to me that you personally are not a gold digger - you're a driven individual. To me, this means that my credit card has very little value to you. However, I have seen articles and read books that do a very good job at describing what it is that women like you specifically want - you want a male copy of yourselves that might even be better than you. Educated (degrees), intelligent (life experience and career dedication); but you also want the looks/emotional aspects of the relationship: physical attractiveness, sexual compatibility. Guys usually don't rate each other (i.e. I rarely find myself in a no homo moment where I'm like "my homie hot af"), but in simple terms that is a 10/10.

You want to know where the problem is with wanting a 10/10? It's with you - you're not a 10/10. You might be wondering how I know this. Well, I don't know this, but I'm willing to take a highly probable guess. The reason why this guess is so probable is because unlike the top 3 things you look for in a guy, those 3 things for men practically never include any non-look, non-emotional elements. If I'm making all this money, why would I date you? To have more money in our household? That's not a useful incentive for me so I wouldn't, I'd just seek out someone I lusted for (read: a Latin American Instagram model) and be done with it.

This dilemma that I just described to you is why there are so-called "matchmakers" in the field of career women. Ever seen one of those people randomly add you on LinkedIn as a guy? They're adding you because you qualify to be the boyfriend of OP right here. Most clients of these matchmakers are female, go listen to a few YouTube videos from Rebecca Lynn Pope - she worked in that industry for a decade I believe and is still in it.

Intern in IB - Ind:
when you job interferes with a relationship, you have no time to develop a relationship, or you distance yourself emotionally and go back to your place when times get tough, those things are noticed.

Unfortunately the way people deal with stress can be extremely unhealthy at times. This is just a harsh reality of the modern capitalist society - we feel the most comfortable when we are purely betting on our own ability and including other people in your obligations is something we aren't comfortable with. I had this feeling ever since I was asked to do group works in university and I saw the work ethic of other people. Obviously I don't want to promote cutting off the people around you because this is simply not worth it, but at the same time I understand the reasoning behind why people are doing so also. The only solution to this, in my eyes, is better communication and that needs to be a cornerstone of any and all relationships.

You touch on this in the next quote too:

Intern in IB - Ind:
I promise you, your wife/girlfriend/girl you're talking to is logical in her own twisted way and these things will be factored on how we think of you

Indeed, there is a tendency among men to assume that the problems we self-isolate in won't hold any bearing on the relationship. Obviously this idea is founded on feelings, not facts. I'm not here for whataboutism, but I do want to note that similar issues rattle throughout relationships. With women it got to the point that we literally know it as a stereotype, I'm referring to the "what's wrong honey, oh nothing" dialogue. So again, lack of communication is stirring up trouble.

Also, I was a bit disappointed in your conclusion. Happy Saturday :)

 
Aug 8, 2020 - 10:16pm

Intern in IB - Ind:

For some incredibly intelligent people with nuanced views on global events and who can speak to so many of the pressing social and political issues such as the importance of dashes in emails, man, relationship advice on here is a dumpster fire.

whoa. you think that highly of these people? bunch of modern-day indentured servants and horny interns

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/
 
  • Intern in IB - Ind
Aug 8, 2020 - 11:51pm

hello, this is OP. this thread kinda blew up in a way I didn't expect. Great conversation all around, I just wanted to slide in some last words.

congratulations, you've sussed me out, I'm a twentysomething girl that is in no way a relationship expert, nor am I trying to become a wife of some financier.

the point of this post was to point out (young, boobs, nice body, isn't completely dumb) == (rich dude, nice body, prestigious job, isn't completely dumb) is not a given, and it's to your own detriment that you believe that.

Your life is how you chose, and that's none of my business. go pursue your career, if you dont want kids, marriage, more power to you, go chase tail and live your best life. but when you choose to settle down, having material and physical attributes does not guarantee a partner, nor does it guarantee that you'd be a good partner. That's literally all I was trying to say. Thank you for entertaining this discussion, no one hurt me and I'll gladly go back to my kitchen

Array
 
  • Prospect in IB-M&A
Aug 9, 2020 - 8:43am

In my experience there’s two types of girls. Girls that are idiots and girls that are geniuses. If you think a girl is about as intelligent as you, she’s pulling one over on you and is actually way smarter than you lol

 
Aug 9, 2020 - 8:43am

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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