Wall Street “Clout”

So I work on Wall Street ... Some people think I got into it for the money, others assumed it was for so called prestige, and I've even had a few guess that I had the undying urge to sell my soul and sacrifice the better part of my 20's. While they're not entirely wrong, the real reason I wanted to work on Wall Street was for the girls. Boy was I wrong... Telling a girl you work on Wall Street doesn't typically lead to her tearing off her clothes on the spot. You're much more likely to receive an indifferent response followed by a series of interesting questions. I know it's not PC to call a question dumb anymore, but wow you wouldn't believe some of the replies I've received. From "oh, so do you like uh sell stocks to the Wall Street Notebook?" to "can you fix my credit rate?", it's gotten to the point that when a girl asks me what I do for a living, I lie and say I'm an Uber driver.

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Comments (32)

Funniest
Oct 16, 2019 - 11:53pm

a lot of girls have heard of jamie diamond

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

  • 52
Oct 17, 2019 - 12:25am

If you expected having a job on wall street to be the catalyst for "girls taking their clothes off on the spot" you're a dweeb. You still need to have finesse. Game. Pull. Wheels. Sauce. Drip.

The "I work on wall street" line hasn't worked since 08.

"Out the garage is how you end up in charge It's how you end up in penthouses, end up in cars, it's how you Start off a curb servin', end up a boss"
  • 7
Oct 17, 2019 - 12:29am

or a baby face, six pack, and tinder

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

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Oct 17, 2019 - 12:35am
Jamie_Diamond:

or a baby face, six pack, and tinder

Does baby face work these days? sheeit.
6 pack is a standard expectation. tinder is the easy route and doesn't count.

LeveragedFinesse you might need a name change. Maybe just @ leveraged.

"Out the garage is how you end up in charge It's how you end up in penthouses, end up in cars, it's how you Start off a curb servin', end up a boss"
  • Associate 2 in CorpDev
Oct 17, 2019 - 7:20am

I suspect OP isn't targeting the right market - you're probably meeting nice middle income girls who are more easily content with life and have their own passions. The market you should be targeting is the gold-digger one, spend some time researching their catchment areas, I.e. Specific bars they hang out at in your area, and you'll be fine.

Oct 17, 2019 - 12:35am

Why are you surprised? I'm pretty sure most people don't even know the difference between a bank teller and an investment Banker.

Dad and Mom got PHDs from elite target schools and they both thought investment banks did the same thing as Hedge Funds.

Controversial
Oct 17, 2019 - 2:52am

When I read this post I imagine the author is probably a 15 year old in a 22 year old's body who lives in Murray hill with his bros, grew up in Indiana, and works at UBS in wealth management. Spends his weekends at Hair of the Dog hitting on girls from New Jersey.

This is NY dude. Get on Hinge or whatever and find a girl on your level intellectually. Oh wait nvm..

  • Associate 2 in CorpDev
Oct 17, 2019 - 7:14am

Son, you're forgetting the 2 unconditional rules of dating:

  1. Be attractive
  2. Don't be unattractive

These rules are unconditional as they apply to EVERYONE, including bankers - I.e. Fat Bankers who don't dress well don't get any ladies

Oct 17, 2019 - 10:47am

Its basically four quadrants:

Hollywood (for good looking people)
Pro sports (for athletic people)
Washington (for ugly people)
Tech/Banking (for smart people)

The most important thing, if you're trying to get chicks, is they have to know what you do. No offense to anyone, but most people not involved in wall street only know like the Wolf of Wall Street, the Wall Street movie, and maybe they heard bitcoin once on tv (but they don't know what it is). That's why some girls would be all over a guy in the NBA making league minimum (not that its shabby) vs a making way more on Wall Street but they don't know what he does.

Really just comes down to a lot of people don't understand all the ways to make money. For example, I saw an article yesterday somewhere titled "expensive vacations only celebs can afford", kind apoints to ppl think you're ether in movies or pro sports, or you're poor.

Oct 17, 2019 - 11:29am

Its all about how you sell it bro. Like I do compliance consulting for alternative asset managers lol nothing cool, and nothing ground breaking. Stop trying to impress girls with your job theres thousands of guys who work in banking/tech/MC etc, who make way more money than you.

Just be interesting and spin it into something about them, or interesting. 99% people want to talk about themselves.

Oct 17, 2019 - 12:47pm

The key to impressing someone is to compare your job to something in their life they can relate to. My favorite soundbite that always tends to impress people is "I do VC. Think Shark Tank without the TV show" OR "I invest in consumer stuff so I try clothes and sample food for a living"

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  • 2
Oct 17, 2019 - 3:29pm

I dont work on wallstreet but damn haha thats sad bro. When girls ask what I do I say "Don't worry it's not interesting" and refocus the convo on how they probably like getting spanked.

“The only thing I know is that I know nothing, and i am no quite sure that i know that.” Socrates
  • 14
Oct 17, 2019 - 5:21pm
Bayoumonkey:

I dont work on wallstreet but damn haha thats sad bro. When girls ask what I do I say "Don't worry it's not interesting" and refocus the convo on how they probably like getting spanked.

hahaha this is the drip factor. the sauce.

"Out the garage is how you end up in charge It's how you end up in penthouses, end up in cars, it's how you Start off a curb servin', end up a boss"
Oct 17, 2019 - 5:56pm

When I jump to PE I'll just tell chicks I'm a professional gym teacher - 40-60x more "clout".

Such is the world nowadays, nothing you can do about it.

Array
  • 1
  • Analyst 2 in IB-M&A
Oct 20, 2019 - 2:46pm

interesting... where I am we have alot of girls coming in from neighbouring 3rd world countries, so it works in a club if you just want to get laid. If you're Caucasian + wearing a suit they will assume you're a banker and actually physically throw themselves at you.

my guy friends in IB here seem more intent on fending off gold diggers. Someone once told me he said he was a "watch-seller". Weeds out the stupid gold diggers so he only has to talk to the smart ones.

  • 2
  • 1
Oct 21, 2019 - 1:14pm

Man, I´m sooo glad we don´t have those kind of problems here. Coz ours are worse lol

In Germany, nobody even knows what an investment bank is, noone has ever heard of GS and tell smart, educated girls in a good town like Munich you work in PE, they´ll be like, "Uuh, so that is like Wealth Advisory, like what [local bank] does, right?"

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  • 4
  • Analyst 2 in CorpStrat
Oct 22, 2019 - 10:46am

hahaha - a buddy of mine works for a higher MM - was in Germany for an extended assignemnt and told everyone he was an engineer for a major automotive company - worked like a charm lol

Oct 22, 2019 - 11:44am

Sounds like some WHU/EBS/FS problems right there ^^

Even if these guys would make it to GS, no girl would ever wanna touch them

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Oct 22, 2019 - 2:19pm

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  • Analyst 2 in IB-M&A
Oct 24, 2019 - 11:49am

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