What are the small things your colleague you sit next to does that makes you furious?

Sitting 10+ hours a day next to someone can either be a curse or a blessing. Either way, there is bound to be some trivial thing he/she does that make you want to smash your head through your keyboard. I've encountered the sneeze on their their hand then use your keyboard colleague, the low volume no headphone youtuber, the morning tuna eater, and the boyfriend texting giggler. I've been able to handle/stop them from these habits before any extreme measures had to be taken, but I'm curious as to what the worse thing you've had to deal with was/is.

My worst experience: My job had three months of training in a smallish room (one year ag)... The room was always hot, but we were able to request a lower temperature via a visible internal system. Every. Single. Person. thought that the room was too hot, except this one girl, lets call her 'Jane Doe'. Any time someone would lower it, she would null the request with a 'hotter temperature' request. I kid you not, she did this over 100 times. Our entire training grouptold her that she was the only cold one, so to piss off and wear something warm. As expected, she came in the next day with minimal clothing, and once again raised the temperature. On top of this - she would dump, not spray, her vile perfume in the middle of the humid hot room (of hers, apparently). We told her this was unacceptable as well, however as expected, nothing changed. She even got the name of the maintenance guy and would message him on the side to raise the temperature so we couldn't see her request.

(Un)fortunately, I knew from day one she wouldn't last long at our company. She made our 3 months of training hell, and in return, the gods deemed it that she be fired shortly after training. If you aren't capable of understanding the fair demands and relatively significant requests of others, or are just so oblivious and self centered, you wont succeed in (most) jobs. As karma had it, I by chance walked by her on her way out of the office (being escorted by HR)

Comments (35)

Oct 31, 2017

free heat shock proteins quit being a pansy

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

    • 1
Oct 31, 2017

i did not enjoy working with your sister.

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

    • 1
Nov 4, 2017

WTF does this even mean?

Best Response
Oct 31, 2017

I once had a colleague I sat next to who would contradict me or disagree with everything I said, no matter what I said. It got the point where I would say, "Hey, good work on that presentation yesterday" and he'd reply something to the effect of, "It wasn't that good." Or I'd say, "Brr, chilly outside" and he'd reply, "Not really." Or I'd say, "Ugh, it's been a long day--I'm tired" and he'd respond, "I feel good." If it wasn't so goddamned annoying it would have been comical.

Nov 3, 2017

LOL that would be so frustrating. Seems like he's an awkward guy who is bad at carrying conversations so uses this (probably subconsciously) as a crutch.

Gimme the loot

    • 1
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Nov 11, 2017

+SB...had a colleague just like this as well. I just stopped talking to him altogether unless I absolutely had to...

    • 1
Nov 1, 2017

Furious typing and the sound of someone with a cold that REFUSES to blow their nose. WTF.

Nov 1, 2017

"Furious" is way too strong of a word, but two guys in my office regularly call each other from their offices, on speaker phone, with their doors open, when there is only one office in between their two offices. It creates this multi-level echo effect that is just terrible.

Also, again not "furious," but people think shutting their door means that everyone else can't hear their personal calls. The offices here are very far from soundproof.

    • 1
Nov 1, 2017

do we really need to have a post on office etiquette?

  1. you shouldn't smell like anything, just smell nice. I usually am against perfume/cologne but if you must, one squirt per wrist, rub together then hit the neck area. that's it.
  2. if things are coming out of your mucus membranes, go home. yes, this includes crying.
  3. do not use speakerphone
  4. do not reheat fish or curry in the office, leave that shit at home
  5. offices will be kept between 65-75 degrees fahrenheit, plan accordingly and bring layers/personal heaters if you're cold
  6. if you must listen to music, use headphones that don't spill out into others' ears. this also includes no drumming, humming, or singing. this is work, not the rock band video game
  7. don't talk about the following, ever: sex, religion, politics

I may think of more...

    • 11
Nov 1, 2017
thebrofessor:

do we really need to have a post on office etiquette?

  1. you shouldn't smell like anything, just smell nice. I usually am against perfume/cologne but if you must, one squirt per wrist, rub together then hit the neck area. that's it.
  2. if things are coming out of your mucus membranes, go home. yes, this includes crying.
  3. do not use speakerphone
  4. do not reheat fish or curry in the office, leave that shit at home
  5. offices will be kept between 65-75 degrees fahrenheit, plan accordingly and bring layers/personal heaters if you're cold
  6. if you must listen to music, use headphones that don't spill out into others' ears. this also includes no drumming, humming, or singing. this is work, not the rock band video game
  7. don't talk about the following, ever: sex, religion, politics

I may think of more...

  1. Don't fish off the company dock

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

    • 6
Nov 3, 2017

Gold

Work hard, work clean, & most of all do not give up.

Nov 4, 2017

has no intrinsic value. CANNABIS is the better investment.

    • 4
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Nov 3, 2017

Open their mouth

    • 6
Nov 3, 2017

Worked with this ridiculously perpetual eater. Loud crunching of chips, apples, trail mixes ALL F*CKING DAY... EVERY DAY. And those paper bags never stopped rustling either. And when he drank he'd take a gulp and go "aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh". Whole time I dreamed of taking the thickest Binder and smacking him over the head with it...

Another one is the guy who wears the most nauseatingly strong cologne, and spends the morning bragging about the prowess of his hyper-active sex life. We get it, already. You want to be noticed...

Also, there's the little bastard who takes all the credit for the team's work. "Thank you, sir. I made sure that this is my best work yet..." says the little jerk after 3 all-nighters from the four of us.

Just to name a few

    • 7
Nov 4, 2017

The open mouth chewing and gum smacking sets me off. I cant be near people like that. I'm getting angry just thinking about it.

"The only thing I know is that I know nothing, and i am no quite sure that i know that." Socrates

    • 2
Nov 13, 2017
Bayoumonkey:

The open mouth chewing and gum smacking sets me off. I cant be near people like that. I'm getting angry just thinking about it.

^^ this! Also, if you have a co-worker who insists to snack on ice all damn day long it should be permissible by HR to throat punch that person.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

Dec 5, 2017

It will bite him in the ass eventually when his boss asks him and him only, to complete a large assignment.

"I'm not fat. I'm cultivating mass."

    • 1
Nov 5, 2017

No 2.
Summed up my entire team.

    • 1
Nov 9, 2017

no 3. would beat the shit out of the little asshole

    • 3
Nov 10, 2017

I'm lmfao at the guy "ahhhing" after every gulp.

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Nov 3, 2017

My co-worker thought that I was an NY Jets fan... I reported her to my boss.

Kidding, but actually the worst is there is one guy with the most annoying ringtone on the planet and he keeps it on full volume while wearing noise cancelling headphones as he does his work. He NEVER hears his phone ring, so we have to listen to that stupid jingle until I wanna jump out a window

Nov 4, 2017

Had a colleague that would eat a tupperware of onions everyday at 4pm. Was so bad I tried timing it with my bathroom sesh

Nov 4, 2017

I'm guessing/hoping this wasn't at a client facing job...

Nov 5, 2017

I might be a bit obsessed with it but I can not stand ppl who chew with their mouth open....I can hear everything the fella next to me is biting on...

    • 1
Nov 5, 2017

They exist.

    • 1
Nov 9, 2017

People who talk to themselves while their working on something to help themselves think. I understand and get it but after hours on end it gets a bit annoying.

Nov 10, 2017

Hocking loogeys and multiple personal phono convos a day

Nov 10, 2017

If you clip your nails at your desk, you're the devil. I can handle nearly every other ridiculous action, but the sound of nails being clipped is just obnoxious. The whole thing gets 10x worse when you look over after thinking it can't possibly go on for any longer, only to realize their bare foot is over the trashcan and they're about to start clipping their toenails.

Nov 10, 2017

Back when I first graduated, my first year on the job. Guy in the next cubicle would NOT STOP OBSESSING over BITCOIN. It's literally the only thing he ever talked about, telling us how great it is, the potential, yada yada.

This was back in 2012, when the prices were roughly $25.
Today, it's $7,000+. In other words, he made a 284,000% ROI.
Needless to say, he's retired now. ($10,000 --> nearly $3,000,000).

My point is, don't be so ignorant of other people's ideas, as crazy as they sound (at the time).

    • 3
Oct 31, 2017

I literally wish him death and damnation.

Nov 12, 2017

For all those stories let me tell you mine:
Went long at $12, sold when it went to $16
Went long at $600, sold when it went to $800
Went long Ethereum last summer at $9, got out at $12

Every time I invested scraps - truth is. If you return on such a speculative play 20 to 50% you close your position and take your profit. I did talk about it all over the trading desk at the time, and pissed off everyone. I am still working and enjoying the $1000+ I made, but still working. Kind of the reality with most people who gambled in this.

    • 1
Nov 11, 2017

2 things:

  1. I like the lights in the office to be kept at the half way point on the dimmer, but I have a co worker that seems to always find a way to do half way +1, just to piss me off...
  2. My boss clears his throat every 10 min, I kid you not...
Nov 13, 2017

People who slurp everything they eat or drink, make me want to go Pat Bateman.

Nov 13, 2017
Comment
Feb 18, 2018