Wife Doesn't Wanna Quit

The bitch just won't quit. She won't cut it the fuck out. I had to put my hand to her last night.

fu

JK I don't hit my wife. But I do make significantly more than she does on her teacher salary. She makes like $70K. My income varies but I make a lot more than she does and I pay all of our bills and have been for a few years now. I pay both mortgages, both car notes, utilities, all the major purchases... just everything. She pays the Costco card since she'd had that forever. And I make her send me a stack a month just cause. My business is growing organically and I'm only gonna keep making more and having less free time. It's bullshit, but it's the bed I've made.. or fallen into... more or less...

But I don't fucking need that stack and I can afford private healthcare or healthcare through NAR or whatever. I literally don't see any value out of her employment. 

MEANWHILE

I'm running a fucking business while watching this 10-month-old and doing a lot of the housework. This is fucking bogus. I told her she should just watch the kid (&1 more soon and then my nuts are the property of trenbolone) and do all the housework and logistical shit because I hate all that. Let me do my shit. We'll have a nice life and work to our strengths. Why are you watching other people's kids right now making peanuts while I watch ours and try to run my shit in between this and that off my phone and laptop and shit.

She says she doesn't see herself as "Just a mom." I dug into that last night and she finally admitted she's lowkey afraid she's gonna abandon her career and I'm gonna "upgrade" later on and she'd be fucked. I said bitch you ever heard of alimony? But she knows I'm a 'flip the board here and there' typa dude and if the fam doesn't work out, I might just drop everything and fuck off to South America for good or who knows what else.

So idk. What sayeth you fucks?

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Comments (55)

May 12, 2021 - 12:40pm

You can take care of major living expenses while her salary can cover things that you would otherwise expect her to do if she didn't have a job: hire a person to cover house/yard work, daycare, laundry delivery, other daytime stuff that requires labor. Jobs can definitely fulfill more than financial needs and that's definitely the case for her which is totally fine as long as a fair compromise can be made.

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May 12, 2021 - 2:28pm

Exactly, if you're that successful then hiring people to do that shouldn't be an issue. I would never expect a partner to quit their career, that's just unfair. Being a teacher is an important job and it'd make sense that it is an major source of fulfillment in her life. Also, $70k a year is legit money for 98% of the population and who knows when an emergency might make that money suddenly needed.

Array

  • 1
  • Analyst 2 in ER
May 12, 2021 - 12:41pm

Sounds like an issue that shoulda been addressed before you got her pregnant lol. Maybe offer her to come work for you part time? Idk. If you could give her a sense of purpose by helping her grow your business together, that seems like a win-win. 

May 12, 2021 - 1:30pm

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Most Helpful
May 12, 2021 - 1:05pm

Dude, you sound like a shitty ass husband and you guys never should've gotten married if these are issues. Those things should've be clearly laid out before you guys got married so you both knew what you were getting into and wouldn't be blindsided by this. Also, there is no her money, and "you" are not solely paying the bills. In marriage everything is both of yours (in the eyes of the law and religiously), so I would highly recommend adopting that line of thinking if you want any chance of this marriage surviving in the long run.

May 12, 2021 - 2:07pm

We've been together 6 years and doing great. You can fuck right off with that tone. I got impulse courthouse married as a penniless felon. We were sharing a twin bed. Yeah dude we didn't discuss how we'd be handling this kind of situation. Sheesh.

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/
  • 1
May 12, 2021 - 2:57pm

No offense, but clearly you aren't doing great. You just laid out that 1) your wife doesn't trust you and 2) you guys aren't on the same page with money. Both of those things are extreme red flags for any marriage and combined they could be fatal. Trying to act like these aren't issues is only going to cause more issues in the future. I really want y'all to make this work, but y'all need to address these issues head on and solve them ASAP. Good luck man!

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
May 12, 2021 - 1:27pm

TBH, she's got a good head on her shoulders. In today's day and age, why should a man trust a woman who says she's a virgin? Why should a woman trust a man who says he won't upgrade on the side if the option is available?

The ones most prominently in positions of desirability are the worst billboards for marriage.

May 12, 2021 - 2:06pm

Just commit to her and tell her you'll be there for her for the long run and you think it's best for the family if she is a housewife.

I generally don't like home chores either.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

May 12, 2021 - 2:08pm

That's what I did when I put the silicone on her finger, brother.

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/
May 12, 2021 - 2:16pm

Honestly this is really fucked up and things seem totally black and white. You should try and pose the argument that if you re-allocated the time that you expend on housework and childcare to your business, that you will make considerably more than $70k extra each year. Thus meaning that it would be a net benefit. 

I would try and speak to her parents or closest sibling since those are the people who will be able to reason with her the most. Since her best friend will obviously side with her. 

Normally I shitpost here, but I hope the advice was helpful

  • Analyst 1 in AM - Equities
May 12, 2021 - 2:21pm

how much do you make (roughly) since if it's like $400k and she only makes 70 then this should be super obvious. but if it's $180k and she makes 70, I can see why she is hesitating 

May 12, 2021 - 3:09pm

I'm just on a little Var & Viron right now for 5 weeks. Getting off then knocking up MrsGoldie with MiniGoldie#2 then I can have fun

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/
  • PM in HF - Other
May 12, 2021 - 4:57pm

My friend. I feel for you...First off not sure why college kids/those under 25 feel like they need to rush to answer these threads on married/kids situations. Apparently these folks think when they are married will never fight or resent each other at all. Also they seem to all think hanging out with a 10month old after spending all day on zoom is super fun, could go on.

Same situation here, we are part time nanny now and soon to be full time. I finally gave up arguing and accepted life. My buddy is worth 8 figures finance guy, and his wife is a nurse their nanny costs basically the same as the shifts she picks up but he lost that discussion ages ago. Its 2021 this is a losing discussion to have and call bullshit on any dude who asked their wife before marriage "hey if your PV income is less than the nanny what you plan to do?" You would be smacked left and right. Also its a not dealbreaker, married couples can have arguments and stress and not file for divorce next day.

So bottom line understand you lost this one and think this is the best decision for your wife's mental health and just get the help you need. 
Also some dudes I know their wives were more calm once kids approached school age since they wanted 1 parent to be more active with activities. The fear of "I am alone with a screaming 1 year old...vs 5 year old" apparently gets better.

PS, how on earth you ever convinced her to give you a stack a month is beyond me. Make sure she doesnt let other ladies in the neighborhood know. Paying bills is one thing but to send a stack...pretty unheard of if the spouse makes much less money. Usually they save it all up to be their own money.

May 12, 2021 - 6:52pm

My friend. I feel for you...First off not sure why college kids/those under 25 feel like they need to rush to answer these threads on married/kids situations. Apparently these folks think when they are married will never fight or resent each other at all. Also they seem to all think hanging out with a 10month old after spending all day on zoom is super fun, could go on.

Same situation here, we are part time nanny now and soon to be full time. I finally gave up arguing and accepted life. My buddy is worth 8 figures finance guy, and his wife is a nurse their nanny costs basically the same as the shifts she picks up but he lost that discussion ages ago. Its 2021 this is a losing discussion to have and call bullshit on any dude who asked their wife before marriage "hey if your PV income is less than the nanny what you plan to do?" You would be smacked left and right. Also its a not dealbreaker, married couples can have arguments and stress and not file for divorce next day.

So bottom line understand you lost this one and think this is the best decision for your wife's mental health and just get the help you need. 
Also some dudes I know their wives were more calm once kids approached school age since they wanted 1 parent to be more active with activities. The fear of "I am alone with a screaming 1 year old...vs 5 year old" apparently gets better.

PS, how on earth you ever convinced her to give you a stack a month is beyond me. Make sure she doesnt let other ladies in the neighborhood know. Paying bills is one thing but to send a stack...pretty unheard of if the spouse makes much less money. Usually they save it all up to be their own money.

The thing is she's amazing with kids. And with our kid. That's like her fucking specialty. I don't want some nanny watching my kid. And it's important the kid stays with me too because we're raising her bilingual so I wanna be around.

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/
  • PM in HF - Other
May 12, 2021 - 7:04pm

No doubt dude, the guy I was described same wanted no nanny, a parent is the best to take care of kid themselves. But as mentioned you lost this fight. A nanny won't take over your control 24/7 trust me they are there to help you and let you schedule your life. Many of them are fluent in your language as well. But yes as I said PV calc cant work, mom could be awesome with a kid. But she wants her own money, she wants to leave the house, do her own thing. Cant win that fight these days.

May 12, 2021 - 5:04pm

care.com

hire a nanny who will also do light house chores while kid naps...will cost $20/hour, 8 hours a day = 160/day=800/week*52 weeks = $41,000/year

if you only have the nanny come 3 days a week....mon, wed, fri, then it only costs 28k (pay a little extra for the schedule complexity)

just google it...you're welcome
  • Business School in IB - Ind
May 12, 2021 - 7:36pm

This is something my wife and I talked about before marriage. I made it super clear that I wanted a stay at home mom as my wife as soon as the first kid came out. My wife is a big time people pleaser but thank god she doesn't give into this modern society BS putting down women who don't work. I think you should give her some confidence that you aren't going anywhere (if that's the case, you sound like a troll) and that you value her being a stay at home mom more than the marginal after tax income. 

Guys make sure you clear this up before marriage. Deep down 95%+ women want to be stay at home moms but they don't want to be looked down on by their friends who work. The reason most of these girls walk around with a major resting bitch face is because they are trying to reconcile continuing the career they worked so hard for with the deep desire in their heart to sit at home with a baby while the man brings home the bacon. It's science. 

One more thing, she can easily pick up teaching if she doesn't do it for 10 years. That is because it is a job not a career. Women do this all the time when the youngest gets to be school age. 

  • PM in HF - Other
May 12, 2021 - 8:58pm

Made it super clear is fine, but if she said no would you have walked away is the question? Great advice on giving confidence that nothing wrong with stay at home parent but think 95% is a bit extreme modern society has made women way more independent like men lots of their social interactions occur at work, getting to switch to toddler play dates aint that easy. In my view if whatever parent chooses to stay at home should be into it 100% like your spouse doing it half arsed also leads to resting biatch face.

May 13, 2021 - 8:37am
heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/
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