work/life balance >>>>>> $$$. also i resent my asian parents

i resent my tiger, helicopter asian parents. they were basically amy chua. i had no fucking life growing up. no video games. barely any friends. no TV. all i did was school, academics, etc., after school academics, violin, etc. fucking horseshit. all my parents cared about was GPA, how well I did on the SAT, if i got into a prestigious college, and if I would become an investment banker, management consultant, doctor, lawyer, or engineer.

i worked my fucking ass off, got great grades, destroyed the SAT, got into an ivy league school, worked in banking for a bit, and hated my life. i didn't do anything for me. i fucking quit. now i'm working a corporate job 40 hours a week making significantly less but i'm so much fucking happier

i finally can live. i'm taking surfing lessons, learning how to DJ, socializing with friends, playing the guitar, and playing video games. i don't have a prestigious job anymore, and i don't work with peers from prestigious colleges, but i make enough to live off on (i make 60k a year, and that's honestly fucking fine for most of my needs even though i'm not making 120,000 a year anymore). i have a girlfriend and can spend time with her. i have real friends

in the real world, outside of these fucking elitist bubbles, no one gives a fuck about prestige, and the people who do are fucking hated and despised. do what you want for yourself. if u genuinely like being an investment banker or lawyer, knock yourself out. but fuck working 80+ hours a week, that's fucking ass

my asian parents are disappointed, as are many of my asian peers growing up who are working at "prestigious" jobs at "prestigious" companies, but fuck them. after seeing the high rates of depression, cocaine use, alcoholism, obesity, and divorce at my old workplace, i'm glad i got the fuck out as fast as i did

Comments (43)

Apr 2, 2018

+1 you learned how to cuss effectively as well.

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Jul 30, 2018

Knowing a few curse words and using them often doesn't mean one knows how to curse. This guy just shoved random curse words into sentences in areas that make no sense.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays

Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne

Best Response
Apr 2, 2018

Chinese American here. Couple things I learned along the way:

  1. Yea fuck my growing up/teenage years. Growing up in an immigrant family, I was told that education was the only thing that mattered. I got into a special math program, and slowly my parents stopped wanting my to do extracurriculars that i did when I was younger like baseball, basketball, piano, and drawing, things that now enrich my life so much. They also never realized that while academics is important, its not King like it is in China. Connections, networking, being a people person is King. I did not learn this until way into my adulthood years.
  2. I fucking love my parents. They did everything for me. They came to this crazy ass country with no money and no language skills, and made a life for themselves and for me. I know for a fact that had they stayed, they would probably be richer than they are now (with the economic boom in China and all), but I'm so glad I grew up in the states. The thing that I always tell myself is that "they cant give me something they did not have." They didn't have the knowledge that maybe the Chinese ways of raising children would not work as well in America (though its does do well in America in general).
  3. They get that I need to have my own life now. Maybe this is where you are struggling with. After I moved to NYC and started to live on my own/work in IB, I think they wised up and started allowing me to live my life (which I am immensely grateful for). Maybe you're parents are not there yet. Maybe they need some time to realize that pedigree, status, money, isnt what its made out to be. I find that asian parents really soften up as both they themselves and their children age. They start to have some regrets about the tenacity in which they spurred their children on, and start to just being open to the dreams of their children. Give it some time, I think they'll come around.
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Apr 2, 2018

Good for you man, u deserve the life you want to live.

BTW, do you live in a high cost-of-living city? Was wondering because 60k is way different in SF or NY than it is in a city in Idaho

Apr 2, 2018
Pizz:

Good for you man, u deserve the life you want to live.

BTW, do you live in a high cost-of-living city? Was wondering because 60k is way different in SF or NY than it is in a city in Idaho

sounds like San Diego

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

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Apr 3, 2018

I live in NYC now but I used to live in Orlando, FL. In Orlando, I made 65K, lived in the best apartment building in Downtown, and went to the best clubs is restaurants around. I was basically king of my friends who made around 45-50K working in some law firms and construction companies.

When I moved to NYC, I was making 75K at the start and my paychecks came out to less after taxes than what I was making in Florida. Add the higher cost of living and it felt like I just lost the lottery.

To sum it up: 60K can be a lot of money depending on where you live.

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Apr 2, 2018

Hell yeah man, happy for you. What's being rich if you can't enjoy it.

Some people genuinely love high finance, but I'm just going to guess and say 50%+ only like it enough to tolerate it and the majority of which are in it for the money. Not worth it to me. I went CB > IB and back to CB as I realized its one hell of a life.

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Apr 2, 2018

You're happy and thats all that matters. +1 for that, and I'm sorry about your psycho parents. You're clearly smart and will likely be successful in whatever you pursue, so it was wise to pursue happiness first and foremost

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Apr 4, 2018

It really depends on your perspective. I lateraled from Big 4 Accounting to IB because I didn't want myself to regret anything when I get older. Sure I can stay in Big 4, make Manager or exit to Corporate and enjoy the flexibility and the work life balance but at the same time I will always gonna be asking myself that "what if" question".

For me, being in banking is just part of my life experiment when I try something new rather than staying with status quo, and even if I end up hating it I believe I will still learn something out of it. When I'm still young why not try my best, learn as much as I can and make some nice money for retirement / future purchases?

Apr 4, 2018

You do realize that there's plenty of jobs for 120k that don't require you to kill yourself right?

It's good that you're taking some time for yourself and pull back a bit, that's healthy. But 60k isn't going to cut it long term and you should be optimistic that there's work for you out there that pays well without burying yourself.

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Apr 5, 2018

Please tell me which ones are those within our finance-related field. I was working in corporate financial advisory, was not making much. But I had an amazing work-life balance. (But I am in middle east where work life balance is generally good except very few finance jobs)

Looking forward to settle down in USA/Canada, where would I find this kinda job which pays 120k yet doesn't have killer hours.

Apr 5, 2018

CorpFin at F500 companies, Commercial Banking, Corporate Banking..

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Apr 5, 2018

good on you for doing what makes you happy. it must have been hard going against your parents. hope you find peace with them and your childhood and be happy going forward.

Apr 5, 2018

There are plenty of jobs where you get paid a lot and don't have to work your ass off. Having said that, good degrees / prior work experience are generally necessary. Either that or benefiting from some kind of connections / nepotism.

Apr 7, 2018

OP, it sounds like you've spent your days thus far being governed by external benchmarks. To counteract this, it sounds like you've taken a 180 degree turn and gone in the direction directly opposite to external benchmarks. This may seem tempting in the short term, but from this approach, your actions are still done in reference to external benchmarks

In life you should always follow the path of least resistance, so to speak. Now I don't mean the least external resistance, because external obstacles are usually necessary to overcome in order to be fulfilled. I mean the least internal resistance. Which basically amounts to doing what you love and doing it really well. That may put you in destinations that more superficial people consider prestigious, or it may not. The point is that it doesn't matter - your measuring stick should be internal, not external

Not once did I hear "I love my job" in the OP. Which means that once the allure of surfing lessons and learning how to DJ has inevitably faded, you will find yourself in a different kind of disillusionment

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Apr 7, 2018

Actually I do like my job. "Love" is too strong, but it's pretty chill. I work in marketing. I'm surrounded by actually interesting and cool people who have a ton of hobbies. Work is less analytical and more based around social/people skills, which I prefer.

Apr 7, 2018
disillusionedasian:

Actually I do like my job. "Love" is too strong, but it's pretty chill. I work in marketing. I'm surrounded by actually interesting and cool people who have a ton of hobbies. Work is less analytical and more based around social/people skills, which I prefer.

I think the fact that you describe your job by your coworkers hobbies speaks for itself

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Jul 30, 2018

Answered elsewhere in this thread, but don't worry about loving or not loving your job. It's a JOB. You do not need to love your job to find the work stimulating. I'd much rather spend my free time doing other things than at work, but that doesn't mean I don't enjoy what I do when I am at work. Don't give into people / society pushing you to "do what you love." I think it's a cliche and essentially a throw-away phrase used to try and make people feel guilty they are not pursuing other ventures.

I love playing sports more than anything and even had an opportunity to play a sport professionally. I guarantee you that even though I could have been a professional athlete playing the sport I love that I would not have loved my job (stress related to being an athlete, being cut, being injured, etc.). Instead I chose finance where I find the work interesting and stimulating.

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Jul 30, 2018

I consider myself a cynic / realist. I'm sorry, but the % of people who "love their job" is very small. I can't think of too many who would rather work at their job than spend time with friends, loved ones, doing activities they want to, etc.

I think society has pushed people to go out and find what they love, but I think it's a load of crap. I think one should find something they can tolerate / have an interest in. I find my job interesting and I'm fortunately glad to do what I do (at least that's the case so far in my relatively short career). Does that mean I love my job? Hell no. I'd much rather spend my free time doing something else. Bottom line, don't give into the social construct of loving a job and instead try and be pragmatic. A job pays for bills - you don't need to love working, you just need to be able to tolerate it and have some interest in what you are doing.

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Apr 2, 2018
Going Concern:

Not once did I hear "I love my job" in the OP. Which means that once the allure of surfing lessons and learning how to DJ has inevitably faded, you will find yourself in a different kind of disillusionment

Yeah, exactly.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Jul 28, 2018

Yet where did you go to post this realization? An Investment Banking forum full of motivated "elitists" ....

Sounds like you split your differential and tipped the fuck over. Live how you want and we'll live how we want to you fucking vag.

Greed is Good

Funniest
Jul 28, 2018

Calm down lmao

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Apr 2, 2018
theaccountingmajor:

Calm down lmao

hahahaha

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Jul 29, 2018

Forcing your kids to study all the time should be categorized as borderline slavery. This is sickening.

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Jul 30, 2018

Oh fuck off, parents who want their children to have better lives then them are clearly slave drivers.

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays

Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne

    • 1
Jul 29, 2018

Not the way robbing kids their childhood. You seem like enjoying abusive behavior. Sad.

Jul 29, 2018

I think if you spend some time trying your hand at a few different jobs you'll find something you excel at and don't mind working hard at either. IMO "balance" is something people want because they don't do something they genuinely love. It can be anything, even DJing. Hell, go all out and buy $12,000 worth of analog synths and start making retrowave. Just put some time into it. :)

One of my main partners is a musician that's moderately well known in a tiny subgenre and pulls ~$300k a year which is 10x what other musicians in the genre make, even some of his bandmates, purely because he monetized correctly and manages his brand well. YMMV but just pointing out you can make money doing what you love.

Jul 30, 2018

But what if we aren't sure what we love yet?

Jul 29, 2018

Easiest thing to do is join a startup. Preferably one VC funded. You'll get a chance to try your hand at a bunch of different stuff usually.

Jul 30, 2018

Sucks they were so hard on you, but it is nice they set you up for success in anything you want to do. You've learned how to work hard and learn, those are extremely valuable.

I know a bunch of kids on the other side where parents didn't push at all, and it took them too long to discover the world of people putting in effort. It's kinda late now for them, and they have to work 10x harder than someone with your background has to in order to make money/seek happiness.

Congrats though, surfing kicks ass and I'm happy you are learning about the Finer things in life. If you're in an area where you can surf, I highly recommend spearfishing. Shit will get you Zen as fuck, and the feeling of cooking up, eating, and sharing what you caught earlier that day is one of the best in this world.

Jul 30, 2018
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