Andy note: See "A Male Banker Describes A Typical Female Banker In NYC — And Why He Won't Date One" on BI yesterday.
This post was inspired by What every banker girl needs. Once again, this reminds me that there are many delusional girls in New York City. Village Voice published an article in 2011 that detailed how unbearable these women are: Dear Single Women of NYC: It's Not Them, It's You.
As a Young Asian Professional (YAP) in NYC, I am affiliated with various social groups including Asian Ivy League Mixers and one type of girls that you can't miss out is your typical "banker chick". I want to talk about how they think, what they got it all wrong and why you shouldn't waste your time on them.
My quick bio: I am at a Private Equity firm that focuses on Emerging Markets. My other job is working as "Life & Dating Coach". Started as a hobby in 2010, I mainly focus on Asian Investment Bankers in the New York City area. Here is My Blog. I have helped many men get married as well as get into a long lasting relationship. I also write a column for one of the best dating coaches in the US. I enjoy helping people with their career challenges as well as with their relationship problems.
Just to remind our readers about Bankerella's post, a bit self absorbed?
Bankerella Every week I handle a bunch (call it a round half-dozen) of challenges that I consider to be a basic part of my life. You know: Take a bullet for the team. Be unable to get enough time to eat or use the bathroom for 6-8 hours. Get shit on. Stand up for yourself to the guy who signs your checks. Make a big, career-defining decision on data you know is bad. Meet a big CFO for the first time and be asked to tell him, on the spot, in front of your boss, what you think he's doing wrong.
Wait it gets better...
Bankerella But this scrub? He's constantly freaking out about challenges that wouldn't be challenges at all if he weren't such a delicate fucking flower. I do not want to listen to him trying (and failing) to solve life problems that I consider insignificant. Also, my time is fucking valuable. So do I. If you get two hours on my calendar, I need to walk away with two hours' worth of good stuff, and I want a guy who expects the same from me.
As I was reading her post, I can't help but to remember a few quotes that I have read from this article: Dear Single Women of NYC: It's Not Them, It's You.
Village Voice At some point, I yelled at almost all of these men for not being "what I wanted," and, as we all do, turned to my female friends for consolation and support. "He doesn't deserve you," they would say, my own Greek chorus. "You're so much better than him." Then, inevitably: "Why are New York men such assholes?"
Village Voice "There are no good single men living in New York City! They're all gay or taken!" It's followed by various tales of woe regarding "typical NYC jerks" and the evils they have inflicted upon amazing, upstanding, attractive, intelligent, high-powered New York City women who are so much better than the men they date.
Village Voice For every loser I've screamed at, there have been nice, normal single guys with perfectly acceptable ZIP codes and ages and jobs and habits who never did a thing wrong but for some reason were chucked after the first or second, or maybe even third, date for being boring, predictable, too nice, too normal, not successful enough, or . . . admitted to no one, perhaps not even myself: too available. The scariest of scary words.
Let's talk about your typical "banker chick" in NYC.
1. Predominately most banker chicks that I have been has been Asians and Eastern Europeans who came to US for school and got recruited into doing FO roles at various financial institutions including investment banks, consulting at McKinsey, or Corporate Strategy at Avon/ Tiffany and so forth.
2. Most banker chicks I have met are hardcore nerds. They went to the best high schools in their respective countries. They are top 10% of their class. If they were here for their MBA, they went to top notch undergraduates either in the US or in their home countries. I haven't forgotten about American born Chinese (ABC). All of these banker chicks went to Ivy League.
3. They are currently in age between 22-29 with a six figures taxable income (at least $100,000 base plus bonus).
4. They are extremely delusional: they think that their Ivy League education combined with their high paying job place them in a different level in the dating scene. I have met a girl at Goldman Sachs who works in their Quant group. She always wears Chanel, head to toe for every networking events and always give off condescending attitude.
What they say and how they think. These are things that I actually hear:
1. "I want to date someone at my level. My current boyfriend is only an Analyst at a BB. I need to at least date someone who is at the VP level." This actually happened to one of my best friends.
2. "Do I look like a handout? I am independent woman and I expect men to pay for dates and I also want someone who can take care of me, if I choose to be a full-time housewife." This is one of the most common lines that I have heard. I am always confused what does this actually mean. Do you want to be a full time housewife or not? How can you claim to be independent while expecting men to pay? No, I am not kidding. Match.com Dates $1,200 Free Dinners and
3. "I like my current boyfriend but I am not attracted to him. I have been seeing a few other men on the side whom I find pretty attractive and excited to be with." I knew a couple of banker chicks in NYC, who are doing exactly this. They feel that their current boyfriends are beta-males (good providers) while they look for fun with alpha-males.
4. "Where have all the good guys go?" To all the banker chicks, here is my answer:
Btw, meet my newest family member named:
MoMo, 4 months old male Pomeranian
Here is how you should really choose your partner.
Over the weekend, I had a conversation with a friend over lunch. We updated each other on how things were going in our lives and the people that we came across. Then we continued to talk about how dating in New York City can be pretty tough. We exchanged our ideas on what our ideal relationship would be like? She started mentioned about lifestyles and habits. Then we started talking about the big picture items such as: what would make or break a relationship? She asked me what I want from my partner. I said pretty simple, only three things:
1) Honesty & Loyalty
2) Positivity
3) Persistence
She said that’s a pretty simple list. It is pretty simple. I believe that I need all of these in my partner. Pretty obvious. Pretty simple. And yet I am pretty certain that it’s hard to find someone who can be “consistently” like that.
Honesty & Loyalty: I think they go hand in hand. I don’t think one can exist without the others. Honesty means really being honest with yourself. Honestly making a living. Honestly living life. Honestly understanding who you are. I have rarely met people who are really honest with themselves. A lot of time people are doing things that other people want. In order to know what you truly want you have to ask yourself a few questions:
a) Am I willing to put the work in?
b) Why do I want this?
c) How far would I go to get this?
d) Am I trying to impress someone?
Loyalty, first means being loyal to yourself. Loyal to yourself means standing by your beliefs. Loyal to your feelings. Loyal to your callings in life. So the first requirement is really asking my partner to be really honest to herself in learning who she is and then loyally following her true callings in life. Then it’s about being loyal to your partner. It means that no matter thick or thin you are willing to stand by him. Remember the marriage vow?
“I, ____, take you, ____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life. I, ____, take you, ____, for my lawful (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.”
If you read that carefully, you will realize that relationship and marriage is all about really accepting and being loyal to someone through thick and thin. Sounds pretty simple, but it is something really rare to see.
Positivity: To me, being positive doesn’t mean someone who always sees life on the bright side. Being positive requires someone to have faith in believing other than himself. It’s about having faith and really believing that there is something greater than ourselves that we cannot see. It is the faith that things will always get better even when the situation looks extremely bleak. It also means someone who has a long term view in life. Okay what I want right now cannot be done right now, but what can I really do at this point to bring me that much closer to my goal? It is to see the opportunities in every difficulty. It is the ability to recognize the biggest challenges in life are just opportunities for you to excel. I haven’t met many people who can do that. That brings me to the next item on the list: Persistence.
Persistence: I think after having all the qualities I have mentioned above, you don’t have this one, it’s all a waste. I have never really seen someone who gets things done right on the first try. We are just not born that way. A lot of things that are worth achieving really require dedication (i.e. like getting a six pack abs). It requires a lot of time working day in and day out. These things never really pay dividends in the short term. You really need to invest a lot of your time and energy to benefit in the long run. Are you really the kind of person who can give up short term benefits in order to do well in the long run? Would you get easily depressed because things are not going well for you? Even if everyone in the room disagree with you and tell you that you are just wasting your time, will you be able to brush off their comments and keep moving? That’s something that I really admire and I think it’s really hard to find someone like that.
If you haven't seen this: CEO's Reply to A Pretty Girl
For those who are Asians, I highly recommend these:
NYMAG: Paper Tigers
Creating a Future of Positive Male Asian Role Models
Presentation on Above Talk in PDF
My Story:
Part 1: My Pursuit of Happyness
Part 2: My Pursuit of Happyness
See my previous posts in this series:
Day 1: To Be A Better Man
Day 2: Healthy Competition Among Mature Men
Day 3: I HATE YOU
Day 4: SWAG, Do You Have It?
Day 5: Word of Advice
Day 6: 10 Important Life Lessons
Day 7: Unofficial Guide to Banking & Dating
Day 8: Any MMA Fighters Among WSO Monkeys
Bonus: Previous Useful Posts
To Keep You Motivated
List of Resources for Personal Development
Free Modeling Course
Q&A Session with Human
NYSSA Equity Research Work Samples
NYSSA Banker Clichés
Quae rerum quam illo fuga ut eum est. Fugit dolor quibusdam ut aut. Veniam fuga quam eius. Ullam atque perspiciatis et eos. Expedita ea dolor reprehenderit et. Deserunt qui veritatis provident rem labore ipsa. Illo tenetur dolores possimus aut sit.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...
Et et repellat tempora et repellendus. Reiciendis dolore et facere similique nihil et. Temporibus earum quod sequi delectus.
Et sapiente officiis consectetur quod. Voluptatum quae perspiciatis ipsam est ratione aut placeat sit. Et aut doloremque hic consequatur laboriosam sint.
Et quia amet doloremque. Aut impedit optio ut autem consequuntur aut.
Et iusto aliquid libero omnis magnam ea et. Eos enim voluptatem et sit vel rerum et. Possimus quam sit omnis eius.
Aperiam quis velit odio temporibus. Et vitae quis autem sunt consequatur rerum. Ea a rem excepturi iste voluptatem fugit aperiam.
Eos qui quia veritatis cum est odit omnis enim. Est autem laborum non quis et corrupti delectus. Optio iure tempore quibusdam vel.
Aliquid sed pariatur quam vitae non doloremque est. Eum pariatur et sed neque tempore aut provident deleniti. Consequatur explicabo perspiciatis aut rerum nihil. Natus optio autem quas architecto quisquam et sit nesciunt. Iste autem libero rerum velit qui sed.
Ut rerum minus atque modi odio molestiae. Tenetur reiciendis asperiores labore dolores quae. Non eum voluptas eligendi necessitatibus vel ut sapiente. Sint sint culpa nesciunt id quae sapiente. Sit et itaque aliquam corporis reiciendis voluptas magnam. Vero excepturi quod voluptate vel consequuntur sapiente optio. Rerum vitae eum vel officiis.
Aperiam voluptates qui quae veniam animi. Tempore quibusdam ducimus officia modi dicta. Voluptate enim suscipit molestias repudiandae et enim. Nostrum odio tempora et aperiam nisi quis.
Amet laboriosam facilis nemo commodi qui ipsam sit. Perspiciatis laboriosam nisi debitis ipsam dolor ut. Similique aliquid quia nisi fugit cupiditate itaque commodi. Dolorem voluptate quaerat iusto id. Provident molestiae provident iure fugiat sit rerum quod et. Vel et excepturi distinctio dolor quia voluptate.
Impedit ut quisquam ut aut qui. Est quisquam non voluptas similique illo laborum consequatur. Vitae nemo ad culpa ipsum ex officiis non. Voluptatem cum recusandae odio eius et pariatur minima. Distinctio autem saepe est eaque natus.
Quas inventore iste dolorem reiciendis aperiam iusto nihil omnis. Fugit voluptas quod sequi unde omnis consectetur. Et quaerat a ut odio qui omnis.
Corrupti ut aliquid at quisquam atque. Quia alias iure aut facilis placeat vel. Atque saepe explicabo doloremque nulla suscipit eius.
Asperiores dolore rerum soluta nesciunt culpa sed voluptas. Dolore rerum ea maiores eum. Quasi perspiciatis doloribus cum eligendi provident id. Praesentium animi laboriosam dicta.
Accusantium qui minima aliquid quidem quam non. Dolores natus voluptate facilis et esse. Ipsam earum mollitia non et ut. Quia qui aut doloribus ut.
Et labore nobis ea ab fugit autem aut. Non quo occaecati at nostrum error dolore. Atque quia voluptas voluptates et voluptatum illum delectus. Voluptatem molestiae voluptas labore corporis placeat inventore qui illum. Qui voluptatem ut et facere. Facilis repudiandae officia inventore est autem atque debitis omnis.
Dolorum quasi tenetur non minima. Excepturi voluptatem laborum commodi eum. Tenetur dolorum sit assumenda animi. Nihil sit odit veniam ad aut.
Dolor beatae amet dignissimos et est eos vero. Necessitatibus id quisquam odit. Ex explicabo expedita ut in autem exercitationem.
Dolore et qui animi ut sint quia et qui. Fuga repudiandae sed harum beatae qui cupiditate. Est velit reprehenderit cupiditate et est. Quam neque aspernatur veniam tempora corporis tempore commodi.
Repudiandae dolores voluptas asperiores vitae illum. Vitae harum quisquam animi ullam. Tempore quas sed facere aut cum labore. Magnam quasi nihil velit ea dolorem vel odit. Dicta voluptatum est repellat quae.
Maiores sint veritatis nostrum quo. Possimus delectus sit quidem sit voluptatem officia hic. Totam quas aut molestias aspernatur.
Placeat voluptates adipisci eveniet voluptatum non. Qui neque ab molestiae esse alias sapiente harum voluptates. Et quibusdam deserunt qui rem accusantium. Atque nobis blanditiis ea dolor. Cupiditate atque laboriosam quod rem minus doloremque eaque veniam.
Quas aut explicabo minima cum sunt ut maiores. Doloremque labore nobis exercitationem. Necessitatibus et ratione fuga hic autem. Nisi ullam similique nemo voluptate.
Non assumenda ea numquam possimus dignissimos corrupti. Ullam pariatur ut laboriosam omnis voluptas velit. Ipsa hic nesciunt architecto commodi qui impedit.
Pariatur commodi inventore et nemo ut ut vitae consequatur. Delectus et odit neque ullam dolores. Sapiente ex itaque nulla quibusdam magnam illo.
Sit aspernatur quasi reiciendis sit aut. Ut nihil omnis consequuntur ut quis quis repudiandae. Ea facilis enim sed perferendis.
Asperiores et exercitationem architecto et quo. Quis et illo commodi nulla ipsum maiores quibusdam consectetur. Veritatis in asperiores reiciendis eligendi distinctio. Hic rerum fugiat aspernatur. Nostrum qui quia debitis molestiae.
Est voluptates est assumenda expedita tempore error. Ab harum excepturi pariatur dolor. Quisquam qui distinctio quia expedita id non.
Qui dolores atque qui laborum. Exercitationem eum voluptatem cumque est odio est aut. Eos error pariatur et aut. Et aut dolorem nam praesentium. Enim cumque velit et dolores similique repellendus. Tempora praesentium alias expedita reiciendis distinctio.
Sed doloremque molestias saepe porro est quas officia. Ipsam eum perspiciatis asperiores atque velit itaque enim. Sapiente laborum facilis ut laudantium dolor nihil voluptatem nemo.
Magni consectetur facere aut similique rerum sint illum. Culpa aut quis fugit sequi nesciunt laudantium commodi. Et maiores exercitationem omnis doloremque rem aut. Est sed cum porro ex dignissimos animi soluta.
Repudiandae itaque ad optio. Molestias itaque autem labore animi voluptatum ut quibusdam. Qui unde officia nostrum labore suscipit at.
Ut esse nemo qui ratione non ut. Vitae earum molestias et. Rem ut assumenda dolor qui est est. Aliquam in qui id reprehenderit quos. Rerum maiores repellat saepe nihil corrupti quis voluptate qui.
Omnis autem est sunt totam id molestiae nostrum. Qui rerum soluta unde ut hic eos voluptas. Est provident qui impedit in qui sed illum.
Ipsam a rerum enim perspiciatis qui mollitia dolor distinctio. Nihil velit sit autem tempore voluptas. Rerum in reiciendis et nam. Ut eos laudantium excepturi non odio praesentium sed. Dolorum magnam quam ducimus aliquam cupiditate ut numquam. Reiciendis vitae impedit velit reiciendis iusto.