Part 1: My Pursuit of Happyness

Before I announce what I am planning to do for WSO, it will help to speak briefly about my background - I am turning 27. I left home at the age of 18. I came from a middle class in a very poor nation with extreme political instability. I attended college on scholarships that covered most of my tuitions. I worked on campus, did relevant internships as well as attended school full time.

For the last nine years, I have taught to take care of myself. Previous seven years were harsh living by myself, but this period (May 2010 to May 2011) was one of the most difficult times in my life . I completed my graduate program without an offer in hand. It was in 2010, and the world seemed to have collapsed. All the firms were laying off people. Most of the major banks had taken the bailout money and international students were no longer eligible for visa sponsorship as a part of the bailout. Since major investment banks were the one who employed the most people, I wasn’t eligible to apply for a lot of positions.

Life became one giant question mark, and for me, it was extremely painful and stressful. I went through an emotional journey to rebuild my identity, get in shape and find a purpose in life. It wasn’t easy but I am glad that I came out stronger at the end.

Started Out With This
My self-development journey started in May 2010. I was broke, overweight and single. The money that I had saved up was slowly running out. My credit cards reached its limits and I was $15,000 in debt. After constantly overworked and being sleep deprived, combined with eating junk foods, I gained over 45 pounds to 235 lbs. I had broke up with my girlfriend of two years and it was devastating.

I had been living in a basement studio since the beginning of my graduate program. The basement always gets flooded every time when it rains heavily. Every time when it snows outside, I have to literally dig my way out the snow. No matter how much I clean this place, I still see rats and roaches running around from time to time. In the summer, the basement becomes unbearably hot. In the winter, the place gets really cold. Since I paid a fixed rate for utility, my landlord did not allow me to turn on AC in the summer and always turned off the heaters at night in the winter to save electricity. I was broke and I can’t complain since I didn’t have extra money to pay for it.

My home country continued to be in a political turmoil and there was no way that I could return back home. Most importantly, my self-esteem would not let me. I could not bear the thought of walking out on myself. I told my parents to give me one year to do what I want with my life. If at the end of the one year, I were to failed, I will pack my bags and leave this country.

Although my experience wasn't as horrible as Will Smith's character, Chris Gardner in the movie "The Pursuit of Happyness", I experienced similar low point in my life and I am grateful for everyone who had helped me along the way.

At The End of The Tunnel
On April 20th 2011, at 1:00pm, I finally got a call that I have been waiting for. After applying 800+ jobs, talking to 600+ people and 35+ interviews, I was offered a Research Associate position at a Boutique. I couldn’t believe that I was hearing this. That day, I took a day off from my consulting job and was walking around Union Square. I stood there silently for a few minutes without knowing how to react from the call that I just received. Then, I cried intensely. I had been holding out all the self-doubts until this point. I had heard enough of repeated criticisms without having anyone to tell me that I was on the right path. I was told continuously that “I wasn’t good enough” and that “I don’t have the right background”. Most importantly, this was the self-validation that I was looking for: I didn’t walk out on myself, I didn’t give up, I didn’t quit on myself.

Almost one year after May 2010, I am rightfully employed and pursuing my career. I have lost 45 lbs to a healthy weight at 190 lbs. And my dating life has been going well. I met my current girlfriend while I was still broke. As of today, I have paid off all my debts from my last year’s bonus. I have been living together with my girlfriend in a one bedroom apartment at a nice neighborhood.

I finished my dating blog, which led me to write for Men's Psychology. Through my self discovery journey, I was able to use what I have learned in helping 1) two of my guy friends get married, 2) two of my other guy friends in getting their girlfriends, and 3) another two of my guy friends have become very successful in dating. I have also took my time to help others in securing internships and landing full time positions. This has also led me to spend more time on WSO to help out any Prospective Monkeys.

Next post will cover what I did to get to where I want to go and who I want to be.

My Story:
Part 1: My Pursuit of Happyness
Part 2: My Pursuit of Happyness

See my previous posts in this series:
Day 1: To Be A Better Man
Day 2: Healthy Competition Among Mature Men
Day 3: I HATE YOU
Day 4: SWAG, Do You Have It?
Day 5: Word of Advice
Day 6: 10 Important Life Lessons
Day 7: Unofficial Guide to Banking & Dating
Bonus: Previous Useful Posts

 
blueslord2910:
Always always follow your post! I am from middle class family in a developing country as well, may even mean poor in the US. Got scholarship and worked 40hrs a week, that is why I am still here in the US. I hope I could end up with a job too.

If there is anything that I can do to help, do let me know.

"I am the hero of the story. I don't need to be saved."
 
Human:
blueslord2910:
Always always follow your post! I am from middle class family in a developing country as well, may even mean poor in the US. Got scholarship and worked 40hrs a week, that is why I am still here in the US. I hope I could end up with a job too.

If there is anything that I can do to help, do let me know.

For sure. Are you going to the WSO conference? I am thinking of it!

 
Downeasta:
I'd give you 100 silver bananas if I could. Proud of you, man.

Thanks. If there is anything that I can do to help, please do let me know.

"I am the hero of the story. I don't need to be saved."
 
God of Wine:
Very motivational story. Thank you. I hope all of your friends and family are proud of you and appreciate you.

Thanks for your compliment. I am based in NYC, if there is anything that I can help, please do let me know.

"I am the hero of the story. I don't need to be saved."
 
Best Response
Brady4MVP:
Amazing post. I got a bit emotional when reading this. Although I did not have the same adversity as the OP, I can empathize with his struggles. Incredible story and mad props to you.

I'm curious to know more about your writings on dating and the type of advice you have given to your friends. Social life is one area where I'm struggling immensely.

Hi Brady, if you were interested you can look at my blog: http://thesummereffects.com/. Everything has been indexed accordingly. I have written most of the materials and have properly referenced whenever I am using other people's materials. I also write for http://www.menspsychology.com/.

In term of dating advice, especially for friends who are having troubles getting a girlfriend, I help them go through two processes: 1) Inner Game and 2) Outer Game.

Inner Game: I actually spend a lot of time talking to them to solidify what they want in their lives. I talk to them about everything other than dating. This is because I believe that without building a strong character, without being happy with one's career, without being financial responsible and without having a healthy lifestyles, you cannot really address any of the dating issues. Teaching someone how to attract someone (like Pick Up Artists) without addressing other important areas of life would not be effective.

Outer Game: For this, I actually focus more on teaching people how to communicate. Also on how to view things from the female's perspective. I also encourage them on Public Speaking courses like http://www.toastmasters.org/. I also refer them also to reading materials on non-verbal communication. I also personally take them out to shop for clothes that make them look good without breaking the bank. I also help to list out all the social events in town with a social calendar, where they can practice their communication skill. I also offer advice where to go for a date, how to text and most importantly how to convert a casual dating into an official relationship.

"I am the hero of the story. I don't need to be saved."
 
SlikRick:
Well done Human! The Pursuit of Happyness is my favorite movie, and I definitely used it for strength when my job efforts were looking bleak. However, you're story is incredible! Looking forward to reading Part 2. I wish you the best of luck in your current and future endeavors.

Thank you for reading. If there were anything that I could be of any help, do let me know.

"I am the hero of the story. I don't need to be saved."
 

No wonder your writing/comments are always so insightful; that kind if personal development would show in everything you do. Well done, and thank you for sharing this story.

"Dont compromise yourself; you're all you've got" - Janis Joplin
 
MissNG:
No wonder your writing/comments are always so insightful; that kind if personal development would show in everything you do. Well done, and thank you for sharing this story.

Thanks for the compliment. The dating coach that I am associated with also write a blog for woman. The site is: http://www.womenshappiness.com/. Thought you might be interested.

If there were anything that I could be helpful, please do let me know.

"I am the hero of the story. I don't need to be saved."
 
febreeze:
"That day, I took a day off from my consulting job and was walking around Union Square."

wait... what?

consulting really pays that bad???

I was consulting for a retail startup that specializes in high end female clothing. Not the Bain Capital/McKinsey kind of deal. Here is what I was going to take about in my second post. Since you asked about it:

Took a Paycut After doing several BO/MO roles, even at BBs, I realized that I could never land a FO role by getting another BO/MO positions. From my experience, I realized that most employers carry the backoffice stigma (the BO guy) and whatever I did in BO/MO roles were not transferable. I already did two IBD internships, which showed me that there was a big difference in skill sets that employers were looking for. And there was no ways for me to develop them if I were kept doing any BO/MO roles. So I joined a startup to build financial models, put together pitch books, speak to industry experts and also help the company to raise capital. I didn’t get pay much but I knew that I needed to spend some time learning a entire new skill sets.
"I am the hero of the story. I don't need to be saved."
 

That's an amazing story. I also think your experience might have actually been worse than Will Smith's in the movie to be honest. Whenever I searched up threads I noticed you sending an ER test package thing to everyone that asked, and quite frequently. On behalf of everyone I would like to thank you for that. Kudos to you, all the best in the future! :)

 
UFOinsider:
DUUUUDE you're the man.

Bonus points for scoring a GF who likes you while you're poor.

Seriously, thank you for posting, this is inspirational

Thanks buddy. Please do let me know if there is anything that I can help.

"I am the hero of the story. I don't need to be saved."
 

Great great story my man. What boutique are you with? (if you don't mind me asking) I'd give them my business for this story alone.

Not to be a stickler but it's HappIness

Eventus stultorum magister.
 

It sounds to me as if "dating" is actually a great deal for life. I haven't dated anyone and don't feel much regret - as long as the monkey business is going well - Stephen-Scharzman-well, George-Soros-well. There are whole bunch of books on dating on Amazon - and some are pretty good - except you still need to invest time on the strategies and practice.

After a long day, I'd rather sit back on a deck alone, enjoying some whiskey, reading some history books. turn off the cell phone. no dinner requests.

 
TheKid1:
Great fuckin story truly inspired by this. I love stories like this if you work hard there is always a light in the end of the tunnel. Now can you help me with my dating life ? lol

PM me. I am based off NYC. Would be happy to do skype or meet in person if I can be of any help.

"I am the hero of the story. I don't need to be saved."
 

I was given so much more than you from the beginning and yet I 'still' failed. Your post makes me realize how ungrateful I am and want to punch myself in the face twice.

Congrats and I'll let you know when I, too, succeed like you in the end, because I ain't quitting either.

Oh by the way I love your Lannnister picture. (p)imp LOL

 
Do what I gotta do:
I was given so much more than you from the beginning and yet I 'still' failed. Your post makes me realize how ungrateful I am and want to punch myself in the face twice.

Congrats and I'll let you know when I, too, succeed like you in the end, because I ain't quitting either.

Oh by the way I love your Lannnister picture. (p)imp LOL

We are going to Imp-it all the way. :)

"I am the hero of the story. I don't need to be saved."
 

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"I am the hero of the story. I don't need to be saved."
 

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