Heavy Drinkers Outlive Abstainers
"There are more old drunkards than there are old doctors..." - Benjamin Franklin
As if you needed another reason to partake in Wall Street's culture of booze (well, some of you do), a recent 20-year study has concluded that heavy drinkers live longer than people who don't drink at all. So there. You teetotalers in the crowd are probably coming up with all kinds of justifications about how this data is flawed, but you can rest assured that the researchers factored in everything. The fact is, heavy drinkers live longer.
Even though heavy drinking is associated with higher risk for cirrhosis and several types of cancer (particularly cancers in the mouth and esophagus), heavy drinkers are less likely to die than people who have never drunk. One important reason is that alcohol lubricates so many social interactions, and social interactions are vital for maintaining mental and physical health. As I pointed out last year, nondrinkers show greater signs of depression than those who allow themselves to join the party.
Drinking has always been a part of Wall Street. While three martini lunches may have gone the way of Michael Milken, drinking and socializing are still a big part of the culture. I've always been wary of people who don't drink in general, and especially wary of those on the Street who don't drink. Like Humphrey Bogart was fond of saying, "The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind."
With that in mind, I thought it might make for a few laughs if we all shared some of our most heinous drinking stories. As usual, I'll go first.
I was working out of the San Diego office of my firm for a while, and the market closes at 1:00 in the afternoon there. So one day myself and three other guys decided to head down to Tijuana after the close to spend the afternoon gambling at Caliente. Caliente kicks ass, because they'll let you bet on the stupidest shit you've ever heard of. Wanna lay a bet on competition fishing? They'll take your action.
So the four of us are down there eating, drinking, and betting on buggy races or some stupid shit for about three hours when we decide to head back to this really hot bar in La Jolla for happy hour. On our way out of Caliente, we pick up a bottle of almendrado - a cheap, amaretto-flavored tequila - for the ride home. I'll call the youngest member of our crew Ralph, for reasons that will soon become obvious.
I'm driving and I had enough to drink at Caliente, so I left the almendrado alone. The other guys passed it around the car but most of it was consumed by Ralph. By the time we got to the bar, the bottle was empty and Ralph was pretty much wasted.
I don't know why we did what we did, probably because Ralph was so drunk that he was getting annoying, but when we got in the bar we slipped the bartender a fifty to help us ruin Ralph. The place was filling up fast because happy hour was in full swing, so we were lucky to have a spot right at the bar. We told Ralph we were switching to peppermint Schnapps shooters, and he was too wrecked to argue.
Thing was, Ralph was the only one doing peppermint Schnapps shooters, as the bartender was filling our shot glasses with water. So we did one, then two, then three, and Ralph is getting really shaky. Common sense would clearly dictate what happens next, but it just so happened that common sense decided to stay late at the office that night, so we were on our own.
The fourth shot saw Ralph break out in a cold sweat. The fifth shot put him over the edge. In the middle of a packed bar, Ralph erupted like Mount Vesuvius. I mean, he wallpapered the place. He puked all over the bar, all over the bottles behind the bar, all over the ice bin behind the bar. People were screaming and scattering like Godzilla had been sighted.
My other two buddies took off like a shot, leaving me behind to cope with the quivering, puking shell of Ralph and a now very pissed off bartender. I threw a couple of twenties on the bar and dragged Ralph out of there, with him puking the whole way out. When I tried to load him into a cab, the cabbie wouldn't take him. I ended up giving him a ride home with his head hanging out the window.
And all this before 7:00 at night. Good times.
Your turn.
Comments
how heavy is "heavy"?
how heavy is "heavy"?
For the purposes of the
For the purposes of the research, a "heavy" drinker was someone who drank more than 3 alcoholic beverages per day. "Moderate" drinkers were those who drank 1-3 drinks per day, and they lived longer than anyone.
So heavy drinking isn't the optimal strategy for longevity (evidently moderate drinking is), but it sure beats sobriety.
sounds like your average
sounds like your average night out... haha!
this is full of shit
this is full of shit
Why would you be wary of
Why would you be wary of non-drinkers? That's an absolutely absurd statement. I don't drink because I think it's immoral to give my money to an industry that ruins lives. The majority of domestic abuse and violent crime is associated with persons under the influence of alcohol or alcohol and other drugs combined. The alcohol industry clearly has and continues to target youth in their promotions. Not to mention that literally millions of people are addicted to alcohol and tens of thousands of families are ruined by it each year. And tens of thousands of people are killed or severely injured by drunk drivers each year.
Frankly, I'm wary of people who need to drink their lives away because they're so uninteresting sober. Keep in mind that half or more of the United States never or almost never drinks and we've done OK for ourselves over the last 234 years.
I guess I just have a hard
I guess I just have a hard time trusting a guy who doesn't trust himself with liquor. I also find teetotalers exceeding boring and preachy.
Ah, from the guy who just
Ah, from the guy who just gave a sermon about the benefits of alcohol consumption. It's always the "other guy" who is preachy.
At least it wasn't
At least it wasn't boring!
And Edmundo has more life experience than most of us, so he is allowed to preach a little.
Work hard, play hard.
All the life experience in
All the life experience in the world doesn't make one wise.
While true, that's irrelevant
While true, that's irrelevant because Eddie's extremely wise and generally is pretty generous with his wisdom. As for something preachy to ponder:
"Wise men store up knowledge, but the mouth of a fool invites ruin."
'Nuff said.
Work hard, play hard.
1999. Late December. Post
1999. Late December. Post Christmas, pre-NYE. Rome. My buddy had been engaged to an Italian model that fall. I flew in around Thanksgiving to find a battlefield. Vesuvius, indeed...Eddie. Hell hath no fury like fine vagina scorned. She was snapping on his ass. Still no clue as to why. Long story short, he goes on a bender. Hard. We party for a month. Harder. Liquid diet does miracles and we're like two extras from Trainspotting by the time we spend Christmas dry heaving across from Circus Maximus. My boy's still shaken up, though.
A few nights later he plots the ultimate vengeance against the she-devil. Reasoning that b/c she was uber-Catholic we should go piss on the Vatican's door step, my drunken ass doesn't see any folly with his logic.
At this point the potential existence of Carabinieri files and a lack of knowledge about Italian statutes of limitations forbids me from going into detail...let's just say that to this day my boy and I share a look that says "I'm thinking about it too, but if we both ignore it hard enough it will eventually go away". No actual discussion has ever occurred on the subject, nor will it..
I haven't been to Rome or Italy since and I will never date an Italian model out of solidarity and self preservation.
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Illini, wouldn't your quote
Illini, wouldn't your quote apply to you and to the other WSO guys given that you guys are the one who throw around your so-called wisdom?
It would, too. Here is
It would, too. Here is another quote:
"A wise man's heart guides his mouth, and his lips promote instruction."
You choose not to drink and that's fine. My best friend from college was a vociferous teetotaller, but was otherwise a pretty cool guy. Bear in mind, though, that you'll be one of the few people on the street who doesn't drink. What's not cool is getting into a fight over drinking or making a big deal about your abstention as it seems you're doing.
You're free to claim it's "so-called wisdom", but Eddie has done extremely well for himself, and most reasonable people would acknowledge that as wisdom by de-facto.
When I was in college, I thought I was incredibly wise and the 25 year-olds were all totally foolish- probably like you do. My religious views also led me to believe that there's no wisdom to be gained from more worldly folks. But you grow wiser from experience and learn that other peoples' wisdom is stuff that you can still learn from- even if you may have a different view on life than they do.
Oh well, that's my take on things. You're free to call us stupid if you wish. But then I think that shows just how much wisdom you have or lack.
Work hard, play hard.
Virginia Tech 4ever
Why would you be wary of non-drinkers? That's an absolutely absurd statement. I don't drink because I think it's immoral to give my money to an industry that ruins lives. The majority of domestic abuse and violent crime is associated with persons under the influence of alcohol or alcohol and other drugs combined. The alcohol industry clearly has and continues to target youth in their promotions. Not to mention that literally millions of people are addicted to alcohol and tens of thousands of families are ruined by it each year. And tens of thousands of people are killed or severely injured by drunk drivers each year.
Frankly, I'm wary of people who need to drink their lives away because they're so uninteresting sober. Keep in mind that half or more of the United States never or almost never drinks and we've done OK for ourselves over the last 234 years.
i am weary of your stat the half or more of the united states doesn't drink, but how do you know its not the drinking half that is the reason for america's continued success?
if you read the article it says that non-drinkers tend to be lower socioecomically than drinkers.
I drink a couple of beers
I drink a couple of beers every now and then with my boyfriend. Helps us relax and shoot the breeze from a long, stressful week.
I wouldn't think heavy drinking is advisable, but moderate drinking can be fine. I don't judge those who drink or those who choose not to drink because I think everyone is entitled to make their own individual choices about their lives and how they choose to conduct themselves.
So, if you like having a couple of beers, go for it...and if not, that's okay, too.
Virginia Tech 4ever
First off, VA-Tech, I would
looking for that pick-me-up to power through an all-nighter?
See, this is why I don't
Work hard, play hard.
Agree with Edmundo - Don't
Oh,there are ways around
Work hard, play hard.
I never get along with people
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Yeah, yeah. You don't get
Work hard, play hard.
You probably shouldn't be
Five beers as in bottles or
Work hard, play hard.
Virginia Tech 4ever
Look, everybody has their own
Work hard, play hard.
Please tell me there's more
Seriously. No one? Not one of
Ummm, six beers is pretty
Work hard, play hard.
jos.a.bankhard wrote: Please
One time I downed four pints
Work hard, play hard.
IlliniProgrammer wrote: Ummm,
Edmundo Braverman
I was walking home from a
I'm on a 24 hour champagne
Here is my .02 cents. I find
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Virginia Tech 4ever
Want to hear a good one? Last
...
I drink but i drink to be
jos.a.bankhard wrote: Please
I am with the drinkers on
Quick Stories: 1. As a house
I was in Virginia Beach with
^^^ that is too funny. One of
LOL Great stories guys. Glad
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hahahaha Proforma not
Me and some buddies in my
^^^ THAT'S more like it. You
I'll refrain from telling my