7/18/12

It's midsummer in the city and the vaunted investment banking group outings are upon us. It's time to loosen the cravat and enjoy the smell of steamy, urine-coated Manhattan concrete while kicking back a few with your fellow indentured servants. Whether you're lucky enough to be invited to the group head's Hamptons retreat or you're slumming it at a roped-off section of the Ace Hotel Lobby Bar, one thing's for sure: you're getting after it at the summer party. But what does your libation say about you? See if these quintessential banker quaffs fit the personalities of people you may know:

    The Bud Light
    Congratulations, you've realized early on that banking is like a frat house with more computers and fewer girls. The Bud Light guy is focused on Drinkability - that is, slamming as many beers as possible before heading out to get his fist-pump on at Joshua Tree with his sweet college bros. On the weekends, you're rolling into the office with mesh shorts and a curled, frayed-brim UNC cap. "Let's order Lenny's. So hungover, bro. So hungover." Keep it real, big guy.

    The Stella Artois
    You're a papercut above Heineken but for some reason you just can't quit the distinct piss flavor of this vaguely European lager with a faux-import feel. The Stella guy appears more reserved and polished than the Bud Light guy, but peel back the shitty paper seal and they're basically the same. The only difference is the Stella guy is likely to be found talking up his "amazing" abroad experience in Barcelona and rattling off the list of obscure German beers he tried at Oktoberfest. There's an air of douche about this guy but he's not necessarily obnoxious - just a little clueless. Someone should gently remind him that green bottles are for Sprite.

    The Jack & Coke
    Similar to the Bud Light but more dedicated to the cause of getting fucked up. Similar to the Gin & Tonic girl, the Jack & Coke guy is guaranteed to be hammered before it's appropriate, and will likely be found in K-Town later that night, arm draped over a buddy and stumbling into the nearest karaoke joint. The Jack & Coke guy is a fun time to be around, but tends to be a bit of a mess and is a 50/50 risk to boot all over the back seat of a cab before the night's over. You probably won't be able to keep up with him, and you probably don't want to.

    The Dry Martini
    The Martini guy is your classic office snob. He is usually being made fun of right to his face but is completely oblivious to it, because he is convinced he is a simply above everyone else. Martini guy drops the words "elegant" and "sophisticated" like he's writing an article for Bazaar. You don't want to hang out with this cufflinked creep - he spent the last few months taking notes on Mad Men and he'll be off to Pegu Club later this evening to hit on women his mother's age.

    The Tequila Shots
    One thing describes the Tequila Shots guy: confident. As in, confident that he is getting fired soon, or confident that he is untouchable. Either way, he knows that getting completely shitcanned with coworkers is no problemo. Tequila Shots guy is down to get rowdy and his chaotic approach to the New York scene always makes for an interesting night out. This is the guy everyone wants to hang out with. He's a complete mess and is wildly entertaining every step of the way. If you end up going out drinking with this guy, don't go alone, or you may wake up the next morning and have no recollection of doing this:

Comments (53)

7/18/12

Jack and coke ftw. Gotta keep it a diet coke though, so I can keep my girlish figure ;).

I'll have my own damn fun no matter what.

7/18/12

I live by the 3 J's in this order:

Johnnie
Jim
Jack

Here to learn and hopefully pass on some knowledge as well. SB if I helped.

7/18/12

I'm glad(should I be?) to say that I've graduated from Stella guy to Tequila shots guy. Some douchebaggery remains, however.

Equities are for chumps.

7/18/12

I used to roll jack and cokes...and shots.

now I stick with just straight jack on the rocks or a nice scotch. Does that make me like Martini guy? I hope not.

7/18/12

Maybe we should make this a handout for the WSO Conference After party? http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/event/wso-conferenc...

7/18/12

lol where does gin and tonic fall?

7/18/12

Speaking in overly broad terms, the female equivalent to Jack & Coke

7/18/12
<a href=http://tinyurl.com/3zap9yh rel=nofollow>John Rolfe</a>:

lol where does gin and tonic fall?

Where does gin & tonic with tequila shots mixed in fall?

"One should recognize reality even when one doesn't like it, indeed, especially when one doesn't like it." - Charlie Munger

7/18/12
<a href=http://tinyurl.com/3zap9yh rel=nofollow>John Rolfe</a>:

lol where does gin and tonic fall?

"Clear alcohol is for rich women on diets" - Ron Swanson

Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?

7/18/12
sayandarula:
<a href=http://tinyurl.com/3zap9yh rel=nofollow>John Rolfe</a>:

lol where does gin and tonic fall?

"Clear alcohol is for rich women on diets" - Ron Swanson

lol I thought gin and tonic was an old man's drink

7/19/12
sayandarula:
<a href=http://tinyurl.com/3zap9yh rel=nofollow>John Rolfe</a>:

lol where does gin and tonic fall?

"Clear alcohol is for rich women on diets" - Ron Swanson

I wouldn't say I'm rich or dieting. But my typical vodka lime and soda might have subconscious aspirational qualities.

7/18/12

it's not what you drink it's how you drink it

1. oh, looks like you're drinking who-knows-what brand in a koozie, no biggie

vs:

2. BRO HOLD UP I'MA SHOTGUN A NATTY WITH YOU BRO, HAND ME THOSE KEYS LETS GO, BOOM 3.2 SECONDS TFM BRO

7/18/12

Lately just not drinking at all. If/when I do, a Heineken, Guinness, or glass of wine is really all it takes, maybe two. Years ago, it was Yeungling and Jameson (Miller Lt too) until the bar closed, get some sleep, go to work, go to the bar, do it again....but it just got really old and I don't even talk to most of my old friends.

Just to mess with people, I'll sip Chartreuse, but only sometimes....it's fun to get made fun of and challenge someone to do shots of it. Watching them hallucinate fifteen minutes later is worth the $7.

Get busy living

7/18/12
UFOinsider:

Just to mess with people, I'll sip Chartreuse, but only sometimes....it's fun to get made fun of and challenge someone to do shots of it. Watching them hallucinate fifteen minutes later is worth the $7.

Never had it. Similar to absinthe?

Making money is art and working is art and good business is the best art - Andy Warhol

7/18/12
dwight schrute:
UFOinsider:

Just to mess with people, I'll sip Chartreuse, but only sometimes....it's fun to get made fun of and challenge someone to do shots of it. Watching them hallucinate fifteen minutes later is worth the $7.

Never had it. Similar to absinthe?

Not really, try it sometime....but sip it, it's a mild hallicinagenic and everyone's reaction varies in intensity :)

Get busy living

7/18/12
UFOinsider:
dwight schrute:
UFOinsider:

Just to mess with people, I'll sip Chartreuse, but only sometimes....it's fun to get made fun of and challenge someone to do shots of it. Watching them hallucinate fifteen minutes later is worth the $7.

Never had it. Similar to absinthe?

Not really, try it sometime....but sip it, it's a mild hallicinagenic and everyone's reaction varies in intensity :)

Alright thanks for the pointer

Making money is art and working is art and good business is the best art - Andy Warhol

7/18/12

whiskey on the rocks please

WSO's COO (Chief Operating Orangutan) | My story | My Linkedin

PM me if you're traveling to Buenos Aires in 2016 (I live here) :-)

7/18/12

Used to be the Jack & Coke guy.
Now I only drink whiskey straight up.

"I am the hero of the story. I don't need to be saved."

7/18/12

What about Jagerbombs? And Absinthe? and Vodka Mixers? And vodka with redbull? And Bourbon with coke? And Southern Comfort?

That's what the guys I know drink.

All not appropriate choices?

7/18/12
Aimez:

What about Jagerbombs?

I think that should be added to the list. And/or Heineken.

Who can forget this classic gem:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5QJ9i_o5vo

Sometimes I go about in pity for myself, and all the while a great wind carries me across the sky
7/18/12

redbull vodka means you're totally extreme dude.

Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?

7/19/12

Vodka redbull / vodka lemon

To the starving man, beans are caviar

7/19/12

I see no option for high-quality scotch or classic cocktails (old-fashioned, manhattan, etc.)

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." - George Bernard Shaw

7/19/12

Post is a list of drinks not to drink (unfortunately makes you sound like an extremely judgmental douche-bag) -- so my question to you, god of the nectar's, what should we drink?

7/19/12

Straight vodka on the rocks with no douched-out mix-ins.

7/19/12
FormerHornetDriver:

Straight vodka on the rocks with no douched-out mix-ins.

i personally prefer Bacardi 151 in a beer glass... none of that pussy "on the rocks" shit.

Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?

7/19/12
sayandarula:
FormerHornetDriver:

Straight vodka on the rocks with no douched-out mix-ins.

i personally prefer Bacardi 151 in a beer glass... none of that pussy "on the rocks" shit.

You like warm booze? Da fuq?

Get busy living

7/19/12
UFOinsider:
sayandarula:
FormerHornetDriver:

Straight vodka on the rocks with no douched-out mix-ins.

i personally prefer Bacardi 151 in a beer glass... none of that pussy "on the rocks" shit.

You like warm booze? Da fuq?

no, i prefer a frozen sweet sugary margarita with a giant umbrella in it. but all this talk about liquor on the rocks makes me feel less manly so i made that bit about bacardi 151 up.

Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?

7/19/12

When I see people drinking Miller Lite it makes me SICK. They are worse than Hitler.

7/19/12

Gin and Tonic, Jack and Coke, Tequilla, Long Islands, and house brew.

7/19/12

thread makes me think none of you actually drink.

7/19/12

Micro brew guy here.

7/19/12

Beer.

Metal. Music. Life. www.headofmetal.com

7/19/12

summer - TNT
winter - 7&7

7/19/12

Clearly this is a faulty list. I'd point out all the flaws, but lets just say it goes without saying that you miss all the good stuff...

7/19/12

What does it say if I drink primarily white russians, but also rum and coke depending on the day?

Also, all beers are pretty awful to me...

7/20/12

Cheap irish whiskey. The cheaper, the better...

7/21/12

description of Stella is spot on.
me and a few friends that all studied abroad in some european country all came back only drinking stella/other import e. european beer. and we would never shut up about the times we 'had pints of stella/guiness/etc because its the local beer, just like bud in america' at the uni's pub to our american friends back home. .....looking back we were so obnoxious.

7/23/12
she_monkey:

description of Stella is spot on.
me and a few friends that all studied abroad in some european country all came back only drinking stella/other import e. european beer. and we would never shut up about the times we 'had pints of stella/guiness/etc because its the local beer, just like bud in america' at the uni's pub to our american friends back home. .....looking back we were so obnoxious.

I did this as well, looking back i was such a tool..

7/21/12

And where does wine fall? I love red wine, but white will do also.

7/23/12

Microbrews or whiskey straight at bars

Tequila or LIITs at clubs

7/23/12

H20, Neat.

7/23/12
Connor:

H20, Neat.

With a little umbrella?

Sometimes I go about in pity for myself, and all the while a great wind carries me across the sky
7/23/12
Going Concern:
Connor:

H20, Neat.

With a little umbrella?

Not even when it's raining.

7/23/12

Woodford on the rocks.

7/25/12
slowdive:

Woodford on the rocks.

yes. Woodford may actually buy a sponsorship with WSO soon...fingers crossed, because I think it would be a great match :-)

7/24/12

WHERE DOES WINE FALL???? I'm Chardonnay guy.

7/25/12

What would scotch or cognac on the rocks say about a man?

"Well, you know, I was a human being before I became a businessman." -- George Soros

8/23/12

Man - Awesome again. Laughed at the tekila guy...

You miss one guy:

"The IPA beer guy" the type that know e.v.e.r.y. s.i.n.g.l.e. independent brewery out there...

"Whenever you feel like criticizing any one...just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had."

'The Great Gatsby' - F. Scott Fitzgerald

9/6/12

Stella Artois is the wifebeater's drink in England.

9/10/12
11/18/12
11/23/12
Add a Comment
WallStreet Prep Master Financial Modeling