What Does Your Drink Say About You?
It’s midsummer in the city and the vaunted investment banking group outings are upon us. It’s time to loosen the cravat and enjoy the smell of steamy, urine-coated Manhattan concrete while kicking back a few with your fellow indentured servants. Whether you’re lucky enough to be invited to the group head’s Hamptons retreat or you’re slumming it at a roped-off section of the Ace Hotel Lobby Bar, one thing’s for sure: you’re getting after it at the summer party. But what does your libation say about you? See if these quintessential banker quaffs fit the personalities of people you may know:
The Bud Light
Congratulations, you’ve realized early on that banking is like a frat house with more computers and fewer girls. The Bud Light guy is focused on Drinkability – that is, slamming as many beers as possible before heading out to get his fist-pump on at Joshua Tree with his sweet college bros. On the weekends, you’re rolling into the office with mesh shorts and a curled, frayed-brim UNC cap. “Let’s order Lenny’s. So hungover, bro. So hungover.” Keep it real, big guy.
The Stella Artois
You’re a papercut above Heineken but for some reason you just can’t quit the distinct piss flavor of this vaguely European lager with a faux-import feel. The Stella guy appears more reserved and polished than the Bud Light guy, but peel back the shitty paper seal and they’re basically the same. The only difference is the Stella guy is likely to be found talking up his “amazing” abroad experience in Barcelona and rattling off the list of obscure German beers he tried at Oktoberfest. There’s an air of douche about this guy but he’s not necessarily obnoxious – just a little clueless. Someone should gently remind him that green bottles are for Sprite.
The Jack & Coke
Similar to the Bud Light but more dedicated to the cause of getting fucked up. Similar to the Gin & Tonic girl, the Jack & Coke guy is guaranteed to be hammered before it’s appropriate, and will likely be found in K-Town later that night, arm draped over a buddy and stumbling into the nearest karaoke joint. The Jack & Coke guy is a fun time to be around, but tends to be a bit of a mess and is a 50/50 risk to boot all over the back seat of a cab before the night’s over. You probably won’t be able to keep up with him, and you probably don’t want to.
The Dry Martini
The Martini guy is your classic office snob. He is usually being made fun of right to his face but is completely oblivious to it, because he is convinced he is a simply above everyone else. Martini guy drops the words “elegant” and “sophisticated” like he’s writing an article for Bazaar. You don’t want to hang out with this cufflinked creep – he spent the last few months taking notes on Mad Men and he’ll be off to Pegu Club later this evening to hit on women his mother’s age.
The Tequila Shots
One thing describes the Tequila Shots guy: confident. As in, confident that he is getting fired soon, or confident that he is untouchable. Either way, he knows that getting completely shitcanned with coworkers is no problemo. Tequila Shots guy is down to get rowdy and his chaotic approach to the New York scene always makes for an interesting night out. This is the guy everyone wants to hang out with. He’s a complete mess and is wildly entertaining every step of the way. If you end up going out drinking with this guy, don’t go alone, or you may wake up the next morning and have no recollection of doing this:







Comments
Jack and coke ftw. Gotta keep
Jack and coke ftw. Gotta keep it a diet coke though, so I can keep my girlish figure ;).
I'll have my own damn fun no matter what.
I live by the 3 J's in this
I live by the 3 J's in this order:
Johnnie
Jim
Jack
Here to learn and hopefully pass on some knowledge as well. SB if I helped.
I'm glad(should I be?) to say
I'm glad(should I be?) to say that I've graduated from Stella guy to Tequila shots guy. Some douchebaggery remains, however.
I used to roll jack and
I used to roll jack and cokes...and shots.
now I stick with just straight jack on the rocks or a nice scotch. Does that make me like Martini guy? I hope not.
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Maybe we should make this a handout for the WSO Conference After party? http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/event/wso-conferenc...
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lol where does gin and tonic
lol where does gin and tonic fall?
Speaking in overly broad
Speaking in overly broad terms, the female equivalent to Jack & Coke
See my other WSO blog posts
it's not what you drink it's
it's not what you drink it's how you drink it
1. oh, looks like you're drinking who-knows-what brand in a koozie, no biggie
vs:
2. BRO HOLD UP I'MA SHOTGUN A NATTY WITH YOU BRO, HAND ME THOSE KEYS LETS GO, BOOM 3.2 SECONDS TFM BRO
John Rolfe: lol where does
lol where does gin and tonic fall?
Where does gin & tonic with tequila shots mixed in fall?
"One should recognize reality even when one doesn't like it, indeed, especially when one doesn't like it." - Charlie Munger
John Rolfe: lol where does
lol where does gin and tonic fall?
"Clear alcohol is for rich women on diets" - Ron Swanson
Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?
Lately just not drinking at
Lately just not drinking at all. If/when I do, a Heineken, Guinness, or glass of wine is really all it takes, maybe two. Years ago, it was Yeungling and Jameson (Miller Lt too) until the bar closed, get some sleep, go to work, go to the bar, do it again....but it just got really old and I don't even talk to most of my old friends.
Just to mess with people, I'll sip Chartreuse, but only sometimes....it's fun to get made fun of and challenge someone to do shots of it. Watching them hallucinate fifteen minutes later is worth the $7.
I notice that the older I am the more I sound like Illini Programer
- accountingbyday
sayandarula: John
lol where does gin and tonic fall?
"Clear alcohol is for rich women on diets" - Ron Swanson
lol I thought gin and tonic was an old man's drink
whiskey on the rocks please
whiskey on the rocks please
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Used to be the Jack & Coke
Used to be the Jack & Coke guy.
Now I only drink whiskey straight up.
"I am the hero of the story. I don't need to be saved."
What about Jagerbombs? And
What about Jagerbombs? And Absinthe? and Vodka Mixers? And vodka with redbull? And Bourbon with coke? And Southern Comfort?
That's what the guys I know drink.
All not appropriate choices?
redbull vodka means you're
Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?
UFOinsider: Just to mess with
Making money is art and working is art and good business is the best art - Andy Warhol
Aimez: What about
You have to play the game to find out why you're playing the game.
dwight
I notice that the older I am the more I sound like Illini Programer
- accountingbyday
UFOinsider: dwight
Making money is art and working is art and good business is the best art - Andy Warhol
Vodka redbull / vodka lemon
To the starving man, beans are caviar
I see no option for
"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it." - George Bernard Shaw
sayandarula: John
Post is a list of drinks not
Straight vodka on the rocks
When I see people drinking
Gin and Tonic, Jack and Coke,
FormerHornetDriver: Straight
Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?
thread makes me think none of
Micro brew guy here.
Beer.
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sayandarula: FormerHornetDr
I notice that the older I am the more I sound like Illini Programer
- accountingbyday
summer - TNT winter - 7&7
UFOinsider: sayandarula:
Money Never Sleeps? More like Money Never SUCKS amirite?!?!?!?
Clearly this is a faulty
What does it say if I drink
Cheap irish whiskey. The
description of Stella is spot
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And where does wine fall? I
Microbrews or whiskey
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she_monkey: description of
H20, Neat.
"A man generally has two reasons for doing anything. One that sounds good, and the real one." - J.P. Morgan
Connor: H20, Neat. With a
You have to play the game to find out why you're playing the game.
Woodford on the rocks.
Going Concern: Connor: H20,
"A man generally has two reasons for doing anything. One that sounds good, and the real one." - J.P. Morgan
WHERE DOES WINE FALL???? I'm
slowdive: Woodford on the
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What would scotch or cognac
"Well, you know, I was a human being before I became a businessman." -- George Soros
Man - Awesome again. Laughed
"Whenever you feel like criticizing any one...just remember that all the people in this world haven't had the advantages that you've had."
'The Great Gatsby' - F. Scott Fitzgerald
Stella Artois is the
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