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This idea was discussed within a comment thread a couple month ago but I thought it deserved its own thread just because of how awesome it is.

I wanted to share with you guys a tip that is virtually guaranteed to improve your interviews.

Here's what you do:
1. Arrive at interview location about 15 minutes early
2. Greet the receptionist, hang up coat, etc.
3. Ask to use the men's room
4. Take a shit

Sounds simple enough, right? What's the point, you ask? The fact is when you walk in for an interview you're on foreign ground, their turf. This is an away game for you. Ask any sports team: it's always tough to win on the road.

But when you stride into the company restroom and drop a huge deuce, you have essentially turned the tables. At this point, you subconsciously feel like you own the place. You relax, you let your guard down. When you get back to reception feeling right at home, you start to wonder if the lobby furniture actually might be yours. And as we all know, the more yourself you are, the more relaxed and confident you are, the better you do on your interviews.

I am absolutely serious about this, by the way. I tried to present it in kind of a funny way, but that's not to say it doesn't work like a charm every time. Just make sure you're not trailing any TP from your shoe.

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Comments (112)

  • BigFatPanda's picture

    You're a genius. I recommend making some grunting noises while you're dropping the Deuce McAllister.

    Seriously, I'm going to do this the next interview I have. May need to get there 25 minutes early, though. Banana for you.

  • Monkeyman2's picture

    I can see some risks attached to that:

    1) What if it turns into a sloppy shit. Then you really have problems. 15 minutes just may not give you enough time to deal with that sort of thing.
    2) The double-shit. You finish shitting, whipe, finally get your tie fixed and shirt tucked in, belt done, and realize, I have to continue shitting. You can't say you've never experienced it, and again, serious time crunch.

    Not saying it doesn't sound like a good plan. But you better hope it goes smoothly.

  • In reply to Monkeyman2
    youngblood's picture

    Monkeyman2:
    I can see some risks attached to that:

    1) What if it turns into a sloppy shit. Then you really have problems. 15 minutes just may not give you enough time to deal with that sort of thing.
    2) The double-shit. You finish shitting, whipe, finally get your tie fixed and shirt tucked in, belt done, and realize, I have to continue shitting. You can't say you've never experienced it, and again, serious time crunch.

    Not saying it doesn't sound like a good plan. But you better hope it goes smoothly.

    hahaha well said. You can't overlook the sloppy turds that can take an entire roll...and that double shit happens just when you don't want it to happen, like at a damn job interview. Don't risk it.

  • rooster's picture

    I was actually introduced to the process while interviewing at Goldman. After stashing my topcoat in the secret behind-the-wall closet, the receptionist gave me the code for the men's room and told me to take my time - clearly she wanted me to go in and pinch a loaf.

    No one came in while I was making the shit, but I feel like this would be an ultimate success if your interviewer happened to come in to take a piss at the same time while you're dropping a burly deuce. That way, as he was washing his hands at the sink, he would be able to see you in the mirror as you emerge victorious from the stall and begin to urinate around the perimeter of the restroom.

    He would stand helpless, realizing that he just released his urine into the toilet and has no way to combat the territory-marking that you have just done. Shaking his head in disappointment, he would exit the restroom knowing that he was just pwn3d by some random guy he's never seen before. Upon finding out that you are in fact the interviewee, his subconscious primal realization will be that you are in fact the alpha male, and he is in no place to deny you the job you seek.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolfpack
    Buyside strongside

  • Brink's picture

    Thinking back on my interview experiences, I had 4 or 5 superdays, and the ONLY place that gave me an offer, was the ONLY place where I started off by doing exactly this. Nice.

  • In reply to Monkeyman2
    rooster's picture

    Monkeyman2:
    I can see some risks attached to that:

    1) What if it turns into a sloppy shit. Then you really have problems. 15 minutes just may not give you enough time to deal with that sort of thing.
    2) The double-shit. You finish shitting, whipe, finally get your tie fixed and shirt tucked in, belt done, and realize, I have to continue shitting. You can't say you've never experienced it, and again, serious time crunch.

    Not saying it doesn't sound like a good plan. But you better hope it goes smoothly.

    1) whipe??? WTF is a whipe
    2) to avoid a sloppy shit, you do not shit for the previous 3 days. yes, this sounds grueling, but will ensure that your deuce makes a bowl entry that will echo throughout the entire building, rattling the plumbing structure to the core and sending the message to everyone that you have arrived. it will also be a ghost poop with 99% probability requiring no whiping (sic) which will save time in case the aforementioned "double-shit" occurs
    3) you are correct in the assertion that you have no defense against the double-shit. if you believe in a god, pray. otherwise, build in an extra 10-15 minutes to account for the possibility of this

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolfpack
    Buyside strongside

  • JustNumbers's picture

    Jhoratio, I couldn't agree more with you. Though I haven't taken the Browns to the Superbowl before an interview, I have always made a point to "drop the kids off at the pool" on my first day at a new job. I feel like the king of my castle afterward.

  • In reply to rooster
    Bodhis's picture

    rooster:
    Shaking his head in disappointment, he would exit the restroom knowing that he was just pwn3d by some random guy he's never seen before. Upon finding out that you are in fact the interviewee, his subconscious primal realization will be that you are in fact the alpha male, and he is in no place to deny you the job you seek.

    ha, nicely put.

  • In reply to Monkeyman2
    BigFatPanda's picture

    Monkeyman2:
    I can see some risks attached to that:

    1) What if it turns into a sloppy shit. Then you really have problems. 15 minutes just may not give you enough time to deal with that sort of thing.
    2) The double-shit. You finish shitting, whipe, finally get your tie fixed and shirt tucked in, belt done, and realize, I have to continue shitting. You can't say you've never experienced it, and again, serious time crunch.

    Not saying it doesn't sound like a good plan. But you better hope it goes smoothly.

    Easy solution, gentlemen. You MUST eat oatmeal for breakfast the week of the interview, or for at least 3 days prior. Drinking coffee in the morning, is OK, but a cup of tea is even better for firming it up...

    I concur that extra time is a must. Also make sure you are drinking enough water, and eating a high-protein diet. You want to be at peak performance level.

    What did the B-ball player on Van Wilder call it? A "Pre-Game Dump?"

  • In reply to rooster
    BigFatPanda's picture

    rooster:
    I was actually introduced to the process while interviewing at Goldman. After stashing my topcoat in the secret behind-the-wall closet, the receptionist gave me the code for the men's room and told me to take my time - clearly she wanted me to go in and pinch a loaf.

    No one came in while I was making the shit, but I feel like this would be an ultimate success if your interviewer happened to come in to take a piss at the same time while you're dropping a burly deuce. That way, as he was washing his hands at the sink, he would be able to see you in the mirror as you emerge victorious from the stall and begin to urinate around the perimeter of the restroom.

    He would stand helpless, realizing that he just released his urine into the toilet and has no way to combat the territory-marking that you have just done. Shaking his head in disappointment, he would exit the restroom knowing that he was just pwn3d by some random guy he's never seen before. Upon finding out that you are in fact the interviewee, his subconscious primal realization will be that you are in fact the alpha male, and he is in no place to deny you the job you seek.

    That was the funniest thing I have EVER read on WSO!! You might also consider dropping the Upper Deck:

    See definition # 2: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=upp...

  • kalice123's picture

    this is absolutely, by far, THE worst interview advice i have EVER come across. why don't you just take a shit on the MD's desk then. what do you think the receptionist, recruiting coordinator, and possibly your first interviewer will be wondering while they look at their watch 15 minutes after you've gone into the bathroom? what, subsequently, do you think they will think when you finally emerge, with your shirt half untucked and pants wrinkled, and extend your hand for the very first handshake?

  • rooster's picture

    ^^^n00b

    Your post shows your tremendous ignorance of proper interview practices, as well as life in general. I would also strongly recommend reading the bestselling children's book "Everybody Poops".

    We also made a few key assumptions that, as indicated by your post, you must be the exception to:

    1) The receptionist, recruiting coordinator, and interviewer have read and are familiar with the book "Everybody Poops"
    2) The interviewee has been properly trained on how to fully tuck in a shirt after taking a shit. It is inherently a very similar process to tucking in a shirt while getting dressed
    3) The interviewee is wearing one if his nicer suits to the interview. Such suit will not receive pants wrinklage from sitting on the toilet unless purchased at Men's Warehouse
    4) Post-shit, the interviewee washes his hands

    You are a nasty, nasty person. How dare you not wash your hands after you poop.

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolfpack
    Buyside strongside

  • Ben Shalom Bernanke's picture

    One of the filthier threads on WSO ever.

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  • jhoratio's picture

    JustNumbers, Ha ha, "taking the Browns to the Superbowl" is unbelievable. I've never heard that before. With your permission, I'm going to use that from now on. One I came up with myself is "making a deposit at fifth/turd bank."

    I'm just laughing at Kalice though at his mental image of someone coming out of the bathroom. Dude, it's not like you just got in a fight. Maybe you break out in a full sweat, wipe with your palms and then crawl out the bathroom on your hands and knees when you shit, but the rest of the human race is able to manage OK and still look and smell presentable.

  • BigFatPanda's picture

    Aside, has anyone ever forgotten to roll their sleeve back down when going back in the office? Never done it, but almost.....

  • In reply to rooster
    sofib09's picture

    rooster:

    You are a nasty, nasty person. How dare you not wash your hands after you poop.

    You tell him, rooster.

  • youngblood's picture

    holy shit i have a turtle head popping out after all this.

    fifth/turd bank ha ha haa awesome

  • darwins monkey's picture

    kalice, to show how wrong your comment is I will unveil my shop's interview process - from the other side. When a prospy walks in, our receptionist is instructed to take the person's coat and ask if he/she needs to use the restroom. There are a few subsequent scenarios:

    1) You say no - This suggests you had the foresight to shit before you arrived - good attention to detail, but it's not as ballsy as scenario 3, so consider this a wash (neutral)
    2) You say yes and go piss - If the candidate returns from the bathroom in under 5 minutes he/she is instantly dinged (see #4 for an addendum to this point). We do not disclose this immediately, instead we continue with the interview, but this candidate has no shot (fail)
    3) You say yes and close the deal - Candidate waltzes back from the bathroom after a 10 minute ceremonial dump. Not only does the pre-interview provide confidence, but it gives your face a unique glow. Everyone at the firm instantly knows what went down and you sir are in. (thumbs up)
    4) Addendum to #2 - if you are a chick and dump on our territory you are dinged. We appreciate your boldness but look for foresightedness from our female candidates. (....)

    Don't judge me, I don't make the rules. Also, make sure you're friendly to the receptionists at your interviews. For us, she makes the ultimate decision. Think about this, if she likes you, she can lie to the rest of the group and say you took 10 minutes...

  • rooster's picture

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bristol_Stool_Scale

    I personally aim to drop a Type 4 or Type 5 during the pre-interview deuce - both types strike the optimal balance considering they are unlikely to cause toilet clogging, easy to pass, and minimize wiping

    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolfpack
    Buyside strongside

  • M-001's picture

    The first 4 comments had me laughing out loud in the middle of class... seriously

    hahah

    "I feel like this would be an ultimate success if your interviewer happened to come in to take a piss at the same time while you're dropping a burly deuce. That way, as he was washing his hands at the sink, he would be able to see you in the mirror as you emerge victorious from the stall and begin to urinate around the perimeter of the restroom."

    Classic..

  • Koho's picture

    Just spend five minutes laughing out loud at all these posts, unbelievable.

  • LookingForHelp's picture

    On a serious note here, I always drop a deuce prior to my interviews. It actually does help you relax, and I've received a handful of offers starting my interviews with this ritual. Real talk.

  • In reply to rooster
    adapt or die's picture

    rooster:
    [1) whipe??? WTF is a whipe

    haha is that 18th century english or what

    The upper decker is a win-win for you, either you get an offer and you're happy OR you get rejected and you got those fuckers good

  • BigFatPanda's picture

    Why thank you. I think it is important to note that one should allow 30 full minutes before the interview if attempting the upper deck. I say attempting because this is a multi-step process and should be done with extreme care. For example, (depending on the toiled) you may have to remove your shoes, pants, boxer shorts, and possibly replace the shoes before attempting the upper deck., in order to make sure they stay clean and dry.It would help to procure a hanger from the closet upon hanging up your coat, but that may look suspicious to the receptionist.

    I totally agree that the Upper Decker is a Win/Win Scenario for you as an interviewer.

    Overall, the strategy seem to be a perfect way to take your mind off the interview at hand-- just enough distraction before the interview so you don't sound so damn rehearsed, obsessed, and nervous. Seriously, who doesn't smile after dropping the Deuce-and-a Half in one of those marble-and-granite banker bathrooms with the automatic soap dispensers?

  • whats-the-damage's picture

    From personal experience, the success of this strategy depends on the success of the poop. A 3 or 4 on the bristol scale will get you Goldman TMT.... when you're interviewing at Piper Jaffray. True story.

    Takeaway: eat your fiber.

  • In reply to rooster
    Beef's picture

    rooster:
    I was actually introduced to the process while interviewing at Goldman. After stashing my topcoat in the secret behind-the-wall closet, the receptionist gave me the code for the men's room and told me to take my time - clearly she wanted me to go in and pinch a loaf.

    No one came in while I was making the shit, but I feel like this would be an ultimate success if your interviewer happened to come in to take a piss at the same time while you're dropping a burly deuce. That way, as he was washing his hands at the sink, he would be able to see you in the mirror as you emerge victorious from the stall and begin to urinate around the perimeter of the restroom.

    He would stand helpless, realizing that he just released his urine into the toilet and has no way to combat the territory-marking that you have just done. Shaking his head in disappointment, he would exit the restroom knowing that he was just pwn3d by some random guy he's never seen before. Upon finding out that you are in fact the interviewee, his subconscious primal realization will be that you are in fact the alpha male, and he is in no place to deny you the job you seek.

    I just gave you my last banana because this was the most epic and hilarious post I have ever read on WSO.

    Wall Street leaders now understand that they made a mistake, one born of their innocent and trusting nature. They trusted ordinary Americans to behave more responsibly than they themselves ever would, and these ordinary Americans betrayed their trust.

  • Machine's picture

    Excellent idea! Really funny too.

  • dagro's picture

    "ghost poop" - that's good.

    =========================================
    "... then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."

  • milken's picture

    Hands down one of funniest thread I have read on WSO

  • SirBankalot's picture

    Corollary: Don't wash your hands after you take the shit. That way, once you shake the MD's hand and he starts eating his sandwich snack, you'll practically own his intestines as well.

  • JulesWinnfield's picture

    I have been browsing this site for quite some time now, and this post finally gave me reason to create an account and post up. This is one of the funniest threads I've read on WSO.

  • BigFatPanda's picture

    Wow, Boomstick. That really "firms up" my resolve of how I will go about my next interview (no pun intended). I think I have a superday next week, and I'm already planning my meals accordingly. As I stated above, I'm confident that oatmeal and tea will help you avoid the aftershock scenario you described. Combine that breakfast with a cup of Starbucks on the way to the office, and you should be golden.

    Contemplation: do you think the success in the interviews is a result being more relaxed? I mean, you can't drop the burly Deuce-point-5 when you're tense, right? So the act of getting relaxed must help before the interview. Combine that with the monumental confidence boost of marking your territory that Rooster mentioned, and you are guaranteed a Buddha-like, zen-level interview performance, similar to Jack Nicklaus at the 86 Masters.

    Additional observations: I've started pwn3d'ing the toilet in the mens locker room before my workouts this week, and I've noticed a definite increase in workout intensity, mental focus, self-confidence, and smiles from chicks. I flatly suggest that you guys save up a nice deuce for your hardest workout days, particularly leg day.

    By the way, I can't Rock the Hoop now without thinking of this thread.

  • Beef's picture

    OK, I am completely serious about what I am about to say. I read this post again last night and thought it was hilarious. Then I went to sleep.

    Then I had a dream... I was interviewing with the Soros fund, and in the interview room I was wearing a suit and sitting down in a toilet, pants down and taking a dump. There were like 20 people from the fund there, as well as other interns, and I was super confident because I was taking a dump. It made no sense.

    Thanks WSO, for invading my dreams with this weird shit (literally).

    Wall Street leaders now understand that they made a mistake, one born of their innocent and trusting nature. They trusted ordinary Americans to behave more responsibly than they themselves ever would, and these ordinary Americans betrayed their trust.

  • M-001's picture

    I am still debating on whether or not I would be able to do this...... Im not so sure I would

    However, I AM still amazed with the "results" that people have received after doing this... haha

  • Monkeyman2's picture

    While I still cite my originial concerns, after reading all the posts on this thread I am about 70% sure that I may attempt the pre-interview dump at my next couple of interviews. You can't argue with these success rates.

  • M-001's picture

    Lol.. would be best at a small bank. Small office with one bathroom is guaranteed to get you noticed.. which would lead to the scenario rooster set up:

    "That way, as he [the interviewer] was washing his hands at the sink, he would be able to see you in the mirror as you emerge victorious from the stall and begin to urinate around the perimeter of the restroom."

  • Lakerol's picture

    Just like in the thread about learning a foreign language for getting a job and someone suggest Esperanto.
    Sure, that'll help!

  • Spin Control's picture

    I got the feeling that anyone who doesn't read WSO is going to be wondering why all of their SA interviewees are suddenly tying up the bathroom on superdays.

  • In reply to rooster
    poormonkeynomoney's picture

    rooster:
    Monkeyman2:
    I can see some risks attached to that:

    1) What if it turns into a sloppy shit. Then you really have problems. 15 minutes just may not give you enough time to deal with that sort of thing.
    2) The double-shit. You finish shitting, whipe, finally get your tie fixed and shirt tucked in, belt done, and realize, I have to continue shitting. You can't say you've never experienced it, and again, serious time crunch.

    Not saying it doesn't sound like a good plan. But you better hope it goes smoothly.

    1) whipe??? WTF is a whipe
    2) to avoid a sloppy shit, you do not shit for the previous 3 days. yes, this sounds grueling, but will ensure that your deuce makes a bowl entry that will echo throughout the entire building, rattling the plumbing structure to the core and sending the message to everyone that you have arrived. it will also be a ghost poop with 99% probability requiring no whiping (sic) which will save time in case the aforementioned "double-shit" occurs
    3) you are correct in the assertion that you have no defense against the double-shit. if you believe in a god, pray. otherwise, build in an extra 10-15 minutes to account for the possibility of this

    3 days??? serious??? it would be a tough time when you finally have to pull it out.. its great I guess, walk into an interview with all that comfort (if you manage to pull it out)...

    Signs of Recession:
    Banker: "Where's me Bonus?"
    Yuppie: "Whadya mean I have to actually work?"
    Fox Rock Mum: "Lidl's the place to be seen in now!"
    Cowen: "It's not my fault that me and my party are complete f**k-ups - it's the recession silly!"

  • openOutcry's picture

    I went to interview at a firm, and before my interview I went to the bathroom. In there, a man struck up a conversation with me. He was smiling and all to friendly and asking a LOT of questions. Wasn't helping me get into interview mode, so I made it clear I wasn't really interested in chatting, which for some reason upset him.

    Turns out he was my interviewer.

  • UncleKevin's picture

    haha good stuff.

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