Best interview advice I ever received
This idea was discussed within a comment thread a couple month ago but I thought it deserved its own thread just because of how awesome it is.
I wanted to share with you guys a tip that is virtually guaranteed to improve your interviews.
Here's what you do:
1. Arrive at interview location about 15 minutes early
2. Greet the receptionist, hang up coat, etc.
3. Ask to use the men's room
4. Take a shit
Sounds simple enough, right? What's the point, you ask? The fact is when you walk in for an interview you're on foreign ground, their turf. This is an away game for you. Ask any sports team: it's always tough to win on the road.
But when you stride into the company restroom and drop a huge deuce, you have essentially turned the tables. At this point, you subconsciously feel like you own the place. You relax, you let your guard down. When you get back to reception feeling right at home, you start to wonder if the lobby furniture actually might be yours. And as we all know, the more yourself you are, the more relaxed and confident you are, the better you do on your interviews.
I am absolutely serious about this, by the way. I tried to present it in kind of a funny way, but that's not to say it doesn't work like a charm every time. Just make sure you're not trailing any TP from your shoe.
You're a genius. I recommend
You're a genius. I recommend making some grunting noises while you're dropping the Deuce McAllister.
Seriously, I'm going to do this the next interview I have. May need to get there 25 minutes early, though. Banana for you.
I can see some risks attached
I can see some risks attached to that:
1) What if it turns into a sloppy shit. Then you really have problems. 15 minutes just may not give you enough time to deal with that sort of thing.
2) The double-shit. You finish shitting, whipe, finally get your tie fixed and shirt tucked in, belt done, and realize, I have to continue shitting. You can't say you've never experienced it, and again, serious time crunch.
Not saying it doesn't sound like a good plan. But you better hope it goes smoothly.
Monkeyman2 wrote: I can see
I can see some risks attached to that:
1) What if it turns into a sloppy shit. Then you really have problems. 15 minutes just may not give you enough time to deal with that sort of thing.
2) The double-shit. You finish shitting, whipe, finally get your tie fixed and shirt tucked in, belt done, and realize, I have to continue shitting. You can't say you've never experienced it, and again, serious time crunch.
Not saying it doesn't sound like a good plan. But you better hope it goes smoothly.
hahaha well said. You can't overlook the sloppy turds that can take an entire roll...and that double shit happens just when you don't want it to happen, like at a damn job interview. Don't risk it.
I was actually introduced to
I was actually introduced to the process while interviewing at Goldman. After stashing my topcoat in the secret behind-the-wall closet, the receptionist gave me the code for the men's room and told me to take my time - clearly she wanted me to go in and pinch a loaf.
No one came in while I was making the shit, but I feel like this would be an ultimate success if your interviewer happened to come in to take a piss at the same time while you're dropping a burly deuce. That way, as he was washing his hands at the sink, he would be able to see you in the mirror as you emerge victorious from the stall and begin to urinate around the perimeter of the restroom.
He would stand helpless, realizing that he just released his urine into the toilet and has no way to combat the territory-marking that you have just done. Shaking his head in disappointment, he would exit the restroom knowing that he was just pwn3d by some random guy he's never seen before. Upon finding out that you are in fact the interviewee, his subconscious primal realization will be that you are in fact the alpha male, and he is in no place to deny you the job you seek.
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I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolfpack
Buyside strongside
Thinking back on my interview
Thinking back on my interview experiences, I had 4 or 5 superdays, and the ONLY place that gave me an offer, was the ONLY place where I started off by doing exactly this. Nice.
Monkeyman2 wrote: I can see
I can see some risks attached to that:
1) What if it turns into a sloppy shit. Then you really have problems. 15 minutes just may not give you enough time to deal with that sort of thing.
2) The double-shit. You finish shitting, whipe, finally get your tie fixed and shirt tucked in, belt done, and realize, I have to continue shitting. You can't say you've never experienced it, and again, serious time crunch.
Not saying it doesn't sound like a good plan. But you better hope it goes smoothly.
1) whipe??? WTF is a whipe
2) to avoid a sloppy shit, you do not shit for the previous 3 days. yes, this sounds grueling, but will ensure that your deuce makes a bowl entry that will echo throughout the entire building, rattling the plumbing structure to the core and sending the message to everyone that you have arrived. it will also be a ghost poop with 99% probability requiring no whiping (sic) which will save time in case the aforementioned "double-shit" occurs
3) you are correct in the assertion that you have no defense against the double-shit. if you believe in a god, pray. otherwise, build in an extra 10-15 minutes to account for the possibility of this
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I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolfpack
Buyside strongside
Jhoratio, I couldn't agree
Jhoratio, I couldn't agree more with you. Though I haven't taken the Browns to the Superbowl before an interview, I have always made a point to "drop the kids off at the pool" on my first day at a new job. I feel like the king of my castle afterward.
rooster wrote: Shaking his
Shaking his head in disappointment, he would exit the restroom knowing that he was just pwn3d by some random guy he's never seen before. Upon finding out that you are in fact the interviewee, his subconscious primal realization will be that you are in fact the alpha male, and he is in no place to deny you the job you seek.
ha, nicely put.
Not that I have, but has
Not that I have, but has anyone ever taken the Johnny Drama approach to relieving the tension prior to an interview? And if so how did it work out?
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Monkeyman2 wrote: I can see
I can see some risks attached to that:
1) What if it turns into a sloppy shit. Then you really have problems. 15 minutes just may not give you enough time to deal with that sort of thing.
2) The double-shit. You finish shitting, whipe, finally get your tie fixed and shirt tucked in, belt done, and realize, I have to continue shitting. You can't say you've never experienced it, and again, serious time crunch.
Not saying it doesn't sound like a good plan. But you better hope it goes smoothly.
Easy solution, gentlemen. You MUST eat oatmeal for breakfast the week of the interview, or for at least 3 days prior. Drinking coffee in the morning, is OK, but a cup of tea is even better for firming it up...
I concur that extra time is a must. Also make sure you are drinking enough water, and eating a high-protein diet. You want to be at peak performance level.
What did the B-ball player on Van Wilder call it? A "Pre-Game Dump?"
rooster wrote: I was actually
I was actually introduced to the process while interviewing at Goldman. After stashing my topcoat in the secret behind-the-wall closet, the receptionist gave me the code for the men's room and told me to take my time - clearly she wanted me to go in and pinch a loaf.
No one came in while I was making the shit, but I feel like this would be an ultimate success if your interviewer happened to come in to take a piss at the same time while you're dropping a burly deuce. That way, as he was washing his hands at the sink, he would be able to see you in the mirror as you emerge victorious from the stall and begin to urinate around the perimeter of the restroom.
He would stand helpless, realizing that he just released his urine into the toilet and has no way to combat the territory-marking that you have just done. Shaking his head in disappointment, he would exit the restroom knowing that he was just pwn3d by some random guy he's never seen before. Upon finding out that you are in fact the interviewee, his subconscious primal realization will be that you are in fact the alpha male, and he is in no place to deny you the job you seek.
That was the funniest thing I have EVER read on WSO!! You might also consider dropping the Upper Deck:
See definition # 2: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=upp...
this is absolutely, by far,
this is absolutely, by far, THE worst interview advice i have EVER come across. why don't you just take a shit on the MD's desk then. what do you think the receptionist, recruiting coordinator, and possibly your first interviewer will be wondering while they look at their watch 15 minutes after you've gone into the bathroom? what, subsequently, do you think they will think when you finally emerge, with your shirt half untucked and pants wrinkled, and extend your hand for the very first handshake?
^^^n00b Your post shows your
^^^n00b
Your post shows your tremendous ignorance of proper interview practices, as well as life in general. I would also strongly recommend reading the bestselling children's book "Everybody Poops".
We also made a few key assumptions that, as indicated by your post, you must be the exception to:
1) The receptionist, recruiting coordinator, and interviewer have read and are familiar with the book "Everybody Poops"
2) The interviewee has been properly trained on how to fully tuck in a shirt after taking a shit. It is inherently a very similar process to tucking in a shirt while getting dressed
3) The interviewee is wearing one if his nicer suits to the interview. Such suit will not receive pants wrinklage from sitting on the toilet unless purchased at Men's Warehouse
4) Post-shit, the interviewee washes his hands
You are a nasty, nasty person. How dare you not wash your hands after you poop.
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I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolfpack
Buyside strongside
One of the filthier threads
One of the filthier threads on WSO ever.
JustNumbers, Ha ha, "taking
JustNumbers, Ha ha, "taking the Browns to the Superbowl" is unbelievable. I've never heard that before. With your permission, I'm going to use that from now on. One I came up with myself is "making a deposit at fifth/turd bank."
I'm just laughing at Kalice though at his mental image of someone coming out of the bathroom. Dude, it's not like you just got in a fight. Maybe you break out in a full sweat, wipe with your palms and then crawl out the bathroom on your hands and knees when you shit, but the rest of the human race is able to manage OK and still look and smell presentable.
Aside, has anyone ever
rooster wrote: You are a
And I thought this board had
holy shit i have a turtle
kalice, to show how wrong
Best. Thread. EVER. +1 for
Just remember to put your
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/
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I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolfpack
Buyside strongside
x
The first 4 comments had me
Just spend five minutes
On a serious note here, I
rooster wrote: [1) whipe???
Why thank you. I think it is
From personal experience, the
rooster wrote: I was actually
Wall Street leaders now understand that they made a mistake, one born of their innocent and trusting nature. They trusted ordinary Americans to behave more responsibly than they themselves ever would, and these ordinary Americans betrayed their trust.
Great post, I laughed my ass
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Excellent idea! Really funny
"ghost poop" - that's good.
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"... then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it."
Rooster, Hilarious! +1
Hands down one of funniest
"4: Like a sausage or snake,
Financial Modeling Training
Guide to Finance Interviews
Corollary: Don't wash your
I have been browsing this
Wow, Boomstick. That really
OK, I am completely serious
Wall Street leaders now understand that they made a mistake, one born of their innocent and trusting nature. They trusted ordinary Americans to behave more responsibly than they themselves ever would, and these ordinary Americans betrayed their trust.
I am still debating on
While I still cite my
Lol.. would be best at a
Just like in the thread about
Does anyone know if this
Financial Modeling Training
Guide to Finance Interviews
I got the feeling that anyone
"Well make more fuckin' money. This is America. You don't make money, then you're a fuckin' douchebag." - Mr. French
rooster wrote: Monkeyman2
Signs of Recession:
Banker: “Where’s me Bonus?”
Yuppie: “Whadya mean I have to actually work?”
Fox Rock Mum: “Lidl’s the place to be seen in now!”
Cowen: “It’s not my fault that me and my party are complete f**k-ups - it’s the recession silly!”
I went to interview at a
haha good stuff.