5/8/10

Breaking down the bullshit for the prospective monkeys! Any questions, feel free to ask on here on PM me.

Department: IBD at a major BB, London office

Number of girls that I've managed to sleep with as a direct result of working at a bank: 0 (got with 1 - she worked in IBD and wouldn't put out)

Number of nights out I have per month: 0-3

Typical night out cost: PS150-PS500

Number of days off I typically get a month: 2

Number of hours I typically work per day: 15-18

Pre-tax salary per month: PS3500

Sign on bonus: PS6000

Number of non-UK people working in my London office: 50%

Number of women in London IBD: 10%

Number of times I've thought about quitting: 2-5

Friends I've managed to keep in touch with since leaving university: <20%

Bonus: (not had one yet, can't comment)

Clothes I wear to work: PS5500 rolex, PS2200 diamond cufflinks, PS490 prada shoes, PS1600 prada suit, PS140 thomas pink shirt

Happy: Yes, mostly

Would I recommend this career to a university leaver: Yes

Biggest pros of the job: Character building (the biggest pro), occasional feeling of self-importance (prestige), money, exit opportunities, rare opportuntiy to work on big deals and meet CEOs, CFOs, COOs of major companies, the people.

Biggest cons of the job: 90% of the time is menial work, my work is my life - demanding hours, very hard to have outside friends or a girlfriend, lack of sex, inability to have hobbies, degradation of health, the people.

Interview tips: be a more enthusiastic version of yourself, though still yourself.

Banking survival tips: be a more enthusiastic version of yourself, though still yourself.

Comments (54)

5/8/10

thanks for this nice write up better than the other IMO all the bankers/pe/traders should do this!

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5/8/10
5/8/10

I sent you a PM! Nice post!

5/8/10

"Clothes I wear to work: PS5500 rolex, PS2200 diamond cufflinks, PS490 prada shoes, PS1600 prada suit, PS140 thomas pink shirt"

Have you seen any extreme opposites (i.e. analysts wearing clothes from Primark)?

__________
Just my 2c.

5/8/10
lorican:

"Clothes I wear to work: PS5500 rolex, PS2200 diamond cufflinks, PS490 prada shoes, PS1600 prada suit, PS140 thomas pink shirt"

Have you seen any extreme opposites (i.e. analysts wearing clothes from Primark)?

Style is something I've always been really enthusiastic about, not in a vanity kind of way, just in the way that I think fashion is a great way of expressing yourself; who you are, what you want to say.

By no means do you have to wear what I wear. My flatmate (and fellow analyst at my BB) wears a casio watch and PS60 shoes from the high street.

You have to look presentable to a client, and the sign on bonus is apparently given to you so that you spend a little money on yourself, but banking is nowhere near as superficial as people make out. Nobody would call you out for wearing this or that. Except braces - braces get a bit of banter! I remember one of my SAs walked around with paul smith multi coloured braces and a coffee in his hand like he owned the city - very funny, and he actually got the job in the end.

Just be who you are, most BBs are very diverse and accepting; moreso at the european BBs perhaps.

5/8/10

^I dont wear nearly that "level" of clothing. My suits cost $400. They are great.

5/8/10

anonymousman, are the Rolex and cufflinks acceptable in London? I only ask because the shoes (assuming they don't have "Prada" written across the top), shirt and suit would be acceptable over here, but if I ever wore a Rolex, and, to an even more serious degree, the cufflinks, I would get torn apart. I'd never wear diamond cufflinks or a Rolex (not knocking you, just not my style), but do you catch crap for that in London?

5/8/10
jimbrowngoU:

anonymousman, are the Rolex and cufflinks acceptable in London? I only ask because the shoes (assuming they don't have "Prada" written across the top), shirt and suit would be acceptable over here, but if I ever wore a Rolex, and, to an even more serious degree, the cufflinks, I would get torn apart. I'd never wear diamond cufflinks or a Rolex (not knocking you, just not my style), but do you catch crap for that in London?

You know I've been wearing these cufflinks for 6 months and nobody has noticed them!! (except my mum when I saw her)

The rolex - I got with my sign on bonus so was very keen to show it off - but I personally know more than 10 first year analysts who wear 'luxury watches' of some sort - I'd imagine there are a few more. The submariner is obviously very popular (though not the one I wear).

I've genuinely not had a single negative remark on my watch - even in gest. Even the swiss analyst on my team who likes to rip people hasn't commented (to my face at least!). The most banter I've ever caught was when I had a dodgy haircut - that did not die down overnight! haha.

5/8/10

hahahah i love the breakdown of # of girls you slept with due to IBD. props for honesty

5/8/10

Just to answer another question: someone has just PMed me asking about the training for IBD.

I think I'm right in saying most BB traning is the same. In the UK, you normally get some preliminary reading material sent to you around about this time of year (absolutely useless in-one-ear-out-of-the-other stuff), then you start with 10 days of FSA training then take FSA exams, then around 5 or 6 weeks of ATP (Analyst Training Programme).

5/8/10

"Clothes I wear to work: PS5500 rolex, PS2200 diamond cufflinks, PS490 prada shoes, PS1600 prada suit, PS140 thomas pink shirt" ... " just in the way that I think fashion is a great way of expressing yourself; who you are, what you want to say."

Stop lying to yourself. all of the items you mention primarily serve the purpose of letting others know how much you paid for them. You are a tool.

As long as you look decent, nobody really cares. If an analyst wore that stuff in the office I work at, we'd laugh at him.

Additionally, PS150-PS500 is a foolish amount to spend on a night out. It completes the picture of the douche that you are. If we had any time to do so, we'd just go out and have a few drinks at a pub.

Seems like you are trying to make up for your lack of self-confidence by buying symbols instead of experiencing life by your own terms.

Go East, Young Man

5/8/10
Asia_i_Banker:

"Clothes I wear to work: PS5500 rolex, PS2200 diamond cufflinks, PS490 prada shoes, PS1600 prada suit, PS140 thomas pink shirt" ... " just in the way that I think fashion is a great way of expressing yourself; who you are, what you want to say."

Stop lying to yourself. all of the items you mention primarily serve the purpose of letting others know how much you paid for them. You are a tool.

As long as you look decent, nobody really cares. If an analyst wore that stuff in the office I work at, we'd laugh at him.

Additionally, PS150-PS500 is a foolish amount to spend on a night out. It completes the picture of the douche that you are. If we had any time to do so, we'd just go out and have a few drinks at a pub.

Seems like you are trying to make up for your lack of self-confidence by buying symbols instead of experiencing life by your own terms.

I fully agree.

A first year year analyst wearing an 8k watch and 4k CUFFLINKS? What kind of fucking nouveau-riche trashbag are you? Where do you come from that you think it's ok to dress that LOUDLY as a 23 year old kid? Is your father a russian oligarch or something? you aren't a hotshot MD, you are an excel bobo who doesn't have sex.

you wanna be a real banker, get a buzzcut and a jogging watch Hank Paulson style.

furthermore, what does it say about your financial savvy that you blew your entire signing bonus and then some on a watch and cufflinks.

5/8/10

"Clothes I wear to work: PS5500 rolex, PS2200 diamond cufflinks, PS490 prada shoes, PS1600 prada suit, PS140 thomas pink shirt"

Frank Lucas: What is that you got on?
Huey Lucas: What? This?
Frank Lucas: Yeah, that.
Huey Lucas: This is a very, very, very nice suit.
Frank Lucas: That's a very, very, very nice suit, huh?
Huey Lucas: Yeah.
Frank Lucas: That's a clown suit. That's a costume, with a big sign on it that says "Arrest me". You understand? You're too loud, you're making too much noise. Listen to me, the loudest one in the room is the weakest one in the room

5/8/10
h.e.pennypacker:

"Clothes I wear to work: PS5500 rolex, PS2200 diamond cufflinks, PS490 prada shoes, PS1600 prada suit, PS140 thomas pink shirt"

Frank Lucas: What is that you got on?
Huey Lucas: What? This?
Frank Lucas: Yeah, that.
Huey Lucas: This is a very, very, very nice suit.
Frank Lucas: That's a very, very, very nice suit, huh?
Huey Lucas: Yeah.
Frank Lucas: That's a clown suit. That's a costume, with a big sign on it that says "Arrest me". You understand? You're too loud, you're making too much noise. Listen to me, the loudest one in the room is the weakest one in the room

Disappointing movie, but great line.

Although his wardrobe is expensive, I can't picture it being loud unless he has "PRADA" blaring from his shoes and the breast pocket of his suit.

5/8/10

The $4k diamond Cuff-links are a BIT too much, perhaps too gaudy and effeminate , but wtf is wrong with wearing a Rolex?? The guy obviously likes fine crafted timepieces... If anyone makes a comment about any of my watches and they are not gaudy jewelry pieces, Id tell em to go F*ck themselves.

Btw what model Rolex? Im guessing SS Daytona, or GMT II

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5/8/10

cufflinks are lol. Maybe it's different in London, but I don't know a single 1st year that would ever dream of rocking that to work

5/8/10
5/8/10

Investing in quality time pieces, shoes and suits makes sense, but I personally just don't see the point of PS2200 cuff links. However, if it gives you personal satisfaction (which it clearly does) then I don't see why you shouldn't spend the money you've earned however you wish.

Asia_i_Banker, out of curiosity, would you (and others at your office) still be as judgemental if a senior VP/ MD decided to wear such clothes?

5/8/10

Just realised: Troll

Sort yourself out anonymousman

5/8/10
BillyVanBarzini:

Just realised: Troll

Sort yourself out anonymousman

I don't think he's a troll given that he has a star which implies he is industry.

5/8/10

i also believed him until:

"PS5500 rolex, PS2200 diamond cufflinks, PS490 prada shoes, PS1600 prada suit, PS140 thomas pink shirt"

as a first year, really?

=========================================
We are excited to formally extend to you an offer to join Bank of Ameria

5/8/10

http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/goldman-shar...

Clearly states that he is in his final year of university in above thread.

States that he has already left university in this thread.

It's 2.20AM in the UK and I'm pretty tired so, unless I'm being stupid and missing something, that seems like a direct contradiction.

5/8/10
BillyVanBarzini:

http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/goldman-shar...

Clearly states that he is in his final year of university in above thread.

States that he has already left university in this thread.

It's 2.20AM in the UK and I'm pretty tired so, unless I'm being stupid and missing something, that seems like a direct contradiction.

Nicely done mate!

5/8/10
youngmonkey:
BillyVanBarzini:

http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/goldman-shar...

Clearly states that he is in his final year of university in above thread.

States that he has already left university in this thread.

It's 2.20AM in the UK and I'm pretty tired so, unless I'm being stupid and missing something, that seems like a direct contradiction.

Nicely done mate!

I had so much faith in this guy...

5/8/10

Hmmm, The star means he is verified, but I just check out that link and it sure does mention last year in school.

I think listing you're outfit and price paid per item is a little tacky. I wear cuff links on occasion and have seen a lot of people wear them and never have I seen diamond encrusted cuff links. British men dress smart, not gaudy.

That being said I really hope this is a mistake. One of the better posts in a while.

5/8/10

Not a fan of cufflinks myself, but nothing wrong with the watch. Just dont go around flaunting that you wear a Rolex.

I am still in school, my parents make about as must as one first year analyst before bonus, I have been working since 8th grade, and I wear a Rolex.

I appreciate nice watches. It looks good with a suit and with a tshirt and jeans, but most of the time I have it covered by my jacket or longsleeve shirt. Really dont go around showing it off, and I feel uncomfortable when friends ask me what kind of watch I wear.

Just wear what you want, look nice and forget what other people say about it.

5/8/10

I think rolex watches are gaudy by definition. Every single person that I have ever met who wears a Rolex, unless they are sailing, has been a nouveau-riche douche-bag. I would avoid Rolex watches like the plague if I were you. Have some class, buy a Breguet if you have the cash to spare. I god damn guarantee that if you pay a visit to the top ten prep schools in america, you will not see a single rolex.

Only gays and/or Yalies wear diamond cufflinks.

5/9/10
pinkbanker:

I think rolex watches are gaudy by definition. Every single person that I have ever met who wears a Rolex, unless they are sailing, has been a nouveau-riche douche-bag. I would avoid Rolex watches like the plague if I were you. Have some class, buy a Breguet if you have the cash to spare. I god damn guarantee that if you pay a visit to the top ten prep schools in america, you will not see a single rolex.

Only gays and/or Yalies wear diamond cufflinks.

Who gives a shit what the tools at the top ten prep schools in america wear, are you seriously that insecure?

5/9/10
youngblood:
pinkbanker:

I think rolex watches are gaudy by definition. Every single person that I have ever met who wears a Rolex, unless they are sailing, has been a nouveau-riche douche-bag. I would avoid Rolex watches like the plague if I were you. Have some class, buy a Breguet if you have the cash to spare. I god damn guarantee that if you pay a visit to the top ten prep schools in america, you will not see a single rolex.

Only gays and/or Yalies wear diamond cufflinks.

Who gives a shit what the tools at the top ten prep schools in america wear, are you seriously that insecure?

hahahaha pinkbanker jesus christ, the posters on here get worse each day

5/9/10
pinkbanker:

I think rolex watches are gaudy by definition. Every single person that I have ever met who wears a Rolex, unless they are sailing, has been a nouveau-riche douche-bag. I would avoid Rolex watches like the plague if I were you. Have some class, buy a Breguet if you have the cash to spare. I god damn guarantee that if you pay a visit to the top ten prep schools in america, you will not see a single rolex.

Only gays and/or Yalies wear diamond cufflinks.

Only 'old money' waspy kids are brought up to wear JLCs Breguets, IWCs and it's their parents who buy them the watches. They are trained to look down upon anyone that is self made and doesnt come from generational wealth.

Guess what .. Some people buy rolexes because they keep their value very well, in fact some vintage sports rolexes can even make great investments. I feel good knowing that I own something that is very scarce and cannot be made by Helicopter Ben.

I've owned several 'high end' brands before they just didn't do it for me. I prefer the 'blue collar' watches anyway.
http://i42.tinypic.com/121q4aa.jpg I've added several more since I took that pic.

5/9/10
Guest1655:

I've owned several 'high end' brands before they just didn't do it for me. I prefer the 'blue collar' watches anyway.
http://i42.tinypic.com/121q4aa.jpg I've added several more since I took that pic.

Although, thats too many Rollies for my taste, that is a great collection you got there! Love the SS Daytona and a few of those on the left. A few look like they have a nice patina on them. Add a bond NATO strap to one of those bad boys!!

And it is nice to know you have a watch that will hold its value rather well. Not many do that! I wouldnt call most modern Rolexs an investment, but they definitely have a great resale value.

5/10/10
M-002:
Guest1655:

I've owned several 'high end' brands before they just didn't do it for me. I prefer the 'blue collar' watches anyway.
http://i42.tinypic.com/121q4aa.jpg I've added several more since I took that pic.

Although, thats too many Rollies for my taste, that is a great collection you got there! Love the SS Daytona and a few of those on the left. A few look like they have a nice patina on them. Add a bond NATO strap to one of those bad boys!!

And it is nice to know you have a watch that will hold its value rather well. Not many do that! I wouldnt call most modern Rolexs an investment, but they definitely have a great resale value.

thank you! I do have a few Nato straps, including the bond one. My fav part about the vintage watches is the patina and the history, some of my watches were owned by divers and pilots. And it definitely feels good know they've appreciated by at least 30-50% since I got them a few years ago.

5/9/10

I do agree with youngblood. I would prefer an Audemars, IWC, or JLC over a measly Breguet or Rolex. However, the Rolex kinda fell in my lap and I was unable to pass it up. I used to never see myself wearing one, but after having it for a few months I really appreciate it and would definitely buy another one. Preferably a Deep Sea, something with a little more size and weight to it.

5/9/10

very elaborate troll, but troll indeed

5/9/10

get an invicta if you want something made of metal, or a casio if you don't care.

does the same shit as a rolex. 1% of the cost.

5/9/10

I don't think this is a "bullshit breakdown" as much as it is straight bullshit.

Diamond cufflinks and a 5000 pound rolex as an analyst will get you laughed out of the room, and everyone will find a good nickname for you to boot (I'd go with 'Diamond' James Brady). You might as well just wear a bowtie to work or get gold teeth like a rapper.

Also, if that's how you dressed to interviewsI can't imagine many groups wanting to hire you. I don't know what kind of a person you are in your regular life and I have no time to find out, all I can judge on is what you are presenting to me...and your appearance screams "I'm a douchebag who thinks I'm more important than I really am."

5/9/10
rebelcross:

I don't think this is a "bullshit breakdown" as much as it is straight bullshit.

Diamond cufflinks and a 5000 pound rolex as an analyst will get you laughed out of the room, and everyone will find a good nickname for you to boot (I'd go with 'Diamond' James Brady). You might as well just wear a bowtie to work or get gold teeth like a rapper.

Also, if that's how you dressed to interviewsI can't imagine many groups wanting to hire you. I don't know what kind of a person you are in your regular life and I have no time to find out, all I can judge on is what you are presenting to me...and your appearance screams "I'm a douchebag who thinks I'm more important than I really am."

While this guy might be bullshitting, the idea has a certain ring of truth to it. I was on the tube to Canary Wharf last week and saw a very, very well dressed young man (couldn't have been older than 22) with huge diamond cufflinks and an expensive-looking watch playing with an iphone that had GS stamped on the back of it. I'm not sure where you guys are posting from, but consider that attitudes in the UK could be quite different to those in the US.

5/10/10
boshyj:
rebelcross:

I don't think this is a "bullshit breakdown" as much as it is straight bullshit.

Diamond cufflinks and a 5000 pound rolex as an analyst will get you laughed out of the room, and everyone will find a good nickname for you to boot (I'd go with 'Diamond' James Brady). You might as well just wear a bowtie to work or get gold teeth like a rapper.

Also, if that's how you dressed to interviewsI can't imagine many groups wanting to hire you. I don't know what kind of a person you are in your regular life and I have no time to find out, all I can judge on is what you are presenting to me...and your appearance screams "I'm a douchebag who thinks I'm more important than I really am."

While this guy might be bullshitting, the idea has a certain ring of truth to it. I was on the tube to Canary Wharf last week and saw a very, very well dressed young man (couldn't have been older than 22) with huge diamond cufflinks and an expensive-looking watch playing with an iphone that had GS stamped on the back of it. I'm not sure where you guys are posting from, but consider that attitudes in the UK could be quite different to those in the US.

hey, maybe this very well dressed young man was "anonymousman"!

it's his money. he can spend it as he likes. but i really don't think such dress code would be a proper example for prospective monkeys.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.----William Shakespeare

5/9/10

In the UK as we speak. I admit, cufflinks are more acceptable, but not diamond and not that early in your career...and not all the rest as well. We've busted on plenty of "douchey" people, lots of laughs. Remember, the industry is very international.

5/9/10

To be honest, I don't think the cufflinks are that big a deal. Do you honestly look down at someone's wrists when you're talking to them? I probably wouldn't even notice them, not to mention the fact that they're diamond-encrusted. Do I think that spending as much money as the OP did on them is a little absurd? Yes, but it's not my money. It's his money, and he's free to spend it as he sees fit.

Now, if you were to wear a colored shirt with a white collar, that would push you over the top. That's what MD's wear.

5/9/10

There's nothing wrong with cuff links, just wear understated ones.

5/10/10

This video is a must watch for those of you who wish to bring your douchebaggery to the next level.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvAtILUSNgM

5/10/10
NeverSurrender:

This video is a must watch for those of you who wish to bring your douchebaggery to the next level.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvAtILUSNgM

This guy is the all-time douchebag.

5/10/10

That guy is pathetic. I am sorry, just because you have a shit load of cash does not mean you have any taste. The guys place was sick, but a LV soccer ball, common. I wish I could put diamonds onto a tooth brush because this fool would pay 20K for it. Friggin retard.

5/10/10

The soccer ball was the last thing I would comment about after seeing that video.....

I dont even know where to begin. Well, the English guido accent was a first

5/10/10

this guy was a tool... injections to keep yourself looking young, a gold suit?

whatever... he wasn't living on the top floor of his building

his business isnt a completely ridiculous idea... providing shit to rich people instantly... this guy seems to have no patience though (evident from his comments in the elevator)

looking for that pick-me-up to power through an all-nighter?
5/11/10

whatever... he wasn't living on the top floor of his building

His flat is actually a Duplex and so it is the top floor.

5/10/10

Notice how this guy is attracted to exactly the same shit as the OP; I told you he was a douche. No shit he bought a Rolex. I have nothing against Rolex watches, they're made well; it just so happens that 90% of their customers are tools and only buy them because of lay prestige. I almost barfed when I watched that flick.

The fact that the OP bought diamond cufflinks just corroborated the fact that he was a douche. I only mentioned the prep school shit because I assumed that that kind of shit would impress the OP to change his ways. I assume that he is trying to emulate the mannerisms of old money and I felt that saying that old money would look down on him would make him change his ways. OP: Haven't you ever heard of Noblesse Oblige? Follow it.

Polonius says it best in Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 3:
Costly thy habit as thy purse can buy,
But not express'd in fancy; rich, not gaudy;
For the apparel oft proclaims the man

You may not be of noble blood, but in the modern world your position makes you so, act as such. Humility will take you far in life, that's the most important lesson I can impart.

5/10/10

With that much money, why would you ever want to be based in Manchester? (No offense to any Mancunians here)

He should spend some of that money on someone who can make his apartment look nice. It might be filled with nice things but it lacks any sort of style.

5/10/10

alright but seriously...its about time to buy clothes for SAs

specifically thinking about shirts, how much cash / which brands should i be looking for? it's not really a question of budget, more a question of what is the standard for analysts. obviously i don't want to spend more than i have to, but i want to be at least average. also i think it would make sense to buy stuff that is good enough to keep wearing if/when i come back for FT.

another question - what style/brand of shoes should i get? already have acceptable black cap toe shoes

5/10/10

Allen-edmonds, classic.

5/11/10

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