Success Story - Thanks WSO!!!
Thanks, WSO! I finally had sex for the first time last night. It took a lot of effort and persistence but I finally did it. I couldn’t have done it without the great advice I received on WSO. Looking back on my experiences, my advice for prospective monkeys is to:
1) Network: Hide your true intentions and pretend you just want to talk for a few minutes. Act like you’re genuinely interested in what they’re saying. If you get them blabbing on about their personal BS, like their new fancy hand bag, then you’re getting somewhere. If you talk to these types enough times, consistently feign genuine interest and ask interesting questions, you’ll eventually get what you want.
2) Know when to be direct: In other cases, you may encounter people who are more forward. Skip the BS and just straight up ask these people for what you want. You’ll usually encounter these types of professionals in dark alleys, scantily clad and approaching automobiles. Often times, as was the case with me, they’ll be so impressed that you managed to track them down that they’ll straight up offer to help you without you even having asking. But watch out for their big, black bosses - they're not so friendly.
3) Cold call: I got a copy of the yellow pages and cold called every number in the book. You gotta know your pitch and be ready to impress, just like Will Smith in The Pursuit of Happyness. A lot of times they told me to “stop calling you fucking psycho” but don’t let a simple no deter your overall efforts; just realize that these people are simply less open to networking, so work even harder to develop a warm lead with such people. Never stop calling and leaving messages to show them you really want it. Also press *67 to block your phone number.
4) Be Bud Fox: How did Bud Fox get in front of Gordon Gekko? He got creatively aggressive. He said "fuck calling" and showed up at Gekko’s office on his birthday, with a present. You may not be able to figure out birthdays, but you can still just show up unannounced like Bud Fox. Drive around neighborhoods, knock on people’s doors, and ask to speak with them. DO NOT forget to bring a birthday gift - it creates a "warmer" lead. Let them know you are the one that’s been calling so much – this should impress them, just like Gordon Gekko was impressed with Bud Fox's persistence. If all else fails, you may have to force your way inside the door, just as Bud Fox forced his way past Gekko’s secretary. Take matters into your own hands and MAKE your own success – little known fact: this is where the phrase “knocking down doors” comes from. Wear a sharp suit, and a dark ski mask.
I hope this helps all you prospective monkeys out there. Just keep working hard and be aggressive. Good luck.






Genius. And #4 (the rape
Genius.
And #4 (the rape suggestion) works like a charm every time. Highly recommend.
expand on this and make it
expand on this and make it into a guide please
haha i like the ski mask way
haha i like the ski mask way lmfao.. great advice does this apply to proprietary trading though? i would kill myself if i had to work 100 hours in investment banking i need my sleep... like the book one good trade says lol...
silver banana!
silver banana!
Ahh.....And here, all this
Ahh.....And here, all this time, I've been relying on my suave manner and my natural good looks.
My mistake, then. Carry on.
Congrats man! Way to show
Congrats man! Way to show that persistence pays out in the long run. You should probably shout out to the certified users that helped you. Hahahahaha!
People like Coldplay and voted for the Nazis, you can't trust people Jeremy
Using persistence to get
Using persistence to get laid=beta
Snappin on prom queen acceptance speech giving fresh fish employees=ALPHAAAA
SB 4 u sir, keep on keepin on
Where I unload on Twits and take verbal S***s
hysterical
hysterical
" We need to number these God
" We need to number these God Damn Thank You Threads"
That was what I was going to post after I read it.
I just though it was another thank you and I 100% missed every funny line. I saw "black ski mask" and was like WTF?? I reread it closely and was fucking on the floor.
Great Job.
"Greed, in all of its forms; greed for life, for money, for love, for knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind. And greed, you mark my words, will not only save Teldar Paper, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA."
lmfaooooooo perfect
lmfaooooooo
perfect
banana for you
banana for you
the first time i've actually
the first time i've actually LOLed from something on WSO
fucking awesome!
fucking awesome!
you are a hero among men
you are a hero among men
Havent been on this site in
Havent been on this site in about a month....glad I came back.
You know you've been working too hard when you stop dreaming about bottles of champagne and hordes of naked women, and start dreaming about conditonal formatting and circular references.
Awesome post. I'm better
I win here, I win there...
To the OP. Dude you got me
Inept Speculator wrote: To
If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses - Henry Ford
Oh, so you were the masked
arbitRAGE. wrote: Awesome
I lol'd
This is WSO at its finest
This is brilliant
Most probably you just got
FinanceTherapist. wrote: Most
FinanceTherapist. wrote:
I win here, I win there...
LMAO!! Too fucking good!
You're thinking about things
Men are so simple and so much inclined to obey immediate needs that a deceiver will never lack victims for his deceptions.
-Niccolo Machiavelli
mikegj1 wrote: You're
Swag, have you gotten laid
Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays
he got a handie next to the
I need a crib, a big estate, I need a boat and that need a lake, I need some salmon that need a plate, that need a chef so I feed my safe
From trading equities to slanging wine in Latin America
A ship is safe in harbor, but that is not what a ship i
Edmundo Braverman
"WSO is like the 300 for anti spamage. None shall pass." -happypantsmcgee
"You stop being an asshole when it sucks to be you." -IlliniProgrammer
This was definitely an
MarketGrind- revealing the unsung helpful tip to help you in your everyday life.
Interesting & Funny. I
mike55555: You're thinking
Check out my Blog
How Swagon is banned, I'll
i think hes back in another
I need a crib, a big estate, I need a boat and that need a lake, I need some salmon that need a plate, that need a chef so I feed my safe
From trading equities to slanging wine in Latin America
A ship is safe in harbor, but that is not what a ship i
Back when trolling was still
Reality denied comes back to haunt
See my WSO Blog
WhiteHat: Back when trolling
im jelly that i didn't get
heister: Swag, have you
The Auto Show
congrats!