Success Story - Thanks WSO!!!
Thanks, WSO! I finally had sex for the first time last night. It took a lot of effort and persistence but I finally did it. I couldn’t have done it without the great advice I received on WSO. Looking back on my experiences, my advice for prospective monkeys is to:
1) Network
Hide your true intentions and pretend you just want to talk for a few minutes. Act like you’re genuinely interested in what they’re saying. If you get them blabbing on about their personal BS, like their new fancy hand bag, then you’re getting somewhere. If you talk to these types enough times, consistently feign genuine interest and ask interesting questions, you’ll eventually get what you want.
2) Know when to be direct
In other cases, you may encounter people who are more forward. Skip the BS and just straight up ask these people for what you want. You’ll usually encounter these types of professionals in dark alleys, scantily clad and approaching automobiles. Often times, as was the case with me, they’ll be so impressed that you managed to track them down that they’ll straight up offer to help you without you even having asking. But watch out for their big, black bosses - they're not so friendly.
3) Cold call
I got a copy of the yellow pages and cold called every number in the book. You gotta know your pitch and be ready to impress, just like Will Smith in The Pursuit of Happyness. A lot of times they told me to “stop calling you fucking psycho” but don’t let a simple no deter your overall efforts; just realize that these people are simply less open to networking, so work even harder to develop a warm lead with such people. Never stop calling and leaving messages to show them you really want it. Also press *67 to block your phone number.
4) Be Bud Fox
How did Bud Fox get in front of Gordon Gekko? He got creatively aggressive. He said "fuck calling" and showed up at Gekko’s office on his birthday, with a present. You may not be able to figure out birthdays, but you can still just show up unannounced like Bud Fox. Drive around neighborhoods, knock on people’s doors, and ask to speak with them. DO NOT forget to bring a birthday gift - it creates a "warmer" lead. Let them know you are the one that’s been calling so much – this should impress them, just like Gordon Gekko was impressed with Bud Fox's persistence. If all else fails, you may have to force your way inside the door, just as Bud Fox forced his way past Gekko’s secretary. Take matters into your own hands and MAKE your own success – little known fact: this is where the phrase “knocking down doors” comes from. Wear a sharp suit, and a dark ski mask.
I hope this helps all you prospective monkeys out there. Just keep working hard and be aggressive. Good luck.
Genius.
And #4 (the rape suggestion) works like a charm every time. Highly recommend.
expand on this and make it into a guide please
haha i like the ski mask way lmfao.. great advice does this apply to proprietary trading though? i would kill myself if i had to work 100 hours in investment banking i need my sleep... like the book one good trade says lol...
silver banana!
Ahh.....And here, all this time, I've been relying on my suave manner and my natural good looks.
My mistake, then. Carry on.
Congrats man! Way to show that persistence pays out in the long run. You should probably shout out to the certified users that helped you. Hahahahaha!
Using persistence to get laid=beta
Snappin on prom queen acceptance speech giving fresh fish employees=ALPHAAAA
SB 4 u sir, keep on keepin on
hysterical
" We need to number these God Damn Thank You Threads"
That was what I was going to post after I read it.
I just though it was another thank you and I 100% missed every funny line. I saw "black ski mask" and was like WTF?? I reread it closely and was fucking on the floor.
Great Job.
lmfaooooooo perfect
banana for you
the first time i've actually LOLed from something on WSO
...
you are a hero among men
Havent been on this site in about a month....glad I came back.
Awesome post.
I'm better start knocking on Kim Kardashian's door.
Wow. Do you actually have a comment I made on another thread as your signature? I'm touched, man.
To the OP. Dude you got me all worked up only to see getting laid! Don´t you know sex is overrated.
Sad thing is, I'm sure some kids out there started reading this and were like "what the fuck" when it wasnt about an offer
Oh, so you were the masked creep who broke into my house last night! Boy, do I have a story to tell at networking cocktail functions!
And guys and gals reading this, just so you know, I don't know who swagon is but he sure knows how to lay the fucking pipe into you!
Glad to be of assistance man
I lol'd
This is WSO at its finest
This is brilliant
Most probably you just got lucky and will a few other times, but I'm doubtfull that you have figured out the method to always getting laid. Keep working on it there bud. Just get some balls, a good suit and a decent life. You'll definity get laid more than just getting lucky.
Solid insight from Finance The Rapist.
I can personally attest to this.
LMAO!! Too fucking good!
You're thinking about things way too much man. Go to the bar and pay no attention to the girls, only focus on drinking. Girls will flock to you because every girl loves drama, and what better way to create drama than getting involved in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic.
That's actually really solid advice. +1
Sadly, yes it is. Not every chick, but one of my female friends stands out to me here. Awesome girl, but I swear she latches on to pieces of shit like it's her job. Not my problem, but it definitely sucks to see it happening.
wow I read the OP and thought it couldn't get beaten. Then I read this. I've never heard better advice before. Now I understand why I get laid more often when I'm blackout drunk, and those girls I bang don't answer my texts unless i'm asking to go heavy drinking.
Swag, have you gotten laid since?
Using such solid strategies, dude probably got laid far more often than should...may you rest in peace, swagon!
he got a handie next to the bar at the last happy hour
This was definitely an interesting post. I liked the overall message that is, if you want something, you need to put in the effort to get it. There are so many times that people have ideas and don't get anywhere because they don't go out and take it or, have poor communication skills. The phonebook example was actually good, a little bold, but good. Overall this was helpful. Keep up the good work.
Interesting & Funny. I appreciate the advice as a rising junior and I love the movie references. Solid advice.
How Swagon is banned, I'll never know. Love that guy.
i think hes back in another form lol
Back when trolling was still an art...
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