Skirts in Finance: Why Does Bankerella Hate America?

Those of you who follow our friends over at Wall Street Oasis may have recently seen a post by a ‘female banker’, who goes by Bankerella. She recently posted a blog about dating different finance guys, which has garnered some attention lately for ‘the Wall Street women’.

The verdict from our resident Skirt?:

Bankerella isn’t real. And judging by the replies to her post, those in the finance community have realized this. The non-finance community loves any chance to villianize or label us—men or women—as narcissists or sociopaths, but the Bankerella posts may be a bit too perfect. Here are the giant mistakes in her post, that every #WIF newbie and veteran knows and noticed almost immediately, that made it obvious Bankerella is either fake or delusional:

First of all, any #WIF can tell you that our kind dating each other is a rarity, nearly impossible, and not a smart idea. Wasted efforts. Aside from schedules that make one wonder if the other person is even still real, #WIF guys seems to love the most bizarre far-from-finance kind of girls. “What does your girlfriend do? Oh, she’s a trapeze instructor? A professional Easter Bunny? That’s…interesting.” Why is this? Probably for the fear that finance girls’ vaginas are full of teeth and spreadsheets. Spreadsheets with teeth.

Secondly, Is she dating these #WIF guys or just hooking up with them? If she’s just hooking up with them, why does it matter if they have money, or points, or if they’re taking her out? Is she a banker, a hooker, or a bum? This is confusing. She also says that comparing deals and power will always be inevitable with fellow bankers. Why is she having a dick measuring contest with the guy she’s about to sleep with?

Thirdly, she refers to non-finance guys as scrubs (okay, 1999), and complains how she cannot tolerate a scrub being late or checking their phones or talking about anything non-finance. But anyone who has dated a #WIF or been a #WIF has checked their Blackberry mid-bone (or at least glanced for the blinking red light), cancelled a date last minute, or has had to flake on plans all together. We are more unreliable than the Octomom’s period. The best we’ve done is try to multi-task which usually ends with “hang on, I just have to send this one email. Do you have a Blackberry charger? No, one with a skinny USB tip, like this. Actually, I’m just going to get my laptop, it’s in my car. What’s your WiFi password? I promise this will only take a minute. Okay okay, I’m done, just had to make a change to this CIM real quick, and oh—hold on, it’s my VP calling.” You get it. You’ve done it.

Lastly, didn’t we all quit the dating-a-banker scene after spending an after-hours summer in the bullpen around a bunch of sweaty dudes who smell like feet and cheetos? I thought that fascination was reserved for first-year secretaries? (Even after 6 months the secretaries think everyone needs to get over themselves.)

If Bankerella is real, by her own admission, she has strong hateful feelings towards any- and everyone who does not work in finance, which makes us wonder her feelings on her friends and family. More importantly, it makes us wonder how she feels about Ryan Lochte, or Steve Jobs, or George Washington. Why does Bankerella hate America? Why is she the worst person in the world? We love our fellow skirts in finance, but certainly don’t know any like her. Thanks for representing us as having the world’s worst inadequacy issues.

If Bankarella is indeed real, we can only imagine that the WIFs who are sleeping with her are doing so in hopes that they will have the opportunity to kill her after she survives what we can only imagine to be vicious hate fucking.

What does every real banker boy and girl need? A therapist.

Xo,

SKIRT.

What were your thoughts on the Bankerella post? Do you have a story to share regarding your own dating experience in the WIF community?

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