Have not been on very good terms with my manager and suspected that his niceties to me all these while were not genuine but were just to gain my trust so he could control me.
Some context, I was given additional tasks that are not related to my core role because we were short staffed and was not allowed to make mistakes on them. I have talked to him on several occasions to resolve this issue but my ideas were deemed invalid and was basically told to suck it up nicely. Recently, I had a review with him, he used details he knew about my personal life to attack me and used one-off observations/false assumptions to correlate it with my ability to work (which btw has zero correlation at all, think spending money on take outs vs ability to pick stock kind of far fetch). When I defended my case with facts, he would attempt to confuse me and switch to another topic. He told me if I ever wanted to leave, please notice him in advance of my resignation so I could still have an income while going for interviews and he can find my replacement, but the problem is my contract has a 2 month notice period, which I feel is more than sufficient to do all these without letting him know way in advance. I left the meeting in distraught and after I calmed down, I reflected on my past interactions with him and realized he has been gaslighting me this whole time.
I have been meaning to explore other opportunities but should I do as he says or should I just do it secretly and resign after I receive a offer? I am afraid he might thwart my exit plan if he finds out in advance, either that or make my notice term a 2 month lodging in hell.
Thanks in advance for reading and any advices you may have.
Don't do as he says. He's holding a gun, do you want to give him bullets so he could shoot you with them?
You don;t have to tell him where you are going or when. When the time comes just say you ended up getting an offer and am not allowed to disclose where. Say that during your notice, you will work hard to make the transition for the new hire as smooth as possible.
Remember, it is not your job to run the company. If he's giving you such a hard time based on what you wrote, do you think he'll give you a good recommendation or look out for you once you tell him you're trying to leave??
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