The Usain Bolt of Regulations — After much controversy, senior Fed officials, board members, policymakers, and even JPow himself are no longer allowed to:

• Purchase individual stocks,
• Hold individuals bonds,
• Hold agency securities (e.g. ACMBSs, AMBSs, etc.), or
• Enter derivative trades

These drastic and honestly admirable new changes come just weeks after the Presidents of the Boston and Dallas Fed branches were caught in 4k with their trades, and just days after we found out JPow was acting up too. Unlike most things in Washington this moved quickly and is widely agreed upon as good and reasonable regulations. 

On the other hand, members of Congress like Nancy Pelosi, who trades in the leagues of Jim Simons and Peter Lynch, do not face similar restrictions. To no surprise, people on social media smelled and called bullsh*t, proposing similar measures be applied to Congressional policymakers as well. Good luck to all the TikTok traders tracking Nancy’s every move if this goes into effect!

Fire Up The Printers — “Pretty much there” is the way our governing overlords describe the state of coming to an agreement on the highly anticipated spending and infrastructure bills. The target of $2tn or less is significantly lower than the initial $3.5tn that was proposed, but Congress took their time and finally realized that if we’re gonna “Build Back Better” we need to actually start building at some point. Although no headline number was revealed, Congressional Democrats met at Joey B’s Delaware house and presumably hashed out the needed changes to reach a deal. Reporters asked Speaker Pelosi if voting on these efforts could be expected this week, to which she answered “that’s the plan.” 

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Pork Kidney — Science and scientists are incredible and every now and then, they release new innovations that just humiliate everyone else who’s not a scientist. In the latest edition of this trend, scientists and surgeons out of NYU Langone Health in New York successfully transplanted a kidney grown and formerly existing inside of a pig, into a human patient. The human patient may have been brain dead, but this could be the birth of a new generation of organ transplantation involving genetic modification, an amazing feat with a plethora of potential implications. I can’t give you any tickers to play this breakthrough with, but maybe just step back from the options chain for a second and appreciate how remarkable the age of modern science we live in is today. With that said, who wants to put some cash on the next genetically modified animal organ? I got $50 on monkey stomachs.