All You Can Eat Warren

There may have never been a more adequate name for a powerful investor than Buffett. The only thing Warren has done wrong is that he still hasn't dropped that last letter "t". The reason being that in actuality, Buffett is very much like a Buffet Restaurant heaping piles of crap on the investing public and cleaning up hand over fist. He does the seemingly impossible, like making $1.4 billion in less than 24 hours, and then comes back to serve us hot steaming bowls of ideological foo yong.

Though I tip my hat and bow down to Warren's investing acumen and track record over the decades, the shit show that has become his "investment strategy" recently is a disgrace for anyone not holding a hammer and a sickle. Understandably, he is not the only culprit as every Government Sponsored Enterprise needs both friendly governments and nationalized banks to give them 9,000% returns on an annualized basis. Here is why Warren should be called "Buffet":

The concept is simple, yet ingenious. You promise customers "all they can eat". So the horde shows up starved out thinking they will eat like swine and maximize their utility. You, however, serve them shitty greasy low quality crap laid out under heat lamps barely keeping it from going rancid. Since there are usually one or two items that are much better than the rest, everyone swarms for them. The pressure to get all you can of said items gets people to eat fast, fill up quickly and actually under consume. The fact that you often see people hurling vomit projectiles outside of many of these grease traps should remind anyone unable to exit a losing position in the past of what it really felt like.

An added benefit of a buffet is that you can very easily write off ridiculous amounts of money as operating losses. After all, you provide such a great and affordable service for the whole family. You are a fucking saint, so what if you claim you threw away all of your tater tots yesterday when you repackaged and reheated them for today's lunch rush. This is about as scientifically as I can analyze Buffett's investment in BofA, previously Goldman and GE, as well. Please don't give me any bullshit about providing liquidity. This mausoleum with a pulse is the walking talking embodiment of what a joke the financial system and the investment community has become. I'm curious how long Brian Moynihan would have lasted at a non-government owned bank had such a public, pathetic pump and dump been carried out right in the public's eye.

I cannot wait to see how much of this particular billion hustled Mr. Buffett gleefully donates to the IRS. There are a great many ways to build an economic moat, boys and girls. Warren Buffett and his endless chain of all-you-can-eat bullshit is a warm lamp heated, overdone, grease soaked reminder of how.