Being an Analyst is Paradise

I wake up at 8 in my luxury overpriced apartment ready to hit the gym . Luckily my parents pay for it, with both of them being doctors we didn’t have much growing up, but we made it though. The poorest kid from my neighborhood- I’m a real get it out the mud story. I hit 135 for 3 on the bench (a new PR but I tell everyone that I used to bench 275, but lost it prepping for banking). After swiping my dad’s Amex at McDonald’s for breakfast and picking up some zyns from the gas station I’m ready to start the day.

I roll into the office at 10 AM. I’m exhausted because I worked so late on five live deals. Sure the bank is only working 4, but if I’m on it it’s live. I’m also tired because my MBA associate does nothing. Of the 10 pages we had to do he only did 5; can you believe it?? I’m on 4 other live deals remember!

Around 12:30 I go to lunch with 15 of my closest friends. For some reason they’re all on live deals too and working until 2 AM. I wonder how the bank doesn’t close anything with all these live deals!

At 4 pm I’m done working, but I wait until my food comes at 6:30. From there I go home and tell all my associates, sorry I can’t get to that super slammed on something else. I bullshit until about 11, then I really dial in! Gotta send off an email at 2 am for credibility. Time for bed!

Well first let me post on instragram how I’m grinding then fret about how prestigious my PE offers are. I tried explaining the difference if a mega fund and a mid market fund to my tinder date but she wasn’t interested. Im going to be exhausted after my 7 hours of sleep!

Ahhh being an analyst is paradise