Cover Letter Critique
I was hoping that I could get some feedback on my current cover letter before I start to submit it. I know that since I am coming from a non-target I need to have something that can grab attention and get me an interview. Thanks a lot for your help.
COVER LETTER I am a junior Finance and Economics major, expecting to graduate in May 2009, from the University of Nebraska - Lincoln. I have a strong desire to be a member of the 2008 Summer Analyst Program at [company name]. [Company Name] offers a very competitive summer program and I feel that my experience, coupled with completed course work would make me a great candidate.As Treasurer of my fraternity, I have enhanced my problem solving, analytical, and communication skills. When I took over as Treasurer in March 2007, the current financial health was poor as I uncovered over $50,000 dollars in back taxes and other debts. I completely revamped the current system, and successfully implemented new budgets and spending controls to fix the situation and ensure that such problems would not occur again.
In addition, I was selected to participate in a Union Pacific Business Case Study Class Competition, which was comprised of seniors and Graduate Students. One case asked us to evaluate and forecast stock prices and earnings information for the Class I Railroads. By building a valuation model, not only did my team win that case, but I also increased interest and knowledge about building models. I believe that the Summer Analyst Program offered by [company name] will utilize the strengths I have developed and further my desire to become a full-time analyst after graduation.
The enclosed resume provides further qualifications that I feel make me a great fit for [company name]. I would appreciate the opportunity to interview with you, and pursue the 2008 Summer Analyst Program.
Thank you very much for your time and consideration.
Couple of things: - Missing a comma after coursework in first paragraph - "the current financial health" is unclear- make sure that you show that the PREVIOUS health (which I think that you mean) is emphasized - No comma after "I completely revamped the current system" -- How did you revamp the system and what qualities from that experience would banking employers be attracted to? You need to explicitly state and tie in why this experience is great - Don't capitalize grad students - "By building a valuation model"... This sentence is grammaticaly incorrect on several levels- very vague, unclear. Fix this - Instead of "I believe that the ...." be confident and say something along the lines of "MY strengths will be utilizied immediately.... The key to a CL is being confident - Again, your final sentence is a bit weak. Just throw in an e-mail or phone number and tell them to contact you to further your application
Overall, not bad. I think you need to be a little more confident.
We generally don't even read cover letters; if we do read them, we go through them VERY quickly... it's pretty much all about the resume. I think what you have here is fine but I wouldn't spend too much time on this... make sure all the grammar is correct obviously but you should spend your time polishing your resume because that is the "attention-grabber."
as long as we're nitpicking grammar:
there is no 'of' when you use 'comprise'
my personal rule for serial commas: yes on 3 or more and no on 2
Yes, God I hate people who say X "comprises of." It's a complete misuse of the word and a complete misunderstanding of the word. And yet so many people say it and are totally clueless.
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