Dad has Cancer
Hey guys looking for some help here. I’m supposed to start at a BB on west coast in July, but unfortunately my dad has recently been diagnosed with cancer (not mentioning type for privacy). He will be undergoing intense chemotherapy treatment over the next 8-12 months (side effects include rapid weight loss, hair loss, nausea and loss of appetite, and extreme body weakness).
My mother is the only other person besides me who can take care of my dad, but she is 62 and has a few health complications herself. I have no siblings or any other family who can come to help. I really want to be at home to support my father but also would ideally like to start work as well to give financial support to my family too.
I reached out to the HR dept to see if I can start training at least virtually but they said they can’t give me an answer right now. Really would appreciate any advice on what to do or just any type of support, as this has been one of the most traumatic things to happen in my life.
wishing you all the best my man, hopefully HR is helpful
"HR" and "helpful" in the same sentence...
Sorry to hear that Mate. My dad has cancer as well and I’m scheduled to start as an associate this summer in a city far away. Luckily, my dads cancer is currently under control but if things were ever to deteriorate, I would quite Banking in a heart beat to spend more time with him if they weren’t flexible. Can always go back to banking - this is real life important Shit, time is is precious. I’d prioritize family. I wish you and your family all the best.
If necessary, let the bills pile up and pay them later. You can always make money later. You don't get to see your dad later if things go in the wrong direction. Will put in a prayer for you man.
HR once again providing zero value-add.
Good luck with the situation - sending positive vibes
I'm very sorry to hear about your dad. My dad was deep in his battle with cancer when I started working FT at a big bank (non-front office) in a city 3 hours away. This was a few years back. Thankfully his illness was somewhat manageable at the time. But here's my advice. If you have a LinkedIn profile, create a thoughtful post articulating your (and your dad's story) i.e. asking for prayers if you are religious, etc. But it has to be genuine. I mention this because LinkedIn's algorithm can be very powerful if used correctly. I have seen LinkedIn posts receive +90k views (and not from one of those influencer people - just a young professional who has had some success in his/her career). My point is that you don't know who will see your story i.e. maybe it will be the head of some reputable investment bank who finds your story compelling and would be happy for you to join his/her team (plus accommodating around your family situation).
I would quit if they can't accommodate. Not being with him is 100% something you will regret.
My grandma has Alzheimer's now so I've been visiting 1x - 2x a month, and no regrets. Seems like a good way to spend money. Your job will always be there in the future.
I am very sorry to hear this. You’re confronted with no obvious solutions and I assume quite a bit of guilt for worrying about your career during such a time.
This will suck but you can be sure that 1) at some point, you’ll come out stronger and well grounded and 2) your priorities may change in positives ways because you trudged through real depths of shit.
As for the bank / career, I would run a secret job search process now to see what you can uncover near your parents home. Look corporate too, because even if local, banking will suck so much time out of your schedule your head will spin. Another poster mentioned you will regret not seeing your parents through this. I agree in a sense that you cannot let yourself be absent, but if paying for some full time care is made possible through your employment, time away from an ailing parent can be relieving as well.
Also, there is no way to know upfront how long the illness lasts which makes it impossible to scale the opportunity cost of your sacrifice. In that sense, I don’t recommend being fully “stay at home” because if this drags on and on, you should be happy you can still kick it with your dad and not sad that you “gave up your career.”
Alls to say is that this sucks, it will be hard, and you need to find balance between work, caretaking, and pleasure to prevent yourself from going insane. You didn’t mention prognosis and I don’t want to pry. If the prognosis is good, banking may be possible; if not, don’t do Wall St.
Unfortunately I’ve been through this myself and despite all the twists and turns and conversations, I don’t have concrete solutions. I can say with certainty that I could not handle the decline and death of a parent with the demands of a bank. I quit during that process and honestly the mind fuck of the whole thing still makes me quake. You spend years of your life aiming to achieve a goal and life throws such a curve that you completely stop caring. If it’s really serious I’d recommend a 40-50 hr / week job with no weekend obligations so you can keep an eye on your folks. Get a brand name corporate on the resume and maybe no need to be sad you walked away from the big time.
Stay tough man.
Praying to Christ for your father my friend. Wishing him the best and a speedy recovery.
HR is useless. Reach out to your group COO or a senior MD who has the power to do what you want. Also likely they have some experience with a family member that got cancer (unfortunate reality of cancer nowadays). Just ask for deferring your start by a year and spend that year helping ur dad and just spending time with him.
I lost my mom to Cancer and it gets very physically and emotionally demanding so I wouldn’t want ur mom be going through it alone. Also, screw the bank if they say no, you spending time with your dad should be the top and the only priority. I hope and pray that he gets better and kicks cancer’s butt.
So sorry to hear this. For what it's worth, I had a personal health complication last winter, ~6 months before I was supposed to join as an analyst at a BB in July. I reached out to the group's staffer (didn't talk to HR directly) and she said I could defer the offer for a year and join the next class. She told HR to figure it out and got me a revised offer letter for a start date 18 months out. Not sure we'll have the same experience, but I'd talk to your group directly. They might be more helpful than HR.