Investment Banks as European Soccer Teams: 2025/26 Season Edition

GS = PSG. Best in the world right now.

JPM = Bayern Munich. Consistently elite, extremely close to being the very best in the world.

MS = Barcelona. Goliaths historically and currently, performing at an extremely high level right now and exhibiting crazy potential, but not quite as good as the top 2.

Evercore = Real Madrid. Elite names with a ton of aura. Can never be counted out and somehow are always in the mix when it comes to competing for major trophies/huge mandates.

Citi = Manchester United. Massive household names that struggled immensely in recent years due to poor leadership, but are now back on the upswing and performing well currently.

Perella Weinberg = Liverpool. Extremely well regarded brands with proven elite track records, but massively underperforming currently, with mass exoduses taking place as well.

Wells Fargo = Aston Villa. Huge names that were extremely mediocre/irrelevant in the past few decades, but are currently crushing it and seeing a ton of momentum due to expanded investment and more resources being allocated towards growing the brand.

UBS = Tottenham. Giant names that are in absolute free-fall right now. Abysmal last few years.

PJT = Man City. While historically not major players, quickly have burst onto the scene in the 21st century as forces to be reckoned with and have been elite for the better part of the past decade.

Centerview = Arsenal. Elite names that are having a breakthrough year with stellar victories on the resume (Prem Title/Paramount-WBD deal)

Jefferies = Chelsea. Big names that are currently being held back by shaky decision-making and weak management teams. Both continue to find themselves in the headlines for the wrong reasons.

Bank of America = Atletico Madrid. Huge brands that consistently do very well for themselves, but normally come up short against their main rivals.

Deutsche Bank = AC Milan. Iconic names that were historically powerhouses but have since fallen off and haven’t been near their peak in years. Outlook is muddy at best.

Barclays = Juventus. One of the biggest brands in the world. Have historically dominated domestically. Still well respected names but not feared like they were in the past.

Lazard = Inter Milan. Super strong franchises that probably don’t get the credit they deserve. Continuously fly under the radar while performing well year-in year-out.

Moelis = Dortmund. Highly distinguished brands with strong track records, but continue to get overshadowed by their direct competitors despite being quite formidable themselves.

RBC = Napoli. Strong franchises that can punch above their weight at times. Tend to be overlooked relative to their performance in recent years.

TD = Newcastle. Huge brands with massive financial resources that are currently investing heavily to try and grow the franchise and close the gap between themselves and superior names. Currently massively underperforming compared to heightened expectations.