Making friends in NYC
Just moved here and started full-time in July, and I feel like I'm struggling a bit to make friends and find solid people to hang out with. For reference, I came from a super non-target, so I have zero friends from school in the city that I knew prior. I've become cool and talk to other analysts at work all the time, especially since we're in training right now, but I haven't really had anyone close enough to properly go out with and do things with since they've already got their established social circles, and I feel like trying to hang out with those same people would come across as desperate.
My roommates have very different ideas of fun than I do, and all they really want to do is go out and club every weekend. I personally don't club or drink at all, and my idea of a good weekend is having some good food, walking around exploring new places, and just talking to people. I'm pretty extroverted and have never really had problems making friends throughout college but feel like this is different now.
Curious if anyone has dealt with the same issues and how I can go about enjoying my time here?
You sound like a chud
At least ur in NYC not a tier 3 city....get urself out there and you'll be fine
Prior comments really weren't all too sympathetic so I'll respond honestly here to acknowledge that this is a legitimate concern and you're not a "chud" for thinking it to be so. I'm not in the same boat, but I was particularly set on NYC BECAUSE many of my friends are here and I thought I'd be in a similar situation to yours had I gone to any other city. That said, I'm not sure what the best approach is because what you're thinking and feeling is exactly what would be going through my head if I was in your shoes.
There's no easy way to insert yourself into new circles. I know that when my friend group (from college) meets a new person or two who're on their own, we'll hang out with them for the time being but we won't hit them up after or vice versa; we just hangout with them for that day/night. It's just easier to stick with your group since you don't have to accommodate someone new and make them feel welcome constantly. People will empathize with your situation without judgment, but it's hard for them to care to integrate you into their friend group when it requires a bit of unnecessary extra effort from their perspective.
I think what you can do is talk to your analyst friends and let them know that you genuinely have no one to hang out with, and if they're good friends they'll invite you to tag along with their friend group and hopefully you can get to know some people from there. Maybe you can host something or mention a plan that you want to set up.
Otherwise, you can try to join some sports leagues or clubs if that's what you're into. I know that if you were to join e.g. a soccer league with an organized team of people your age that plays every weekend, then you'll go out for drinks after and plans will spring up from there.
Maybe hop on a dating app or something if you're single? Or I'm sure there are apps out there for people who're new to the city with no established friend group and looking to meet others in the same position?
Those are all my ideas rn tbh...
The best thing you can do is meet more people. It can take a bit of time, most of your first year or more, but you will benefit from a diverse group: some work friends, some college friends, some from your hometown, some new you met in NYC, NON-FINANCE people, etc. Won't happen over night. Anything you're interested in, go do it and meet those people. Sports, arts, music events, whatever
My first few months after moving to NYC I was one of the first from my west coast non-target in a while, so my first friend group was guys from the NYC office of my old bank. None of us still worked at that bank by then (I was starting PE), but we all did our SA program together so they were my closest connection. Find whoever that is, probably your analyst class or your roommates right now. Not hanging with that first group much anymore, but I met some people through them I gelled with even more. Give yourself time. People will move to the city, you'll meet friends of friends going to events, maybe date a girl and meet her friends. Your group will grow. It will eb and flow generally. One year you might spend a lot of time with one group and the next year if you pick up a new activity that might become the locus of your social life. Enjoy each season as it comes. Early career, really common to go out Friday nights with your coworkers for the first drink then branch off to various other plans. That's a fun era you might look back on fondly as people branch out.
I'm at a point now where I have a handful of groups I do totally different things with. Hardcore rave group, motorcycle group, brunch group, ice skaters, the ballet, etc. In addition to my core college alumni / finance guys group. NYC is also such a nexus, so something to look forward to is catching up with friends or family while they're visiting. It can be cool to show them around. Way more likely for someone working in a T2 or T3 city to have to come to NYC for a meeting than for you to come out there, so sometimes it feels like friends are always in town (especially long weekends). If you have the space, can be fun to host as well.
And to your point on sobriety - I hear you. I quit drinking in my third year post college but I still go out, just sober. I'm too extroverted not to. Basically zero impact to my social life, and no more hangxiety. I'll still say yes to most invites (aside from pure bar hopping) and go to something each weekend. Just pull up Dice or RA and pick an event to go to. And nothing wrong with doing stuff solo. Commit to going, ask 1-2 people, if they're down that's great and if not just take yourself. People are constantly 'alone in public' here. It's freeing. Have fun NYC is an awesome city with something for everyone
What are your hobbies?
Squid
I was the one that said you sound like a chud, and I think ppl have caught the theme… but I’ve meant to say this for a minute… bro, you do need to drink to go out and have a good time
Imo most problems can be fixed with a few good ppl (ur roommates) and pulling a hoe every one and a while. I go out with ppl that don’t drink e and they have just as much fun as I do.
If I was you, I’d focus much more on doing things that ppl around you want to do rather than trying to put things in place that you want to do…. Holding ur tounge is a skill… so take it as a great time to practice and make friends in the process
Watch Julius percover on YouTube if you need more tips… great guy for this type of advice!!
Best of luck to you my man!!!
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