My Investment bank refuses to fire me

Okay well, if you want my unironic and real advice, start shit with him. We had the case of a colleague beefing with colleagues and other MDs, and they fired his ass only now, even though he had been sloppy, unreliable, and a general shitshow for quite some time already. Belittle him in front of clients or other MDs, demand unreasonable things, etc. 

No way, the FO is an extremely interesting family and a super opportunity (basically tripling my salary from below street to significantly above)  but I would need to start by January. The CIO knows I will burn relations but told me not worry about it. Given that I have 2 years of work experience by then, they would have fired me much ealiert if I was shit.

In fact, I even have proof that I was "top bucket" 

I don't think you get my point. When signing for your initial job, you agreed with the terms, it doesn't matter that the "next job triples your salary", you signed the contract and should stop acting like an entitled kid. In your post, you say that you are "several months late on deliverables"  and that "work quality is poor"

No don’t sabotage anything I would just stop showing up. Let them sue. But that’s me

His is best comment.... Not sure why you are... It.

If you breach overtime and you have evidence of MD forcing that then you should be settled

Get a lawyer. But unless otherwise agreed upon in the contract it should not be 6 months since you have only been there for 18 months lol. Don't just "don't go", Americans don't understand socialism. The bank can and will sue you for damages. 

There are 2 different things here:

1) how you work your notice

• Stick to your contract (i.e. no more no less than you signed up to). Unless your contracts says that you need to, don’t reply to email after hours etc

• you should also be clear about what is asked of you and what is doable within your contract hours (i.e. start working like you’re in hr or compliance)

• do not create a situation where you may have liability. Being fire is one thing, but disciplinary action or other could be on your regulatory record. Don’t create a stain on your future career

2) shortening your notice

• your boss has decided that you should work your notice. That’s unhelpful

• do you have any leverage? Is your future employer a client / prospect of the bank? If so they could give a call to apply some gentle pressure

• bypass your boss and go through his boss if you have a good relationship there.

• trying to get fired may not work if your boss has decided that he wants you around. And pushing things needs to be cautiously threaded to avoid crossing a line

• is this a company wide HR policy?

• if you have holidays that are due, you should be able to negotiate with HR to terminate your contract early by your holiday due & be paid for these. Normally it’s a requirement that you take all your holiday by the end of your notice period anyway

3) double employ as an option

• it’s most likely to be restricted by your current contract, but also by your new employer. Check with your lawyer - your new employer may be a bit more flexible, but you don’t want it to create legal liability (incl for you) beyond the possibility of being fired.

4) is that notice period legal? In some countries it could be challenged (in particular if they could fite you more quickly)

The issue is that if you behave like a naughty schoolboy, you’ll be treated as such and your leverage will be zero. So if you’ve already started, I’m not sure what you can do to get things to move in your favour because, ultimately, you signed up for that notice period.

I’m also guessing that your team is short staffed and that for your boss half a resource is better than none since he cannot replace you instantly. Maybe if he’s trying to hire you can weigh in and help him find someone & convince them to take your job quickly…

Jesus christ, I want to be liberal so bad, but policies that rewards losers like these are hard to stomach. This sounds like it benefits people who suck (because it's really hard to get rid of them even if they actually are bad at their job) and punishes people who are good (because they wouldn't be getting fired anyway so they don't need downside protection but now also don't have upside of getting poached for a better job b/c they can't just leave their current roles) 

The only winners of that are shitty employees and shitty employers, no? Bleh, guess America is still one of the best places in the world to be talented and hard working. 

In EU countries where this is normal, everyone expects that when they hire you for a job you won't join for a number of months until you finish your notice period.