Should I Report Him
A man who goes to my school recently posted that he accepted an offer for IB at a top firm. The only thing is he has numerous sexual assault allegations against him (including one from my friend which is how I know). The girls never pressed charges so it won't come up on a background check, but there are definitely complaints on file with my school's Title IX and he got kicked out of his fraternity because of the complaints so there is still proof. Do I report him? How would I even go about doing it? I also accepted an offer at the firm and am honestly worried the prestige make him cocky and will allow him to assault more women making the firm look bad. I feel like I can't morally not say anything, but I don't want to be reprimanded or have no one listen.
UPDATE: I decided it is best to make the Title IX office aware of it and let them handle it from there, since ultimately they are the ones with the proof. Thank you to everyone who left useful comments and offered help.
You say he assaulted many women and not even one pressed charges in today's environment? I don't know man. You're friend may be messing with you because in today's climate at least one women would have stepped and done the right thing if it was true.
I know the downvotes will come, but not one victim came forward and pressed charges to stop him from preying on future victims?
Come on now.
in today's environment, it doesn't matter if no one has pressed charges. doesn't matter if anything has been proven true. the only things that matter are:
1) is he male?
2) is he white?
3) is he republican?
If he ticks all 3 boxes then he is guilty until proven innocent.
note - not my view of how should things be, but just a sad reality in today's america.
Think the last two don't really matter. It's really just if you're a male. Plenty of non-white/ liberal men are getting dunked on as well
I think thats the most ignorant post i've ever read on this forum.
Also every woman has an 'assault' story. And not in a "oh my god there is a rape epidemic!" way, but more in a "there is value in being a victim in todays society, and what is considered 'assault' is basically whatever you want it to be" way.
I've seen both sides of this plenty of times. There are many sketch guys make no mistake. But there are many more 'had too much to drink' stories from women as well that are just attention seeking diatribes to get a shoulder to cry on
Maybe you should. But are you sure that he hasn't changed and tried to make things right? A lot of things to consider before going down that road.
I am all for reporting against true assault and harassments, and definitely see a slippery slope when the evidence of a filed criminal case is lacking such as in the OP (although if he was already found guilty and tossed out of his fraternity it's a different case). That being said it's complete nonsense to say "he might have changed". A criminal is a criminal period. WASP frat dudes shouldn't get exceptions.
Allegations, complaints and accusations are not proof. It’s not your place to interfere in someone’s business since you don’t know all the facts. Look at the Duke Lax case as just one of many examples.
You absolutely should, message me for help. I'm a woman who has gone through the Title IX process and have worked in IB. Also, ignore what these other commentators are saying about what happened being fake, anyone who has actually been harassed or reported knows that reporting is difficult because you need the right infrastructure in place to do it.
Out of curiosity what is the right infrastructure?
1 bus full of pink-haired activists
No, you need evidence. Encourage your friend to press charges so a proper investigation can be made. Don't report someone to ruin them when all you have is allegations.
they're not reporting someone to ruin him, they're reporting him bc someone who is willing to assault someone doesn't belong in any workplace. the lengths men will go through to defend shitty behavior is insane
Do you understand that you are now an adult? You have zero knowledge of whether this man is or is not guilty of criminal behavior, and if your comments identified him by name, you could be sued for both slander and libel. You can't go around accusing people of assault based on hearsay, and you can't just assume everyone accused is guilty. You, too, need to play by the rules-report problematic behavior you have actual first person knowledge of.
You're just starting out your career - don't get involved in this kind of stuff. Stick to your lane and focus on yourself and you'll be fine. This guy will dig his own grave.
the only way this man will be in any sort of grave is if people report him. it's naive given the amount of content on this website about toxic MDs to think this industry kicks toxic people out
Yes, a woman here myself I wish people would stop protecting these assholes. The fraternity evidence in itself should be enough - you don't need to even use other anecdotes. Silence is compliance and women face a lot of hurdles before they can report such behavior.
Coming here to say that Fraternities are not a court of law and often have to make judgements on limited information. Not to mention many universities have more or less forced Fraternities to play around in their politics through school regulated governance and rules.
The best thing that someone can do and I have always supported this is, If there is an actual crime, go report it to the police. There is no need to drag peoples names through the mud, when we have a justice system to handle these sorts of things.
Not being condescending but just out of curiosity what hurdles do women face before they can report such behavior? I truly cannot think of any outside of their own embarrassment, which I can imagine can be hard to overcome.
Actually you are being condescending in asking this rather than initiating a quick google search of why don't college students report rape? It shows:
So what’s happening? Why aren’t students coming forward to report sexual assault?
A study funded by the DOJ uncovered many different reasons that have remained fairly consistent over the years. Specifically, researchers found that students:
Most startling of all though is that, “Victims may not define the event as sexual assault or report the incident because they are embarrassed, are reluctant to consider someone they know as a rapist, or do not understand the legal definition of sexual assault.”
https://everfi.com/blog/colleges-universities/students-dont-report-sexu…
the male response to this serious situation explains why most of the people who traffic this site don't get laid
“Bro but they’re just allegations” lmao. If several girls have accused this guy of the same thing, not just one (where there’s more of a chance it’s a coin flip and the allegation is unsubstantiated), then the guy is probably doing something he shouldn’t be doing lol
No, you're spreading a dangerous idea. The fact that there are multiple allegations doesn't automatically make him guilty. You still need EVIDENCE. Each allegation needs to be checked out. If this doesn't happen, you set a bad precedent where multiple people can conspire to falsely accuse a guy. Not saying that's what's happening here, but you can't set that precedent.
Except for the fact that justice systems should run on evidence not on mob mentality...
I'm a guy, and I totally understand that chicks can destroy your life by falsely accusing you, and that sucks. I know people who have had it happen to them in real life. It seriously pisses me off because the injustice and sexism in the system is such a double standard. However, this doesn't seem to be the case here. If the evidence is this damning that there are multiple reports against him and he got kicked out of his frat, he likely did do something. Not sure why guys on here feel the need to defend every other guy in every other situation, even when they're prolly in the wrong. People on here are making gender into a team sport.
I don't like how you mention the fact that they're going to a top firm when deciding to report them. It should be entirely irrelevant and it makes it seem like you want to drag them down, no matter how good your intention actually is.
FWIW I would stay out of other people's business and would only report on behalf of someone else if they were incapable of doing it themselves for whatever reason. Aim to be supportive and encouraging for your friend so they can come forward.
If i were you, I’d email a junior HR woman to catch up over the phone. I’d tell her that there are a few rumors I’ve heard about the guy & they are worth looking into. I wouldn’t go into any details but if she wanted to know more, I’d recommend she follow up with the school. I’m sure she’d also reach out to the guy.
Definitely do not do this. HR will screen him AND you for reporting it. None of this will be kept confidential and you'll be thrown into a spiral of sh*t. Believe me, I've seen people escalate things to HR and have it backfire. If you have PROOF of him committing a crime then go to the police but do not get engaged in corporate drama cause it will backfire. While all your colleagues will be grinding you'll be known as the guy chatting with HR.
Send an anonymous email (make up one in gmail, etc) to HR and tell them who they should reach out to more information (eg campus contact) and let them sort out from there. Few bullets of things you know is good enough.
Don’t get on a call to discuss. Just tell them to get in touch with campus contact. The right authorities will dig around figure out what to do from there (is it a bad tip or real smoke). It’s the right thing to do and no different then any 1800 lines for anonymous reporting you’ll get trained 20 times a year at your job.
Good grief, do none of you have a legal or HR background? HR does not seek out "rumors", only verified documented events that will be legally defensible when the offer is withdrawn. Plus the University will absolutely neither confirm nor deny anything. All sorts of people, especially ex-spouses, have grudges against others, and if HR chased down all the nasty rumors out there, no one would ever be hired. Either it appears in the written record of the background check or it is irrelevant.
BabyAcquisitions you sound like one of those girls who thinks they are hot, but in reality you’re ugly af.
"UPDATE: I decided it is best to make the Title IX office aware of it and let them handle it from there, since ultimately they are the ones with the proof. Thank you to everyone who left useful comments and offered help".
You do know that Title IX offices don't deal in proof since they have no burden of proof, right? If not, you should have before you decided to use their office as a vessel to get this kid's job rescinded. There are many, many instances of kids getting expelled from school because of Title IX complaints that had absolutely 0 merit. When these same complaints go to court, they are either dismissed outright or take the jury 10 minutes to deliberate..
Not saying that all Title IX complaints are BS, but that they don't need to have any merit to be made or recorded. The likelihood that they are BS goes up exponentially when there are no police reports and the kid is still at the school.
I'd say go for it. I've seen people get shit-canned for less. We don't need people that in finance. There are plenty of people who would die to take that spot who haven't done things like that.
Except we don't know if he actually did "things like that." You need fucking evidence before you go around calling people rapists. Some of these comments are sickening.
As a man, I am seriously aghast at some of the commentators blaise attitude to this issue. The overwhelming tide of comments seem to be " mind your own business" and "bring up proof". While I would certainly think twice of reporting someone who has a lone anecdotal story which might or might not be true and which might harm the person's career, multiple sexual allegations as well as his fraternity kicking him out because of the complaints certainly warrants a heads up, I would believe.
I presume most of the guys commentating here are very young and/ or dont know many women personally or the troubles that they might face if they have been sexually assaulted to bring up "evidence" or report it when it has happened as most women that I personally am acquainted with and who have gone through this harrowing and horrifying experience usually are ashamed to bring this up in public or fear retaliation from the perpetrator if they dare report it.
Coming from a developing country, let me assure you of the dangers that women face in these countries- They would be living under the severe threat of acid attacks, rape or even murder if they dared report something like this to the authorities. While the consequences might not be so severe in the US, they would still be very wary of actual physical harm being caused to them.
Woke? Check. Page of text? Check. Send it to the law where justice should reside (and has since the time of Hammurabi). Not in some woke mob taking us back to a culture before civilization. But, hey, progress am I rite?
Woke culture has created a permanent Witches of Salem trial environment, where we conveniently swap out the highly American and truly liberal “innocent until proven guilty” for the classically Communist China approach of “guilty until proven innocent.”
OP’s motives (“it could reflect poorly on my firm if more allegations are made”) are spurious. The firm is much more committed to securing and perpetuating its own prestige, especially if all it takes is axing a 2nd yr MBA Associate, than OP ever will be.
We’re long past the point where anyone tries to shrug off rape. That’s entirely beside the point. The point is that you don’t go about proactively ruining other people’s lives on gossip. You don’t take matters into your own hands just because the criminal justice system doesn’t rule to your liking.
Woke culture? "highly American and truly liberal "innocent until proven guilty" ? "classically Communist China approach of "guilty until proven innocent."
Please, I would ask you to not try to classify people into neat little boxes for your own convenience. People are much more complex and multidimensional and cannot be segregated into binary extremes. For the record, I am neither American nor Chinese and there are a few things that I admire and find loathsome about both countries and systems of government.
While I have travelled to dozens of countries and (stayed in China for a couple of months), by my own experiences through travel, meeting people and through pop culture, I desire to live in neither of these countries as my core value system does not ally with either in spirit.
I was only responding from my own experience of women who have gone through something similar, to lend support to the OP's point that it is entirely plausible as to why none of the women filed an official complaint against the gentleman in question. From the part of the world that I hail from, only a miniscule amount of women actually report anything official for fear of reprisal. Take note of what I said " Coming from a developing country, let me assure you of the dangers that women face in these countries- They would be living under the severe threat of acid attacks, rape or even murder if they dared report something like this to the authorities." I would presume that women even in highly developed countries also live in a similar fear if not to this extent. And as I said, while a solitary allegation could be a case of "he said, she said", I would find it very concerning if multiple women have something similar to say about a certain individual. It certainly needs to be looked into with a closer lens by whoever is the concerned authority.
Furthermore never did I exhort anyone to carry out a witch trial. In case the context is missed, I am supportive of what OP has updated- " I decided it is best to make the Title IX office aware of it and let them handle it from there, since ultimately they are the ones with the proof." This seems to be a reasonable middle ground to take in this instance
No one is going to read this… what is up with woke people writing walls of text all of the time.
No, you shouldn't try to screw up someone life because of allegations that never even resulted in charges being pressed.
What is the Title IX office going to do? Try to ruin peoples' lives by telling their future employer about allegations that have come up in the past? Why would the school even expose itself to that sort of risk?
Why do you even care? Mind your biz and get on with your career.
i disagree.. i came from the poor mindset and it was more... work harder to close the gap...
sounds like guy is just a hater and pissed they have the same job.... fuck life is not fair but worry about your shit.. not someone elses
you're the epitome of what is wrong in the world. thx.
Are all your friends sorority sluts?
It’s crazy the number of shit takes I’ve seen on here and the amount on incels that are on this page with shitty attitudes towards women / rape allegations that perpetuate a lot of these guys not facing consequences for this kind of shit - do better lads.
Having said that, I do think it’s a slippery slope. He definitely shouldn’t be working in finance given that multiple women have filed allegations which clearly shows he’s done some shady shit.
It depends how you want to proceed with things. You have to be sure that there is evidence from the case that got him thrown out of his frat as I think it will take solid evidence to make the BB rescind the offer. Also, if nothing gets done due to insufficient evidence then you could get burned. Maybe talk to your friends to present any evidence they may have. Best of luck OP.
You are a fucking simp
Ok virgin intern. A simp for saying someone who has had multiple rape allegations against him shouldn’t be in finance but told OP to proceed only if there is clear evidence?
Bet you hate women because they never gave you any attention in high school and college. Go back to 4chan you frustrated little pussy