Slowing Down

Just graduated college, gonna start IB at a BB in the coming months. I'm spending this downtime letting all my wonderful experiences from college (and now being at home) to sink in. I'm keeping as much contact as possible with my HS and college friends, cherishing those unplanned and spontaneous late-night calls, discussing everything from food recipes, hobbies, movies and tv shows, family and friends, to current events and our states of wellbeing. Having secured this job a year in advance, I had unknowingly built up so much anxiety this past school year, trying to keep people close to me, fearing and dreading that once I get that degree, once my career starts, I just won't have time or capacity to visit them, talk to them, have meals with them as I used to. And by the time I make my way through, maybe we will be as distant as ever. My friends aren't going to this industry, many don't even have a post-grad plan yet, just sitting at home. Perhaps they didn't feel the same urgency as I did, or feel that their careers will take up a meaningful amount of time away from their own enjoyment of life and others around them. Of course, all of us have got to move on, and there are many more friends to befriend, more experiences to experience, and more life to live. I chose this industry because I liked it, I was fascinated by it, and I found so much satisfaction knowing the industry is fast-paced and important. I can't imagine myself going anywhere else to start my career. Even as the start date approaches, I'm excited to begin this new chapter of my life, not knowing what is to come but finding reasons to smile at the twists and turns in life that are yet to come. So here I am, in my early twenties, unsure of where I'll end up, but up for an adventure. It is bittersweet though, knowing I'll be working hard at something I find generally interesting but also sacrificing time for things I truly want to focus time on. The problem is that I don't even know what I would rather be focusing my time on. I'm no writer, filmmaker, artist, etc. but it's not like I tried. Did I spend so much time pursing a career that I've lost the parts of me that make me interesting? I guess I never really thought about what made me interesting. This all sounds super angsty, I know, but this is the first time I really had a chance to be obligation-free and spend this time with myself.

I appreciate having this job a lot, and i also know that it's also just that, a job. Maybe I spend too much time on this forum (I probably do), but the whole "typical career path" seems so rushed. I put my head down and worked through college for four years, and it seems many rush through IB for two or so years and spend a few more at PE or something. If I hypothetically went down this path, by the time I reach my late twenties, will I still have that time to find what I like or experiment with things? I guess in the end, it's up to me to find time to experiment with things, try out a new hobby, discover what makes me interesting by first finding what I'm interested in or by being interested in others. But surely, this is much easier said than done in a demanding industry like this one. It just seems like most people think of finance as just another stepping stone before they ask themselves what they really want to spend the big chunk of their life on. I don't think that's wrong at all, but coming out of college as a stepping stone for my career, I don't know what my career in IB will be setting me up for in the future. Maybe it's financial freedom to try new things, explore new cities, new industries, etc. Maybe it's experience to prepare me for something even more involved. Maybe it's more work in the industry, who knows? But that sounds like an awful lot to have to digest in a few years time, and I don't really want to sink hundreds of thousands of dollars into B School just to figure it out lol or maybe I should and I will. I don't even know where I'm going with this. I guess the struggle is finding the time to just slow down. How do you slow down in the midst of the unpredictable work schedule? How do you slow down and what questions do you ask to really know if this is the place for you or if it's time to move on once again? How do you slow down to cherish those friendships you have and nurture those new ones? Or will it always be a process of stumbling about until you call it quits and then gather yourself to answer even tougher questions about the future direction of your life? How do you slow down to develop those interests you have or even turn it into a career on its own? How do you slow down, when you realize you're going so much faster than your friends, and you don't know if you want to keep your foot on the gas? How do you slow down, when you feel such a thrill to be fast?

Honestly, I have no idea what kind of answer I'm looking for. I don't even know if what I wrote is coherent lol, it's late over here. I know everyone's path is different, and as I go on, I'll slowly piece things together. It's just so daunting for me in my early twenties self, and I never knew how much I worried about these things until now, when the start date is just a short while away. My most practical action items are to continue developing my friendships with people and to try new things and experiment with new hobbies to find what I like, and hopefully I can fit that into my busy schedule as I work. Maybe I'll like the work enough to keep at it for a long time.

There really isn't anything I wanted for a response, it just felt nice to write out what I'm afraid of and be vulnerable a bit like this. I honestly don't even know why I'm posting this here. eh, I guess I might as well try some new things then right? yea screw it, i'm gonna send it in. thanks for reading if you made it this far, and I hope you have a good day today.