There is no gas left. What’s next?
WSO has been instrumental in helping me getting further than I have ever expected but today is the moment where I call for help.
I am a ASO at a BB (A2A promote) in a well-respected team. Over the past years I have been working on some marquee transactions which helped me being ranked top bucket multiple times in a row.
When I started as ANL1, I had three goals: Learning as much as possible by working on interesting, high-profile transactions, being top bucket and maximizing earnings. Over the past months and after my promotion I realized that I have achieved everything I wanted to achieve but that I am also mentally empty. There was a lot of sacrifice to get where I am professionally, most importantly I sacrificed my private life. I have not taken any proper holidays since COVID started which accelerated the feeling that there is no gas left in the tank.
In summer when there were first signs of fatigue I thought that I just lost my drive due to flattening of the learning curve. Shortly thereafter I was staffed on a franchise deal which was announced this winter. The deal itself was highly rewarding and I felt alive while it lasted. However, once the pressure was gone and the deal announced, the fatigue came back only stronger, but this time coupled with anxiety.
On top of that my relationship has been falling apart slowly during that period which further fueled the issues.
From the outside I may appear as well balanced and happy but inside I feel more and more broken and empty. I told my close circle about some of the issues (although did not fully disclose them), however they do not seem to recognize the magnitude (“chill out for a week, then all will be fine again”, “how can you be anxious? You are great at work and have everything in life you ever wanted”).
Bottom line is that while it is crystal clear that I am stuck in a toxic limbo somewhere in burnout or depression territory, I have honestly no idea how to fix it. I do not want to quit my job because I have sacrificed my early twenties to attain the reputation I have today in my team, on the other hand it is perfectly clear to me that I am only a resource and that my own well-being should be put first.
I have a buyside offer on my table which would allow me to pull the plug fairly discretely (I would be able to take 2 months off before starting with them which might be enough to recharge). On the other hand I wonder if this is a long-term fix of the underlying issues which I have not identified yet.
Question to you: What would you do? How radical do I have to be to fix the situation?
TLDR: There is no gas left. What’s next?
Good news: as a top bucket A2A at a BB, you have enough experience that you can take a significant amount of time off and be very attractive to a lot of roles. If you want 4+ months off, you can quit tomorrow, go hang out on an island for a while, and top IBs will still be calling you when you get back.
That aside, I guess there's a few questions to consider.
- Do you like your bank? Do you like banking? This current issue aside, did you see yourself staying long-term or were you always intending on exiting in the near to medium term?
- This PE offer: while the 2 months is generous, I agree with you that it might be v_2 of the same thing. Do you want to do PE? Do you like the firm, have you diligenced their WLB and determined it to be better? On the good news side, if you decide after a year you hate it, again you are very qualified and you could jump ship at that point and be fine as well. Any interest in corp dev or something with a bit more balance?
I think you are very worried about maintaining what you've worked so hard for, but plenty of people take time off, or make the wrong move and involuntarily take time off, and end up totally fine. Give yourself some credit for setting yourself up so well that you have an incredible amount of optionality.
God bro I wish I had a friend like you in real life lmfao
Everything you’ve done so far is a sunk cost.
Your happiness should 100% be what’s important.
Take some time off and question where you want to be in this rat race. Personally, I’m getting out of it by end of year. Therapy has been huge for me in figuring out what is important to me.