Thoughts on boarding schools?

Me and my gf of 1.5 years now are getting pretty serious (just graduated and from middle class Midwest, I know I thought I’d. bottles and models deep at this age)

We’re having conversations about where we’d want to send our kids when they’re older. I always say boarding schools to give them a network and education I was not fortunate enough to receive.

What are everyone’s thoughts on boarding schools vs a normal private school vs public schools?

Do children at boarding schools feel like they have absentee parents? Is the education much more superb? How do they turn out?

 

Finally something I can answer on this site. I went to boarding school as a repeat freshman. Received an education that was far and away superior to my solid local high school (smaller classes, more attentive professors, etc) and all athletic and co-curriculars were on campus. Didn’t have to waste time going to a practice an hour’s drive each way when all athletic facilities were on campus, for example. I made connections that will last a lifetime too, both with classmates and professors, many of whom I’m still close with 10+ years later.

I was also on almost full financial aid. I also felt like the experience gave me independence while also forcing me to handle things on my own first. To answer the parents question, my parents made it to every athletic event that they possibly could (even from 5 hours away), and me being away made us closer I’d say.

This is all to say that it has to be the right fit for the child in terms of the academics and social life, but if my future kids want to do it (and can make it to one of the upper tier schools (eg, Andover, Exeter, Deerfield, etc)) I’m going to make it happen.

 

Currently play a niche sport in college in which half the kids went to boarding school or private school so can provide some insight. 

1) Better education? It depends. If you are going to Lawrenceville / Andover then yeah obviously. But, more often you see kids from wealthy Northeast suburbs going to private schools that are not necessarily stronger than their Millburn or Greenwhich public school. The reality is that if your kid is smart and a Type A at a good public HS, they really don't need to go to boarding / private school unless for some specific reason. Situations in which this is not the case are when smaller classes and the structured community become more worth the dime. 

2) How do they turn out? Probably more ready for college than most after having gone through the process already. Yes, you have a great network, especially if you went to a top 10 boarding school. Not sure about the parent relationships. Honestly probably depends on the kid, the parents, and how far the school is. One thing that I do think is pretty consistent though is that kids at top boarding schools do better overall in college admissions (I went to public school btw). 

 

Went to boarding school in CT as a repeat sophomore. Would say the experience is what you make of it. Parents can stay involved by keeping in touch with the kid and staying updated on their course selection and college counseling (good schools if not all schools should have an in-house office?), go to events and watch sports games if possible.

For me I was able to access more clubs and classes and control over my education. Of course independence and freedom to grow as my own person as well. Would definitely second the above on good HSs being a solid choice too, and that the kid’s personality is key in their success in a hands-off environment like this. Type A and driven kids will for sure succeed, but kids with no aim or tend to slack off would just be burning money since they wouldn’t be making use of the resources given and may need more parental guidance.

If you live within driving distance of one (and if the school allows) you can also consider sending your kids as a Day student. They get the same education (minus boarding fees) and get to go home to family and pets at the end of the day.

 

I couldn’t do it as a parent - my plan is to send my kids to a good private school. I personally went to a good public school, but there were kids that I was annoyed having to deal with. I think it’s good to get exposure to those from a different social class so you can know what you don’t want to end up like

 
Most Helpful

Went to a well known boarding school in the UK.

Some high level thoughts on my experience as an adult.

The independence you gain at such a young age is very useful. When I joined university half of my cohort were homesick/struggled with their new found autonomy. I felt super comfortable being 4 hours away from home and it put me in good stead. I felt similarly when travelling Asia on my own at 19.

At boarding school you meet an incredibly diverse range of people and learn a lot of different cultures. My knowledge of Chinese/Russian/African cultures has been super useful throughout my life and career, means you can relate to people very quickly. You also become desensitised to ultra rich people which I’ve found useful in IB/PE - e.g. I don’t feel uncomfortable talking to a business owner who’s worth 100m.

A slightly more niche comment is that whenever you meet someone else who went to a boarding school (no matter what school it is) you have an instant and deep rapport. Sharing stories about Matrons and late night escapades are a great way to break the ice and get to know someone.

Lastly and most predictably you build a good network early on which helps you get into good unis then banks but also other professional avenues. People from my school do all sorts of shit from ib to film production to FTSE100 companies and it’s a useful Rolodex.

I’m not sure if this true for everyone but I also built friendships at boarding school which are deeper than any other friendships of my life. My two closest friends - who I speak to everyday, live near and pretty much share my life with, all our partners are best friends etc - went to my school. I lived with these guys from 11-18, spent every single day and night together, 24 hours. Grew up with each other and it’s a super deep bond that I’ve never been able to replicate, apart from with my actual blood brother.

On the negative it’s pretty fucking traumatising being taken away from your family home at 11 and dumped into a weird school lol. But you get used to it quickly and I’m definitely glad I went.

 

Echoing this. Went to boarding school for five years quite far from home. You have to be "on" at all times - there's no real privacy in a dorm, and your days are filled with activities from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to bed. The intensity of such structure made university a breeze and served me quite well for an entry-level finance role (I just started working FT last year and TBH found it at about the same intensity as my boarding school.) So on the upside it makes you highly capable of organizing your life, managing your time efficiently, and talking to people from all walks of life. 

I think in my case it worked out because it was my idea to go. I would still hesitate about sending my own kids to boarding schools if they don't want to / aren't type-A enough to survive in such a sink-or-swim environment. I have seen instances when it's the parents' idea and not the kids', and usually the kids end up internally damaged in some ways but they learn to put on a mask, so while they look well-adjusted and put together on the outside, they are damaged on the inside. You also have to keep in mind that no matter how much the school tells you they are a "community", in the end they are just another institution, and will not care for your kids as well as yourself. 

 

Agree with everything you said especially the ‘type A’ comment. It is definitely a sink or swim environment and some of my more subdued/quiet classmates definitely had a pretty bad experience. The atmosphere is very difficult to explain and this is a shit analogy but there’s a Lord of the Flies element to boarding school it and you have to be in a constant state of mental awareness which is pretty similar to my day job really.

 

Can you elaborate on the lord of the flies type envt? Are kids partying (drinking, drugs, etc) or is that too hard with too much super vision. I'd imagine a boarding school is just like any other upper class public school in terms of the kids - some smart, some in the middle, some slacker/partiers, etc - or have they become so competitive that everyone is on the nerdier side. 

 

All that school and you still end up writing like the dumb asses on social media "aight"

 

Lmfaooo get my dick out your mouth. Let me give you some advice - don't move to NYC if "aight" bothers you so much you fucking bum. Stick to living in bumblefuck Minnesota or wherever you're from in the Midwest. 

 

Went to non-boarding prep school and think it’s the best of both worlds.

You don’t feel like an “absentee” parent dumping your kid but still get an incredible network- tons of my classmates are at awesome finance and non-finance jobs now, and I know kids that got great jobs from friends parents.

College placement is also just so much better than a public school - half my class went to ivy/similar schools, whereas at a public school you need to be like top 1% to go to any ivy.

 

tl;dr: I went to Upper Canada College - Boarding. F'n loved it.

When my parents told me I was going to boarding school, I shit my pants. Images of Oliver Twist swam in my mind with me standing before an old school English housemaster begging: "Please, sir, can I have more gruel?" and singing "Food, glorious food"  

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEQDllvuy1I)

But when I got there, I had such a great time. It was like freshman year in University for five years in a row (boarding is only available for high school/secondary school). I was part of every nerdy club. I was playing every sport (ranging from intramural up to varsity). It was so easy. And there was no commuting, no having to lug sports equipment on public transit. We had full time access to the library, computer labs, gyms... EVERYTHING. And it had great facilities: ice rink, swimming pool, several football/soccer/baseball fields, tennis courts etc. Academics were also top notch: UCC is an IB school

My only complaint: the food. There was a running joke that Marriott food services and catering (our food provider) had 5 levels: Level 1 - High quality restaurants, Level 2 - Hotels and conference quality, Level 3 - Cafeteria style, Level 4 - Prisons and jails, Level 5 - UCC Dining hall.

Otherwise, this was actually some of the best times of my life: "The Good Ol' Days".

When I went to university, I was also relatively chill about living away from home. Some of my friends who were moving away from home the first time had some adjustment challenges. Biggest challenge for us? Girls. Coming out of an all boys environment, a bunch of us were simps (especially the "survivors" - the student's who had been in UCC since grade 2... in an all boys private school environment for as long as they can remember).

Also, the network in Toronto (or more generally, the city in which the school is based for those in the US) was the BEST. Better than any MBA program (Rotman and Ivey included).

I donate money to them gladly.

 

I would not, personally!

I went to a public inner-city high school (one of the worst ones in my city > metal detectors, news stories etc). Yea, it was by far not an amazing experience, but academically it was what you made out of the experience. 95% of the students might have graduated not knowing simple algebra, but for the 5% of students who were focused on their academics, they turned out well. It depends on if your kid has a good head on their shoulders.

My crappy high school allowed me to graduate as valedictorian, get an International Baccalaureate diploma, be involved in sports and clubs (for free! you don't get this luxury at boarding schools where everything is an additional expense). 

Look, if you have the extra income at your disposal, then sure do as you desire. Truthfully, people at boarding schools end up in the same places as those not in boarding schools if the person is a hard worker.

My plan is to send my kids to a good public high school. Live in a good area. If you don't and want to send them to a "nicer" school, then go private. Going boarding, however, seems a bit much. Do you not want to spend time with your kids? Want to send them away? 

Public > Private > Boarding

 

I graduated top 3 from my crappy high school and currently attend a target. I am 100% sending my kid to a boarding school. The difference between my old peers and my current ones is astronomical, even amongst the really "driven" ones from my old peers.

 
  • One thing that get's lost a lot on this site especially is that you don't just "send your kids to Andover." The acceptance rate at the top US boarding schools is below 10%, and you're competing for admission with students who are going to be in college-level mathematics, or have published works, by the 9th grade. Normal people can get in, but it's not exactly just "sending them" the way you would to your local country-day school. Can't (cheaply) donate your way in either - Exeter, Andover, Deerfield, St.Paul's all have endowments close to a billion. 
  •  Having gone to one of these schools - it's very much about the student. Are they independent? Can they make themselves do their work and get to class? If so, it can be a place where you can thrive and everyone around you forces you to become the best version of yourself academically. 
  • However, kids absolutely burn out. I knew multiple people who just dropped out over a weekend because they just couldn't handle the academics or the social scene of effectively living a collegiate-lite lifestyle without support from their parents. 
 

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