Vivid Nightmares - Severe Anxiety Regarding Return Offer??? What's going on
I'm having really vivid nightmares most nights since I started my internship, and they're all work related.
One of them was that I pasted a table into an email wrong and my manager got mad.
Another one was that I was that corporate banking were really angry with me because I sent them the wrong file or wrong version.
Another one was today, where I was explaining something to another intern, who kept cutting me off and interpreting the wrong thing, so I kept repeating my point in a sterner and sterner tone until my manager noticed and got mad at me and said something like "you need to be nicer, we are really scrutinizing return offers this year, including looking at how many people across the floor (capital markets role) like you and are friends with you". Then I tried being nice to him and asking for work etc., but he told him to ask someone else annoyed, and when I did they were being mean to me about what my manager said - basically having written me off as someone to come back.
Why is this happening? Like why am I getting these nightmares every night? I'm not thinking about work when I go home and I would like to think that I am in a good position in terms of returning to my bank FT, but obviously some times if I make a small mistake or I misname something (I confused two countries because I spent so much time looking at one country's transaction and I went and asked where the case study was bcos I couldn't find it, and asked if I should look in another country's folder ...). So I get pretty hung up on myself and scrutinize mistakes like that which make me think that uh oh bye bye return offer but idk other than that I don't know why I am having these dreams!!?!
Help :((((
Bump
I have never read a story and thought to myself "this person needs to smoke a joint/have a drink or tea/do some yoga and just relaaaax" more than this post has made me. You gotta chill, worrying this much and being this anxious is going to do more harm than good at a certain point. Mistakes are going to happen. Think of it like the guy from Scrubs - every doctor eventually kills someone on accident. Accidents are going to happen. What matters is you don't repetitively make the same ones over and over and can demonstrate you learn from the (hopefully few) ones you do make.
Make sure your lights are completely off at night. I used to leave the light on as a kid and had night terrible sleep for a year or so.
Aside from that you should chill out a little. Worst case scenario you don’t get the offer. So what? You’re not going to die and you’re not banned from the industry or anything. I know four or five guys who didn’t convert to full time from my SA program and they still found a spot at a different bank. It’s gonna be fine man, just keep a positive attitude and try to be helpful.
Sounds like you've got some deep confidence and self-esteem issues. Up until this point in your life you've only experienced an isolated school environment where you could just excel on your own and not have to rely on or deal with anyone else and be subjected to criticism. Seek therapy for real. This isn't normal.
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