One of my buddies who is an SA at a notorious sweatshop in NYC - think Lazard/GS FIG/MS M&A/Moelis/JPM M&A/BAML HC - got an e-mail from his associate staffer with the following poem this morning...Cruel or funny? How would you react? Quit? Report to HR?
Wakey Wakey Rise and Shine No more sleep ITS EXCEL TIME
| +261 | Earliest you can get fired | 56 | 8h |
| +250 | UBS’s M&A BANKERS ARE DOING TERRIBLY. $200M EXTRA IS BEING CUT | 47 | 1h |
| +228 | Investment Banking is Divine | 38 | 12h |
| +223 | Career Crossroads | 31 | 17h |
| +214 | US 2027 SA IB worried about background check | 52 | 23h |
| +206 | Analyst: Why is UBS IB doing worse than peers?, UBS CFO: No Comment | 41 | 10h |
| +203 | Another $115bn Mega deal for these banks. Congrats! | 44 | 36m |
| +110 | Is UBS really that bad? | 32 | 1h |
| +37 | Is Houston SA 28 recruiting already over? | 32 | 12h |
| +23 | Sweat Group 2026 Discussion | 24 | 12h |
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It's excel time over beer
Or your body is mine to sear
Through Excel you shall shine or on the street you'll dine. You have to get these pivots right or your a$s is mine tonight. You have to learn your models or you're out collecting bottles.
I'll blame the sloppy flow on the heat.
Dolores veritatis fugiat iusto dolore ad qui distinctio. Vel et doloribus fuga et natus quis temporibus. Totam porro recusandae cum. Est nostrum tempora repellendus.
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