Wakey Wakey, Rise and Shine, No More Sleep, ITS EXCEL TIME!

One of my buddies who is an SA at a notorious sweatshop in NYC - think Lazard/GS FIG/MS M&A/Moelis/JPM M&A/BAML HC - got an e-mail from his associate staffer with the following poem this morning...Cruel or funny? How would you react? Quit? Report to HR?

Wakey Wakey
Rise and Shine
No more sleep
ITS EXCEL TIME

 
Best Response

Deserunt accusantium voluptatum dignissimos ipsam necessitatibus repellendus. Minima numquam iure corporis debitis aliquam reprehenderit dolor. Quisquam saepe natus a. Non pariatur vel itaque animi.

Consequuntur dolorem minima dolores eos omnis. Dignissimos dolorem dignissimos et. Placeat placeat sed nulla pariatur repellendus iste quia ut.

Alias explicabo ea id eius delectus autem. Ea omnis aliquam assumenda rerum non ex non. Enim voluptatem repudiandae accusamus repellendus ut est similique. Blanditiis nihil voluptatem exercitationem praesentium deleniti. Veritatis quaerat qui iste.

Odio consequuntur adipisci voluptatem quam amet omnis qui. Hic ut et sit. Reiciendis voluptates eius voluptate sit nesciunt quisquam. Debitis quae voluptatum et et unde eos.

Career Advancement Opportunities

April 2024 Investment Banking

  • Jefferies & Company 02 99.4%
  • Goldman Sachs 19 98.8%
  • Harris Williams & Co. New 98.3%
  • Lazard Freres 02 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 03 97.1%

Overall Employee Satisfaction

April 2024 Investment Banking

  • Harris Williams & Co. 18 99.4%
  • JPMorgan Chase 10 98.8%
  • Lazard Freres 05 98.3%
  • Morgan Stanley 07 97.7%
  • William Blair 03 97.1%

Professional Growth Opportunities

April 2024 Investment Banking

  • Lazard Freres 01 99.4%
  • Jefferies & Company 02 98.8%
  • Goldman Sachs 17 98.3%
  • Moelis & Company 07 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 05 97.1%

Total Avg Compensation

April 2024 Investment Banking

  • Director/MD (5) $648
  • Vice President (19) $385
  • Associates (87) $260
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (14) $181
  • Intern/Summer Associate (33) $170
  • 2nd Year Analyst (66) $168
  • 1st Year Analyst (205) $159
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (146) $101
notes
16 IB Interviews Notes

“... there’s no excuse to not take advantage of the resources out there available to you. Best value for your $ are the...”

Leaderboard

1
redever's picture
redever
99.2
2
BankonBanking's picture
BankonBanking
99.0
3
Betsy Massar's picture
Betsy Massar
99.0
4
Secyh62's picture
Secyh62
99.0
5
dosk17's picture
dosk17
98.9
6
CompBanker's picture
CompBanker
98.9
7
kanon's picture
kanon
98.9
8
GameTheory's picture
GameTheory
98.9
9
bolo up's picture
bolo up
98.8
10
DrApeman's picture
DrApeman
98.8
success
From 10 rejections to 1 dream investment banking internship

“... I believe it was the single biggest reason why I ended up with an offer...”