Hi,
I'm looking for a cold call template for LINKEDIN. As I don't have premium, I struggle to introduce myself and establish a connection without sounding brash in 300 words.
I have one that I use below... please critique and offer suggestions as you see fit.
For random person at XYX Firm:
Hi XXX,
Good morning and sorry for the inconvenience .. I found you profile while I was looking for personnel within XYZ Firm in XYZ City. I recently became a CFA and enrolled at XYZ Business School. Now, I am looking to connect with more members in the industry. I hope we talk soon! Thanks.
Why are you apologising? Random 2 dots after the first sentence? I found "you" profile?
"Looking to connect" isn't a specific action. "I hope we talk soon". What is soon? Why hope? Why are you not asking to speak within the next week?
Basically this is terrible. Punctuation, spelling, grammar mistakes. Super timid-sounding and not even actionable. Also, you haven't signed off with your name (ik your name is obvious but it's just manners)
Correct your English, find something to relate to the person if possible, write something more actionable than "looking to connect". What do you want from this connection? Express that. Say what you wanna say confidently and without remorse.
Deleted
I had originally wrote it in Spanish and then translated back to English. I'll correct the errors. I use LinkedIn because I don't have the emails of random people at XYZ investment banks. How are you getting email contacts?
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