Cold Email Template Advice

This is my cold email template as I am going to start sending emails tomorrow and I want to put myself in the best position for a response.  Any advice and tips on it would be great!  Also I removed info that would give away my identity.

Hi ______,

My name is XXX, and I am a rising junior at XXX majoring in Economics and minoring in Cultural Anthropology.  I am relatively new to investment banking, and I am interested in talking to you about your position and your advice on what I should be doing to get there myself.  I was wondering if you have 15-20 minutes for a phone call in the next coming weeks to speak about your experiences.

Many thanks,

XXX

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